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Hunter Biden Demands Justice [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 Feb 2023 | John Semmens

Posted on 02/03/2023 11:11:27 PM PST by John Semmens

This week Hunter Biden broke from the Democrat Party line asserting that his laptop was Russian disinformation and acknowledged that the infamous computer device was, indeed, his. Now he wants justice for "the invasion of my privacy leading to my involuntary disclosure of incriminating evidence against myself. This violates my Fifth Amendment rights."

Biden's lawyer, Abbe Lowell, demanded that "computer repair shop owner John Paul Mac Isaac must be prosecuted and the evidence of our client's criminal activities be thrown out under the 'fruit of the poisonous tree' doctrine. Hunter Biden never gave consent to the examination of his laptop. No warrant was ever issued authorizing the examination of the device. Therefore, any evidence of crimes contained on the laptop can never be used against him."

Attorney General Merrick Garland admitted that "Hunter may be in the right on this issue. Most of the alleged 'crimes' validated by the laptop appear to be victimless crimes. There is no proof that smoking crack, paying prostitutes for sex, giving and receiving bribes to secure business deals harms anyone other than Biden himself. Further persecution of the sole surviving son of the President of the United States seems an unwarranted distraction from the outstanding job his father is doing as president."

Former Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-Ill) observed that "it would be really dangerous for the House GOP to pursue its own investigation of the Bidens. The President has control over powerful federal agencies like the IRS and FBI that could make their lives miserable. Rather than invite the embarrassment of a tax audit or a dawn arrest in your underwear, it would be wiser to admit defeat. Even if they uncovered rock-solid evidence of misdeeds the President could grant his son and himself pardons and be praised by the media for promoting unity and saving democracy."

In related news, Hunter is also suing FOX News for defamation of character. Lowell said "Tucker Carlson's claim that Hunter was paying his dad $50,000 every three months for rent on office space is a gross exaggeration of the amount of money being illicitly channeled from Hunter's dubious business deals to his father. The actual amount was only $49,910."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/339196-2023-02-04-semi-news-semi-satire-february-5-2023-edition.htm


TOPICS: Government; History; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: 5thamendment; garland; kinzinger; laptop; satire; selfincrimination

1 posted on 02/03/2023 11:11:27 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 02/03/2023 11:13:14 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Hey, I agree with him. There should be Justice.


3 posted on 02/03/2023 11:36:28 PM PST by nickcarraway
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To: John Semmens

Just like the drug dealer calling the police because someone stole his dope? Or the addict calling police because someone sold him parmesan cheese instead of meth.


4 posted on 02/04/2023 2:25:29 AM PST by know.your.why (Be not eager to be offended. The narcissism of small differences leads to THE most boring conformity)
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To: John Semmens
my involuntary disclosure of incriminating evidence against myself

clever

5 posted on 02/04/2023 7:45:25 AM PST by goo goo g'joob
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To: John Semmens

If Hunter Biden demands justice he would turn himself and family in.


6 posted on 02/04/2023 7:46:47 AM PST by Vaduz (LAWYERS )
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To: John Semmens

How DARE they creep on his drug deals, his money laundering operations… his sexual relations with prostitutes and underage relatives!!!

Why… this is an OUTRAGE! Poor.. POOR Hunter!…


7 posted on 02/04/2023 8:15:54 AM PST by joethedrummer (We can't vote our way out of this, folks..)
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To: John Semmens

Good one.


8 posted on 02/04/2023 11:26:16 AM PST by Mark (DONATE ONCE every 3 months-is that a big deal?)
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To: John Semmens

Another good one, John! If only it weren’t so very close to the factual truth. I had to re-read it a few times to find where you snuck the semi-satire in.


9 posted on 02/04/2023 3:23:37 PM PST by dayglored (Strange Women Lying In Ponds Distributing Swords! Arthur Pendragon in 2024)
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