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Senator Wants to Rescue "Maryland Family Man" [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 20 April 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 04/19/2025 11:16:40 AM PDT by John Semmens

This week, Sen. Chris Van Hollen (D-Md) flew to El Salvador on a quest to secure the return of Kilmar Abrego-Garcia to the US, saying "this Maryland family man is one of my constituents who was wrongfully abducted from his home and flown to his country of birth by the Trump Administration. This man escaped from El Salvador as a teenager in fear for his life and was granted refugee status by a US court. Sending him back there is a cruel and callous disregard for his life."

White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt disputed the Senator's characterization of the situation. "First of all, Mr. Abrego-Garcia is not a 'Maryland family man.' He is a Salvadoran man who entered this country illegally. As such he is eligible for deportation to his place of birth. Second, the 'fear for his life' claims stems from the fact that he is wanted in El Salvador as a member of the MS-13 gang.""

"While living in our country he has associated with other members of this gang," Leavitt continued. "In 2022 he was identified by the Biden Administration as a possible suspect in human trafficking operation while in the presence of known MS-13 gang members. When he was originally arrested, he was wearing a sweatshirt with rolls of money covering the ears, mouth, and eyes of presidents on various currency denominations. This is a known MS-13 gang symbol of 'Hear no evil. Speak no evil. See no evil.' Two separate judges confirmed Abrego-Garcia's affiliation with MS-13. He wasn't alone when he was taken into custody. He was also arrested with two other well-known members of the vicious MS-13 gang."

"He is now within the jurisdiction of the El Salvador authorities who are holding him for his prior membership in MS-13," Leavitt added. "There is no legitimate grounds for us to demand his return to America."

Van Hollen acknowledged that "the government here did allow me to meet Mr. Abrego-Garcia. He looks fine and shows no signs of physical abuse. However, we don't have any proof that the government of El Salvador's reasons for holding him are legitimate. In my view, it is their obligation to return him to America so that the judge who ordered his return can decide for herself whether there are any legitimate reasons to hold him."

Patty Morin was not impressed by the Senator's crusade. "My daughter Rachel was a US citizen and resident of Maryland. Van Hollen wasn't anywhere near as ardent about this constituent of his when she was murdered by Victor Antonio Martinez-Hernandez--another illegal immigrant fleeing from El Salvador in fear for his life after murdering a woman there. It seems the Senator has a greater interest in inviting more immigrants into our country and opposing the deportation of known foreign criminals who are in this country illegally."

In other Maryland news, when Parker Jensen, a senior at Towson High School in Baltimore County, visited the Baltimore County Board of Education to ask Baltimore County Public Schools Emergency Manager for School Safety Richard Muth why the American flag was not displayed in the school's classrooms Muth called the police. "When Jensen cited the Maryland Education Code and Baltimore County Public Schools policy that mandates the United States flag be displayed in every classroom I knew I had to act fast to prevent further trouble," Muth said. "I was pleased to see that his high school suspended him for his disapproval of the school's decision not to display the flag because it could provoke violence from students who despise America."

Later when Jensen's attorney filed suit to expunge the suspension and seek damages, the flags were quietly reinstalled in the classrooms. Principal Jack Aston asserted "there is no basis for damages. Jensen is back in school and the record of his suspension will be removed from his file. The only 'damage' he experienced was a few days off from school, which I'm pretty sure he enjoyed."


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics; Travel
KEYWORDS: criminals; democrats; deportation; satire

1 posted on 04/19/2025 11:16:40 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

We are Family. I got my criminal illegals and me.


2 posted on 04/19/2025 11:33:20 AM PDT by FreedBird (p)
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To: John Semmens

He should dress up like Zorro!


3 posted on 04/19/2025 11:33:27 AM PDT by FlingWingFlyer (Universities in this country are nothing but Houses of Prostitution for the wealthy.)
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To: John Semmens
Constituent?

Sen. Chris Van Hollen openly admits he represents illegal alien criminal gang-bangers in Maryland.

4 posted on 04/19/2025 11:33:40 AM PDT by Tommy Revolts
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To: John Semmens

“Two separate judges confirmed Abrego-Garcia’s affiliation with MS-13”

A little fact this idiot senator and the lib media conveniently refuse to admit.

Even without that, he crossed the border illegally.....that is all it SHOULD have taken to kick his butt out of the country.


5 posted on 04/19/2025 11:41:45 AM PDT by V_TWIN (America...so great even the people that hate it refuse to leave!)
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To: John Semmens

Maybe the US should work to get him free and then hand him a knife and put him on a private flight back to the US with Van Hollowhead as a co-passenger and as they take off announce there will only one passenger allowed to disembark on landing.


6 posted on 04/19/2025 12:06:11 PM PDT by antidemoncrat ( )
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To: John Semmens

I don’t think he is thrilled abt rescuing this “Maryland father of the year” so much now. I think he realizes he was taken for a fool by the Pres of El Salvadore. No way dems give a crap abt this guy.


7 posted on 04/19/2025 12:07:55 PM PDT by Singermom
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To: John Semmens

Can we just start calling all illegal alien rapists and gang members “Maryland Man” from here on out?


8 posted on 04/19/2025 12:32:12 PM PDT by Antihero101607
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To: John Semmens

Bring him home…..his wife needs beating.


9 posted on 04/19/2025 1:32:00 PM PDT by Vaquero (Don't pick a fight with an old guy. If he is too old to fight, he'll just kill you. )
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To: John Semmens

The teaser for every story about this case refers to, “And coming up, The Maryland family man who was deported by mistake ....”


10 posted on 04/19/2025 1:48:30 PM PDT by gloryblaze
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To: John Semmens

11 posted on 04/19/2025 3:07:08 PM PDT by Albion Wilde (“Did you ever meet a woke person that’s happy? There’s no such thing.” —Donald J. Trump)
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To: John Semmens

How does Webster’s or Oxford dictionaries define the “Maryland Man”?


12 posted on 04/19/2025 3:50:58 PM PDT by Racketeer
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