Posted on 05/03/2025 2:37:54 PM PDT by DFG
NEWPORT BEACH, CA — Chipotle executives unveiled plans today for the restaurant chain to somehow get even worse.
After a decade of steadily transforming its once-delicious food into tasteless crap, Chipotle still believes there is room to be more awful.
"People say it isn't possible, but we're going to show them," said Chipotle CEO Scott Boatwright. "Chipotle has yet to really scrape the bottom of how lousy our food can be. You think our chicken is overcooked now? You just wait, buddy. We're about to go radioactive on those birds."
In addition to making the food even more terrible, Chipotle has released plans to make their egregiously atrocious ordering system more exasperating. "Customers already wait thirty minutes for a flavorless burrito because we have no system in place for handling both online and in-person orders," explained Boatwright. "But we can be more inefficient. We believe there is still room to grow in shuffling receipts to screw up orders further and extend wait times. We're also looking to add another staff member whose only job will be to sit and stare at the bags of orders that haven't been handed out, just to really twist that knife in the customer a little more."
At publishing time, physicians had announced that in lieu of the traditional colonoscopy prep, they would simply prescribe to patients one Chipotle burrito.
Did they consult with Weird Al about his “Even Worse” album?
When they first opened, I tried one burrito. Spit.
We have a local chain which does fantastic Mexican and burritos.
I did like their salads, but they turned me off by treating me like a 2nd class customer because I didn’t want rice and wanted my $$ worth with additional greens. I ALWAYS had to ask 3 times for more.
Haven’t been back.
Never been in a Chipotle. I like Moe’s and don’t see a need to change.
i dont like chains. period.
give me a local mom & pop storefront
over a chain any day
I once went to a wedding that was catered by Chipotles. I was not expecting much, but I was surprised by how good it was. Everything was fresh, flavorful, and well prepared, not at all like what you would get in their stores.
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