Posted on 11/21/2024 5:20:58 AM PST by Enterprise
DEAR ABBY: I’m a 64-year-old guy. I am single and have two daughters and four grandkids. A young woman (“Sarah”), who is my daughter’s age, and I have been hiking buddies for the past five years. I treat her like my third daughter and a family member. Sarah is married, and her husband does not enjoy hiking. Her husband and my daughters accept our friendship and are happy that I found a person I can hike with.
I have been dating a lady (“Toni”) who is close to my age. Six months ago, I suggested we should spend our lives together. My daughters and Sarah were happy for me. Toni rejected my proposal, citing that I must have some kind of romantic relationship with Sarah.
When I mentioned it to Sarah, she distanced from me. I think she thinks she may have interfered with my relationship with Toni. We’re still friends but not like before. Should I talk to Sarah and ask why she distanced from me? I feel depressed about this and have some remorse. I should not have told her what Toni said.
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meh. me thinks the guy had a tiny crush on Sarah regardless of what he says.
He should not have said anything to Sarah about Toni’s comments- I know if I was friendly with a man and his woman did not like it and said so out loud, I’d back off.
I would be OK with it given the same set of circumstances particularly a pre-existing friendship.
With some generational younger chick? Even without any sexual overtones, that could be a real life extender. 😉
Women....
Bring along a little bacon and bring along a little beans
My natural gate is slow. My wife’s is much faster. We can’t walk together because she is constantly speeding up. One day I left work and at a cross walk started walking. A young, short girl started walking as well. We walked the same pace toward the next crosswalk. After a little, I asked her if everyone told her she walked slow. Sher laughed and said yes and we talked a bit until the next intersection where we went separate ways. It was nice not being pressed to walk faster.
So, what was Abby’s advice?
I walk very fast and don’t like to talk when hiking. Mostly I hike alone. Even when I would hike with my buddies, we hardly ever talked. We were doing some serious hills and hiking about 10-15 miles, so we just wanted to keep focused.
Ditch Toni and ditch Sarah.
A guy shouldn’t have female friends he spends extended time with.
To easy for something to go wrong.
Get a dog and then a new gal his age
Excellent advice!
Hon, Toni did you a massive favor.
Keep the friendship with Sarah if possible and move on with your life. Join a hiking club to meet new people and perhaps new hiking buddies.
Or get a dog. My best hiking buddy is my dog - he's already ready to go, never complains and offers protection when I'm out in nature (Laken Riley comes to mind).
What is wrong with an older man hiking with a younger woman. If it’s something they both enjoy and he’s single and her husband and his daughter don’t mind, why should anyone else? People get so hung up on age. This guy is 64. I’m guessing Sarah is probably in her 30’s if she’s the same age as his daughter. Not exactly child exploitation here. Two adults with similar interests enjoying each other’s company in the open, completely above board.
I have a friend who got into the same thing. He’s 75 and his wife died a couple of years ago. He met a young woman at church. I think she was in her early 40’s. They were in the same bible study group. They found out that they both enjoyed musical theater, so they attended a couple of shows together. Not a date. Everyone paid their own way, and they met at the venue. Their preacher and his wife thought it was nice and good for both of them. She made it clear she was not looking for anything but someone to go to the shows with and he was cool with that, he wasn’t looking either. He had been married faithfully for 50 years and had three kids and grandkids and was just happy to have someone to talk to and share his interest with. Well, his oldest daughter and SIL lost it and made life miserable for him. They harassed him over it to the point he finally gave up and stopped even talking to the young woman at church. They feel really smug over it and he’s just lonely.
This obsession some people have about age between consenting adults is just strange to me. I’m 73 and happily married, but I have friends, male and female that are 20-30 younger than me. I enjoy their company, and my wife isn’t the least bit worried. She knows and is friends with many of them too. People need to mind their own business and let people live their lives. As long as everybody involved is above board and honest I don’t see the problem. Sarah was cool with it, her husband was cool with it, and the guy’s daughter was good, Toni seemed to be the only one be pissy about it. Maybe she felt threatened by a younger woman presence. Don’t know why it was such a big deal to her, but I’m guessing he dodged a bullet. Too bad Sarah bailed. Hopefully he can find another hiking buddy.
Perhaps Sarah, upon being made aware that others perceived the relationship as more than hiking pals, was concerned that her husband might think that too without admitting it or even being conscious of it. Therefore she wanted to back off to protect her marriage.
Project much? What a load of crap. So, you’re saying any guy who is doing anything with a younger woman is motivated solely by his desire to boink her. What a sad way to exist. People can just be friends. You sound like the feminists who rant about toxic masculinity and run the kangaroo rape courts on college campuses.
That is possible even if not accurate. I’d like to think she talked to her husband about it and just didn’t assume that, but it may have made her think. I’m sure, based on the responses here, that there were many people with those thoughts. That’s sad really that other people’s warped perceptions can ruin friendships, but I’ve seen it happen.
It sounds like the two hiking buddies were long-timed friends and their hiking trips pre-dated his relationship with the girlfriend. If the two were going to develop something closer, it would have already happened.
Some women just can’t stand the thought of their husbands or boyfriends speaking to another woman, no matter the relationship. Some men are the same way about their wife speaking to another man. They are apparently insecure in their relationship.
Why didn’t she go camping and hiking with him? If their interests were so different that she wasn’t interested in such outdoor activities then they probably had little in common and a marriage wouldn’t have lasted.
The guy dodged a bullet since she would suspect every woman he spoke to in the future.
He should talk to the camping buddy and see if he can get their friendship back onto its previous path. And in the future, don’t date a woman unless she likes camping/hiking.
Sarah is married
More top-notch analysis from you. 2% of the facts but you know exactly what's going on.
Projecting?
LOL
A great oldie. The band members are nicely dressed and so are the audience members. The girls are pretty and I could fall in love with them if I could turn back time.
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