Posted on 10/01/2023 1:14:12 PM PDT by DFG
JACKSON, MS — In a desperate bid to stop First Baptist Church from voting on hideous new carpet, local elder Gary McCord took matters into his own hands and pulled the church's fire alarm.
"I did what I had to do," said Mr. McCord. "That is the absolute worst shade of purple I've seen in all my years."
As the Fire Department arrived, Mr. McCord brushed off questions about his motivation for triggering the evacuation. "Look here, mister fireman," began Mr. McCord, holding up two swatches of carpet. "When you walk into church, you expect this here standard burgundy, okay? Now look at this bright purple abomination, this neon swatch of horror! It's not just a migraine-inducing eyesore, it's heresy! They'll have to put me in the cemetery out back before I see this laid down in my church!"
According to sources in the congregation, the discussion of which shade of maroon and purple to choose for the new carpet has caused deep rifts within the church. "The battle lines are drawn," said parishioner Emily Langston. "It's cutting through families, even marriages. I was just hoping for something a little brighter than the dull, dark purple we've had for decades. This evacuation is just the latest salvo in the battle."
At publishing time, the meeting had resumed but devolved into turmoil after a young congregant asked if anyone had considered a color besides purple.
What else could they do? There was no choice.
Meh, any color looks good as long as it’s deep shag.
Our pastor once had a church split on a vote to approve…
Indoor privies.
And another church on air conditioning.
Times have changed.
I had my wedding at a different church after mine put in purple carpet.
good move...
It would have been funnier if the church elder had been arrested to highlight the difference in law enforcement against the peasants and the nobility in Congress.
Just watching stupid democrats to stupid stuff gives the Bee all the stories they will ever need.
Since it's First Baptist in Jackson, they're more into Ole Miss blue and red.
Decisions decisions.
Maybe he thought it would open the doors. 😊😄
9 replies so far, and it looks like some folks don’t realize it’s the Babylon Bee.
Love the Bee
And how many Baptists does it take to change a lightbulb?
CHANGE? What’s that?
Srednik
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