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House Republicans Frantically Binge Old 'Schoolhouse Rock' Episodes To Figure Out What They're Supposed To Be Doing
Babylon Bee ^ | 01/04/2023 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 01/04/2023 12:53:05 PM PST by DFG

WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Republicans have requested a congressional recess following another failed round of voting for the next Speaker of the House so they can frantically binge-watch old episodes of Schoolhouse Rock and figure out what they're supposed to be doing.

McCarthy reportedly told aides, "There's got to be something in these ancient songs. Hold all my calls! I refuse to talk to any constituents until I am Speaker!"

Republicans first reviewed the classic song "Three-Ring Government" but found it unsettling. They learned a lot but all comparisons to a three-ring circus felt strangely offensive. "We are not a bunch of clowns! You're the clowns!" Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene yelled at the screen. She was supported by Rep. Matt Gaetz, who resented the very idea that he was anything but practically perfect in every way.

According to sources, Republicans quickly grew bored of their intense study of government policy and ordered their aides to review the educational tapes instead. A 4,000-page report on the lessons learned from the catchy tunes and whimsical animation was prepared and half-heartedly skimmed by a majority of the congressional representatives who had requested the information in the first place.

At publishing time, Rep. Kevin McCarthy is still reviewing footage of Schoolhouse Rock, searching for any means whatsoever to gain power. "All I care about is power," he said, eyes lit by the haunting glow of a dim television in a dark room full of empty chairs.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; congress; republican; schoolhouserock; speaker

1 posted on 01/04/2023 12:53:05 PM PST by DFG
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To: DFG

Now that is just plain funny!


2 posted on 01/04/2023 1:02:42 PM PST by SoConPubbie (Mitt and Obama: They're the same poison, just a different potency)
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To: SoConPubbie
I laughed my butt off years ago when I saw Steven Crowder's "I'm Just a Bill" parody of transgender madness.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcUJgbWrM64

Of course, that's when I didn't appreciate how serious the Dims are when their tranny hanky panky.

3 posted on 01/04/2023 1:04:57 PM PST by Tell It Right (1st Thessalonians 5:21 -- Put everything to the test, hold fast to that which is true.)
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To: DFG

Don’t laugh you can learn a thing or two from those


4 posted on 01/04/2023 1:05:27 PM PST by NWFree (Somebody has to say it 🤪)
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To: DFG

Well, it has been a while, and not just since they’ve been in Majority.


5 posted on 01/04/2023 1:06:00 PM PST by lepton ("It is useless to attempt to reason a man out of a thing he was never reasoned into"--Jonathan Swift)
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To: Tell It Right

The Simpsons did a great parody of “I’m Just A Bill”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSANTRnEBgg

(’Cause those liberal freaks go too far!)


6 posted on 01/04/2023 1:06:45 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: Tell It Right

The Simpsons did it first...

“There’s a lot of flag burners and they’ve got too much freedom
I want to make it legal for policemen to beat ‘em”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSANTRnEBgg


7 posted on 01/04/2023 1:34:51 PM PST by Boogieman
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To: Boogieman

“We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little.”


8 posted on 01/04/2023 1:36:14 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG

The law proposed in “I’m just a bill” was that all school buses must stop at railroad crossings. But that is clearly outside of the article 1 section 8 powers given to Congress.


9 posted on 01/04/2023 1:36:20 PM PST by KarlInOhio (Soon the January 6 protesters will be held (without trial or bail) longer than Jefferson Davis was.)
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To: DFG

Zero, my hero.

They got that one.

1,400,000,000,000


10 posted on 01/04/2023 1:40:52 PM PST by WeaslesRippedMyFlesh (wake me up when somebody tells the truth)
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To: DFG

They need to call Big Bird so he can teach them what they should do.


11 posted on 01/04/2023 1:45:04 PM PST by George J. Jetso
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To: NWFree

They probably will ban “The Melting Pot”, because now that’s considered “racist”.


12 posted on 01/04/2023 1:45:56 PM PST by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG

Fitting since the government has become such a clown show anyways.


13 posted on 01/04/2023 2:12:42 PM PST by metmom (...fixing our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith…)
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