Posted on 05/24/2023 7:46:17 PM PDT by CheshireTheCat
I've worked for a large bank for 6 years. I have excellent performance reviews. The female co-worker lives/works in California. I do not work with her on any projects nor is she related to my team. Nor are we in the same office. She reached out looking to leave CA to NC. There was a position open on my team & sent her the application. She applied and wasn't granted an interview. She called me mad and frustrated. She filed a complaint two days ago against me with HR. We last texted 3 months ago; HR has this text string. I met with HR, and I'm being investigated. In one text, I said she was "pretty and young". She's accusing me of tracking her and asking verbally if she sold her home and if she wanted to move to NC. I won't have future contact with her. I presented to HR an e-mail chain of her telling me she doesn't like CA and that she wanted to move to NC. I used to consider her a friendly acquaintance. I'm told HR will make a "recommendation" to my manager in 3 days. I have a good relationship with my manager. In the complaint, I did NOT hear the words "sexual harassment" but only "uncomfortable" - I think she is retaliating against me.
My comment: I too work for banks. I refuse to discuss anything aside from work other than 1) my dog 2) hiking which I enjoy or 3) the weather.
I really don’t care if people think I have no life or am shallow or am a robot or whatever. I simply will not take the chance of having my career negatively impacted by something like this.
When Covid came along and they forced me to work from home, I discovered how much I love it. Now there is utterly no reason to ever chit chat with female colleagues and no contact with HR - that’s exactly how I want it.
In one text, I said she was “pretty and young”.
How was that known?
That can get men into trouble also. The silent treatment drives many woo-men bonkers. There's no winning with modern female masculinists.
“She filed a complaint two days ago against me with HR. We last texted 3 months ago”
Such timing would make it more likely that non-contact was the cause of her uncomfort and not contact.
I assume that in the case of the guy who posted his anecdote (not my guy), the chick turned over to HR the entirety of the text messages he and she ever sent each other.
I went through a nightmare like this many years ago. I’d go hardcore on HR, let them know they will get sued if this goes further.
Even the trivial is now serious.
When I was in academia I refused to talk to female students in my office. If they needed to talk to me it was at the library reference desk.
I wonder if it ever occurs to girls like her that while she may be successful in getting the guy fired, the company may bide its time for a few months and then come up with something to fire her over because she has proven herself to be a loose cannon.
The first time that a woman complains about making her uncomfortable should be the last time you have any deal things with her. You are better off to send a woman subordinate, if you are able, to deal with her. If you must deal with her, stick with yes or no answers only. No friendly conversations.
“...no contact with HR...”
Always my plan starting 50 years ago.
Likewise. I compartmentalize my social groups and keep work at a distance.
Does the person involved have a contract, or is a member of a union? If either is true, then the person has considerable protection. He might well weather the storm.
But if not, then the person is basically an at-will employee, and can be fired for any reason. Or for no reason at all.
In that latter case, it all depends on how much the person needs the job. If his family depends on his income, then there is no shame in groveling (for the lack of a better word). And I’m quite serious about this. It’s a woke world. You’ve got to pick your hill to die on. And this isn’t it.
Side story: I once overheard an older co-worker of mine talk to a new hire. “Here’s the most important phrase to use here,” the old guy said. “It’s ‘I’m sorry. It will never happen again.’”
I was a bit taken aback by that. But now I know that the old guy was correct. 100% correct. You can win just by surviving.
Alliances
Character alliances
Witnesses
The buddy system
Video tape
In one text, I said she was “pretty and young”.
yer done...
Keep a detailed diary; maintain a system of secure copies.
Keep living. Eat right. Get exercise. Sleep right.
Pray.
At least you find out who the crazy triggered women are. Can’t a woman handle a text message without running to her boss. These woman would not have fared very well in the 80’s.
“It is best not to communicate with women in a work environment.”
No, but just answer any business-related questions. At work, don’t discuss anything outside of work and shut off any conversation that starts to head that way. Don’t discuss opinions of other workers and keep any work discussion general. If you have a business question, it is best to ask someone your own sex.
I hate this s*it. If I owned a company I wouldn’t hire females, and I’m a female. Oh, how I miss the days of being called young and pretty.
Which is why you also have to be careful not to be too friendly with the other males on the team, and ignore the women, because, yes, they will notice that too, and complain that it's a "Boys Club".
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