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Officials Remind Residents Of East Palestine To Protect Themselves By Getting Their COVID Booster
Babylon Bee ^ | 02/15/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 02/15/2023 11:09:11 AM PST by DFG

EAST PALESTINE, OH — Government officials are warning residents of East Palestine to protect themselves from deadly health risks by making sure they've received the latest COVID booster.

"In light of the ongoing environmental and health crisis in rural Ohio, we are urging all citizens to make sure they are up to date on their vaccinations," said Ohio Health Department spokesperson Danze Pickleton. "The chemicals being spilled into the water and burned into the air are nothing compared to the deadly power of the latest variant XBB.1.5. Get your booster, East Palestinians!"

The Ohio DOH reiterated that it's essential to get vaccinated, especially if you are traveling to a new place after losing your home to a deadly chemical spill and are being forced to leave under threat of arrest.

"If there's one thing we care about here in government it's your health. Please get vaccinated," said Pickleton.

At publishing time, the Department of Transportation had recommended preventing future chemical spills by making everyone turn in their guns.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; covid; eastpalestine; spill; vaccine

1 posted on 02/15/2023 11:09:11 AM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

Almost got me!!!


2 posted on 02/15/2023 11:10:18 AM PST by Mr. K (No consequence of repealing Obamacare is worse than Obamacare)
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To: DFG

What despicable bastards.


3 posted on 02/15/2023 11:10:48 AM PST by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: Mr. K

I fell for it because I believed it.


4 posted on 02/15/2023 11:13:45 AM PST by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: DFG

5 posted on 02/15/2023 11:13:46 AM PST by Menehune56 ("Let them hate so long as they fear" (Oderint Dum Metuant), Lucius Accius (170 BC - 86 BC))
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To: DFG

I was believing this until I saw it’s the BB.


6 posted on 02/15/2023 11:15:55 AM PST by Rusty0604 (Desperately looking for new conspiracy theories as all the old ones have come true)
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To: DFG

I think the town’s name is Palentine not Palestine.


7 posted on 02/15/2023 12:02:30 PM PST by SkyDancer (Hold on tight to your dream)
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To: SkyDancer

buzzer... ,
try again

-fJRoberts-


8 posted on 02/15/2023 1:25:27 PM PST by A strike ("The worse, the better."- Lenin (& Schwab & Soros)
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To: DFG

Got me. CoVid vaccines may help against climate change and White Supremacy, but not chemical spills.


9 posted on 02/15/2023 1:27:32 PM PST by Billthedrill
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To: laplata

I would doubt it at all. Last hurricane season, the cdc was including the covid shot as hurricane preparations.


10 posted on 02/15/2023 1:31:20 PM PST by Texas resident (Who is running our country?)
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To: Texas resident

Good reminder. I remember something about that.


11 posted on 02/15/2023 2:27:37 PM PST by laplata (They want each crisis to take the greatest toll possible.)
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To: DFG

Thanks, Babylon Bee for the laugh...


12 posted on 02/15/2023 2:33:01 PM PST by Deplorable American1776 (Defund the FBI, the American Stasi.. Hello 2023, can we get over 2020 yet? )
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To: A strike

Tell the news service, don’t yell at me.


13 posted on 02/15/2023 2:57:48 PM PST by SkyDancer (Hold on tight to your dream)
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To: DFG

Officials there also strongly urged the farmers living there to make sure to install cow burp/fart catchers on all their cows, so as to trap the cows' methane gas emissions, in order to improve air quality, and protect the environment from cow-triggered climate change.


     

14 posted on 02/15/2023 3:00:30 PM PST by Songcraft
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To: SkyDancer

You’re the one who posted it.


15 posted on 02/15/2023 3:04:04 PM PST by A strike ("The worse, the better."- Lenin (& Schwab & Soros)
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To: A strike

I. Know. I just repeated what I heard. Okay? Satisfied?


16 posted on 02/15/2023 4:48:07 PM PST by SkyDancer (Hold on tight to your dream)
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To: DFG

“At publishing time, the Department of Transportation had recommended preventing future chemical spills by making everyone turn in their guns.”

I was able to hold in my Giggles until the last line!


17 posted on 02/16/2023 6:48:40 PM PST by CottonBall (“Fascism should be called corporatism because it is a merger of state & corporate power" - Mussolini)
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