Officials Remind Residents Of East Palestine To Protect Themselves By Getting Their COVID Booster

Babylon Bee ^ | 02/15/2023 | Babylon Bee

[DFG]

EAST PALESTINE, OH — Government officials are warning residents of East Palestine to protect themselves from deadly health risks by making sure they've received the latest COVID booster.

"In light of the ongoing environmental and health crisis in rural Ohio, we are urging all citizens to make sure they are up to date on their vaccinations," said Ohio Health Department spokesperson Danze Pickleton. "The chemicals being spilled into the water and burned into the air are nothing compared to the deadly power of the latest variant XBB.1.5. Get your booster, East Palestinians!"

The Ohio DOH reiterated that it's essential to get vaccinated, especially if you are traveling to a new place after losing your home to a deadly chemical spill and are being forced to leave under threat of arrest.

"If there's one thing we care about here in government it's your health. Please get vaccinated," said Pickleton.

At publishing time, the Department of Transportation had recommended preventing future chemical spills by making everyone turn in their guns.

[Mr. K]

Almost got me!!!

[laplata]

What despicable bastards.

[laplata]

I fell for it because I believed it.

[Menehune56]

[Rusty0604]

I was believing this until I saw it’s the BB.

[SkyDancer]

I think the town’s name is Palentine not Palestine.

[A strike]

buzzer... ,
try again

-fJRoberts-

[Billthedrill]

Got me. CoVid vaccines may help against climate change and White Supremacy, but not chemical spills.

[Texas resident]

I would doubt it at all. Last hurricane season, the cdc was including the covid shot as hurricane preparations.

[laplata]

Good reminder. I remember something about that.

[Deplorable American1776]

Thanks, Babylon Bee for the laugh...

[SkyDancer]

Tell the news service, don’t yell at me.

[Songcraft]

Officials there also strongly urged the farmers living there to make sure to install cow burp/fart catchers on all their cows, so as to trap the cows' methane gas emissions, in order to improve air quality, and protect the environment from cow-triggered climate change.


     

[A strike]

You’re the one who posted it.

[SkyDancer]

I. Know. I just repeated what I heard. Okay? Satisfied?

[CottonBall]

“At publishing time, the Department of Transportation had recommended preventing future chemical spills by making everyone turn in their guns.”

I was able to hold in my Giggles until the last line!