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8 Demands Trump Has Made Before Zelensky Can Return
Babylon Bee ^ | 03/01/2025 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 03/02/2025 5:54:03 AM PST by DFG

After flying to D.C. to purportedly sign a mineral rights deal, Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelensky wound up being kicked out of the White House until further notice. Not good!

President Trump has issued a list of eight demands that Zelensky must meet in order to be allowed back on White House grounds:

1. Purchase a tuxedo t-shirt for formal events: It's a step in the right direction.

2. Spell out "I'm sorry" on the White House lawn with rare earth minerals: Ideally while Zelensky stands crying with a boombox over his head.

3. Arrange a special screening with all the other actors in Paddington: Trump loves that little bear.

4. Say one nice thing about Vladimir Putin: Just suck it up and say Putin looks good shirtless on a horse.

5. Learn how to cuss in English: We strongly prefer to be cursed at in our national language.

6. Bring two Big-Macs with Extra Large fries: Not for a particular reason, Trump was just hungry when he made this list.

7. Call your buddy Ben Stiller and tell him to please dye the gray out of his hair: It looks terrible.

8. Bring back ten of the dollars from the $100 billion in aid that he "doesn't know the location of": Shouldn't be that hard.

Just eight simple tasks and we can put this whole affair behind us. Your move, Zelensky.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; fecklessmidget; littlezimplodes; posturingmidget
Call Vance a "bitch" in English next time Zelensky. /s
1 posted on 03/02/2025 5:54:03 AM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

Zelensky is being told to spill the beans on the Biden Crime Family/Deep State money laundering scheme of 100 billion dollars.OR NO DEAL

The Eastern European bank network of George Soros did the laundering.

Trump knows exactly what he is doing.

The deep state tree is being shaken hard. Lets see who falls out of it.


2 posted on 03/02/2025 5:58:46 AM PST by Candor7 (Ask not for whom the Trump Trolls,He trolls for thee!),<img src="" width=500</img><a href="">tag</a>)
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To: DFG

It was actually a pretty good list.


3 posted on 03/02/2025 6:00:50 AM PST by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus)
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To: DFG
Ha! Demand #9...

Give Trump a bullet list of five things you accomplished last week! 😁

4 posted on 03/02/2025 6:01:13 AM PST by SMARTY (In politics, stupidity is not a handicap. Napoleon Bonaparte I)
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To: DFG
He owns a suit. He should have used it.

Did you noticed he wore the same exact outfit in the UK?
I don't think he changed his clothes after leaving Washington DC.


5 posted on 03/02/2025 6:02:42 AM PST by Tai_Chung
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To: Tai_Chung

I noticed that. Didn’t even bother changing clothes. Probably slept in them.


6 posted on 03/02/2025 6:08:57 AM PST by shelterguy
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To: Tai_Chung
He looks like a little child standing next to rump.


7 posted on 03/02/2025 6:29:12 AM PST by Delta 21 (If anyone is treasonous, it is those who call me such.)
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To: Delta 21

Imagine Barron looming behind him, looking down at him like a Newfoundland looks at a Chihuahua.


8 posted on 03/02/2025 6:39:12 AM PST by A_perfect_lady (The greatest wealth is to live content with little. -Plato)
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To: Tai_Chung

Zelensky looks really good in his designer workout attire. It does not take a genius to see he is getting supurb nutrician and takes plenty of gym time for workouts, during this difficult time for his country during which good food is scarce.

Trump is just jealous of Zelensky’s physique, and that is the main reason Trump requested a coat and tie! 😉/s


9 posted on 03/02/2025 6:59:30 AM PST by The_Media_never_lie
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To: Delta 21

Indeed he has a mind of one.

A young Eddy Haskell


10 posted on 03/02/2025 7:20:55 AM PST by Vaduz
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To: metmom

If Zelenskyy comes back he better wear a bulletproof suit. Obama and Biden are starting to sweat and they have no financial Chanel to the funding so Zelensky is a liability.


11 posted on 03/02/2025 7:37:14 AM PST by cnsmom
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To: Delta 21

It fits since he acts like one.


12 posted on 03/02/2025 7:41:17 AM PST by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus)
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To: DFG

Since Europe apparently wants this forever war to continue I suggest they draft their Mozlem males and sent them over to fight with a meager amount of weapons.


13 posted on 03/02/2025 8:20:01 AM PST by Nateman (Democrats did not strive for fraud friendly voting merely to continue honest elections.)
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To: Delta 21

Are those lift shoes he is wearing?


14 posted on 03/02/2025 9:25:59 AM PST by Aut Pax Aut Bellum (2025 is going to be a rough ride.)
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To: DFG

5. Learn how to cuss in English: We strongly prefer to be cursed at in our national language.

It would have been the decent thing to do. And make sure that it’s clever. American’s respect that. Cussing is an art here in the US.


15 posted on 03/02/2025 9:53:23 AM PST by The_Harlequin (…the time will arrive when you will learn to judge for yourself of what is going on in the world, wi)
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