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UK Prime Minister Recommends Citizens Avoid Stabbings By Submitting To The Holy Koran And Acknowledging Muhammad As The One True Prophet Of Allah, Peace Be Upon Him
Babylon Bee ^ | 08/26/2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/26/2024 2:28:51 PM PDT by DFG

LONDON — In an official response to the recent unrest in Great Britain, UK Prime Minister Kier Starmer has advised British citizens to avoid getting stabbed by just submitting to the Holy Koran and acknowledging Mohammed as the One True Prophet of Allah, peace be upon him.

In his address to the great British public, Starmer noted that it "really isn't that hard" to not get stabbed, always providing that "one is a good Allah-fearing man and not an infidel."

"I say, old chaps, just convert to Islam, what what?" Starmer reportedly said, gesturing towards a table where British government officials were handing out burkas and AK-47s. "If you don't want to get stabbed, all you have to do is submit to the Koran and acknowledge Mohammed as Allah's prophet. Really quite simple, chaps. I don't see what all the trouble with the biznai is."

Starmer's advice seems to have been well-received among the British citizenry, as the BBC has reported even higher levels of mostly peacefulness from new converts during public demonstrations.

At publishing time, Starmer had also helpfully told British women that all they had to do to not get raped in broad daylight in London was quit their jobs, stay home all of the time, and wear burkas.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: almostgotme; babylonbee; bbc; british; keirstalin; london; londonistan; quran47verse4; smitetheirnecks; starmer

1 posted on 08/26/2024 2:28:51 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG
Stabby Road
2 posted on 08/26/2024 2:36:12 PM PDT by deks (Deo duce, ferro comitante · God for guide, sword for companion)
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To: DFG

The first thing I did, was to look and see if it was the Bee, and sure enough, it was. 😀


3 posted on 08/26/2024 2:40:15 PM PDT by Mark17 (Retired USAF air traffic controller. Father of USAF pilot. Both bitten by the aviation bug)
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To: DFG
quit their jobs, stay home all of the time, and wear burkas.

And grow long, black beards (maybe red ones if they use henna color).

4 posted on 08/26/2024 3:04:22 PM PDT by FroggyTheGremlim (Plunk your magic twanger, Froggy!)
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To: DFG

I know this is the Bee, but where is King Charles and defender of the faith.


5 posted on 08/26/2024 3:06:29 PM PDT by DownInFlames (P)
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To: DFG

Watch Two Tier Starmer response to BLM Riots vs Southport Riots #TwoTierKier pic.twitter.com/P3BkBFwIjO— Two-Tier Kier (@twotierkier) August 5, 2024


6 posted on 08/26/2024 3:11:11 PM PDT by MinorityRepublican
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To: Mark17

This goes to prove George W. Bush was right, ISLAM IS a religion of Peace. Repeat this 100X. It will be easier each time to believe it if you repeat it often. Just like it’s founder.. a very peaceful man, never lifted his sword to harm anyone........


7 posted on 08/26/2024 3:15:19 PM PDT by rovenstinez
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To: DFG

They fooled me this time.


8 posted on 08/26/2024 4:05:18 PM PDT by Jemian (There is tough. And then, there is TRUMP TOUGH!)
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To: Mark17

Yeah, except that it’s too possibly true.


9 posted on 08/26/2024 4:57:44 PM PDT by metmom (He who testifies to these things says, “Surely I am coming soon.” Amen. Come, Lord Jesus”)
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To: metmom

That’s true. Those clowns really DO want to dominate the world. I just wonder if the “religion of peace,” is the one world religion of the tribulation period, or is it something we haven’t even heard of yet?


10 posted on 08/26/2024 5:35:27 PM PDT by Mark17 (Retired USAF air traffic controller. Father of USAF pilot. Both bitten by the aviation bug)
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To: DFG

Don’t give Herr Starmer such ideas.


11 posted on 08/26/2024 5:58:53 PM PDT by Thud
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