Answering Questions in the Village of Chelm

Illinois Review ^ | August 15, AD 2022 | John F Di Leo

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The scene: As the curtain rises, we see an empty podium, a few paces ahead of the front stoop of the village hall in the remote village of Chelm. The village of Chelm is a small town of a thousand or so, far from any real civilization, but closely situated to the things that really matter to politicians - the newspaper bureau office, the national banks, the lobbyists, the four and five-star restaurants. Eventually, we see the Mayor of Chelm's press secretary, Benito Bugiardo, come out from the wings to appear behind the podium, as a few reporters walk on stage to take seats in front of him, cheating the angle just a bit, so they don't have their backs to the audience. The spotlight hits the press secretary, and we begin.

Press Secretary Bugiardo: Good morning, everyone! I know we have a lot to talk about today. We're beating inflation; job growth is thrilling, and the Mayor is spending his working vacation putting the finishing touches on his next great project, the Comprehensive Crime Bill. On top of all that, it is SUCH a beautiful day! So where shall we begin? Mr. Smith, I think you had your hand up first.

Mr. Smith, of the Chelm Bugle: Mr. Bugiardo, we have heard a rumor that the Mayor plans to hire 87 new tax collectors. Is that true, and if so, why do you need so many?

P.S. Bugiardo: What, don't you want to talk about jobs? or inflation? or what a great day it is? It really is lovely today, don't you think? The Mayor was just mentioning in our call this morning, in fact...

Mr. Smith: No, thank you, I need to ask about the rumored increase of 87 more tax collectors. My editor insisted...