Posted on 07/11/2024 10:32:41 AM PDT by John Semmens
Reeling from reverberating calls for him to drop out of the race for reelection after his pathetic performance in last week's televised debate with former President Donald Trump, the Biden Administration has announced new initiatives aimed at boosting his support among voters.
At the top of the list is a plan to prosecute "price-gouging grocers." Secretary of Commerce Gina Marie Raimondo explained that "the evidence is overwhelming that the price increases we are seeing for food is the intentional work of the people running the supermarkets, corner stores, and bodegas. In every case, the prices of the meats, produce, and packaged goods delivered to them by wholesalers are deliberately marked up before they're made available for customers to buy. This is profiteering at its worst. Unlike Republicans who turn a blind eye toward this exploitation of human need, we are going to refer these miscreants to the Department of Justice where they can be prosecuted and punished."
Next is a plan to save the endangered spotted owl by deploying marksmen to shoot 450,000 barred owls in the forests of Oregon, Washington, and California. Director of the United States Fish and Wildlife Service Martha Williams pointed out that "we've already decimated the logging industry in these states to preserve the habitat, but the larger and more powerful barred owls are out-competing the smaller spotted owls. By significantly reducing the number of barred owls competing for the same prey we hope to enable the numbers of the endangered species to increase. By announcing this strong plan we expect voters to punish Republicans at the polls this November for completely ignoring this critical environmental issue."
Finally, President Biden told a crowd at a Wisconsin rally that "I'm proud to be the first vice president, first Black woman, to serve with a Black president." Presidential Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre said "the President felt that like others who have taken the courageous step of publicly announcing their trans identity he should do likewise. A byproduct of this announcement is that the allegations that he has violated the personal space of dozens of women will be converted from disgusting lechery to hot girl-on-girl sex."
If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...
https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,536124.0.html
KJP will be fired.
Her problem is that she is so unlikeable and stupid even msnbc isn't going to hire her.
New long term batteries?
Biden needs a stronger mouthpiece. It’s the logical next step if he’s staying in. We will see.
Biden’s New Initiatives to Energize his Campaign:
1. divorce drjill
2. marry Kamala Harris
3. disown Hunter Biden
4. adopt an illegal
5. go on Jeopardy
6. take a course on How To Win Friends and Influence People
7. go to a Chinese Cooking School
8. orders WH chef to send cruets of Russian Dressing to Ukraine
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