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New Labour Government Promises To Fix British Teeth By 2025
Babylon Bee ^ | 07/05/2024 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/05/2024 1:24:58 PM PDT by DFG

LONDON — Following the Labour Party's landslide victory under Prime Minister Keir Starmer in Britain's recent elections, the new government has assured the British public that it will make good on its biggest promise yet: fixing British teeth by 2025.

According to a Labour spokesman close to PM Starmer, the newly elected leader plans an ambitious campaign to ensure that every British citizen will have had his or her crooked horse teeth and receding chins rectified by 2025.

"It's gonna be a proper toughie, but we can do it, mate," Starmer stated in the British tongue during his first speech as Prime Minister. "But we can bally well do it. We'll sort out everyone's chompers, by Jove! We'll toughen up those gums, me lads, we'll toughen them up like billyoh! We'll educate our citizenry on oral health until the British pearly whites are the envy of the world and the darling of Europe. And all by 2025, wot-wot? Let's hear three cheers for Labour!"

Starmer's promise has been well-received by the Great British Public and nations around the world. British children are already lining up for blocks to get into dentists' and orthodontists' offices.

At publishing time, French President Macron was desperately trying to get re-elected by promising to fix French body odor by 2025, but was failing as most French people didn't seem to understand why that would be desirable.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; british; labour; satire; starmer; teeth

1 posted on 07/05/2024 1:24:58 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!


2 posted on 07/05/2024 1:41:05 PM PDT by paterfamilias
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To: DFG

Fix British teeth (with DEI dentists) and finance Zelensky at the same time? All paid-for by a stagnant economy dragged down by high energy costs??


3 posted on 07/05/2024 1:50:15 PM PDT by Socon-Econ (adi)
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To: DFG
> French President Macron was desperately trying to get re-elected by promising to fix French body odor by 2025, but was failing as most French people didn't seem to understand why that would be desirable.

While the French are legendary for their body odor, I daresay there are a few other cultures that can outdo the French with one arm tied behind their back (figuratively speaking that is). But to be fair, those other cultures tend to be in hot, sweaty tropical climes. The French have no such excuse.

4 posted on 07/05/2024 2:06:05 PM PDT by dayglored (Strange Women Lying In Ponds Distributing Swords! Arthur Pendragon in 2024)
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To: DFG

LOL!


5 posted on 07/05/2024 2:34:58 PM PDT by gattaca (Once a nation loses control of its borders, it is no longer a nation...Ronald Reagan)
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To: DFG

I have GOT to notice who the source of the article is before I read on, stunned and all...


6 posted on 07/05/2024 2:58:58 PM PDT by Beowulf9
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To: DFG

7 posted on 07/05/2024 3:04:31 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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