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Weird SBA Loans [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 16 March 2025 | John Semmens

Posted on 03/18/2025 8:30:34 AM PDT by John Semmens

During its audit of the Small Business Administration (SBA) the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE) discovered that during the 2020-2021 fiscal year the SBA made 5,593 loans totaling $312 million to business-owners who, according to their Social Security numbers, were recorded as 11 years old and younger. This amounted to an average loan per borrower of more than $55,000. The SBA also made 3,095 loans totaling $333 million to business-owners who, according to their Social Security numbers, were recorded as 115 years old and older. This amounted to an average loan per borrower of more than $107,000.

If this money actually was distributed to children and the extremely elderly the loans would appear to be extraordinarily imprudent. If this money was distributed to persons other than indicated by the Social Security numbers it was fraud. Should we believe Democrats who insist that the cuts recommended by DOGE's research will, as Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ) claims "destroy essential programs," or as Rep. Ayanna Pressley (D-Mass) fears "lead to a hungrier, sicker, and poorer population." Or should we believe the assessment of DOGE leader Elon Musk that "cutting out this kind of fraud is a necessary step if America is to avoid bankruptcy?"

In related news, the Department of Housing and Urban Development has wasting lots of money on software licenses. Each year they have paid for 11,020 Acrobat licenses they don't use, 35,855 ServiceNow licenses--only 84 of which they use, 1,776 Cognos licenses--only 325 of which they use, 800 WestLaw Classic licenses--only 216 of which they use, 10,000 Java licenses--only 400 of which they use. "These are a few examples of the vast numbers of unused software licenses in every part of the government," Musk said. "This kind of repeated waste of federal funds demonstrates both an astounding indifference toward taxpayers and a degree of laziness and sloth that can only persist in organizations that don't have to earn their income."


TOPICS: Business/Economy; Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: 100yearolds; children; postandrun; satire; selfpromotion; software

1 posted on 03/18/2025 8:30:34 AM PDT by John Semmens
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