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Report: FBI Raided Mar-A-Lago After Tip That Parents Were Protesting A School Board Meeting There
Babylon Bee ^ | 08/09/2022 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 08/09/2022 5:31:26 PM PDT by DFG

PALM BEACH, FL β€” Amid mounting accusations of attempting to intimidate former President Trump from running for re-election in 2024, Attorney General Merrick Garland explained today that when the FBI was tipped off about a school board protest at Mar-A-Lago, they mobilized without delay to quell the rising threat of concerned parents.

"When we received an anonymous tip that parents were assembling to criticize public school curriculum and policy, we sprung into action – we should have confirmed the veracity, but didn't want to risk any of these potential terrorists escaping." Garland spoke at a press conference today, adding "We take these threats very seriously."

Garland's Department of Justice came under fire last year for ordering the counter-terrorism division of the FBI to track parents who question pornographic reading assignments, but he reiterated that parents represent a violent extremist group during press questions. "The tip included reports of parents weighing in on their children's education. In light of this menace, I directed the FBI to pull resources from investigations into MS-13, jihadists, and Antifa immediately."

When pressed on why he sent 30 agents to Florida to quell a small protest of moms and dads, Garland stressed the immediacy of the danger: "We've seen disturbing news reports of parents reading vile pornographic material at school board meetings. These are clear instances of harassment and intimidation – we wouldn't want any school boards to be exposed to such filth, as we reserve it only for young children who need to learn inclusivity."

When asked if the Justice Department and FBI would enforce the federal law against protesting at Supreme Court Justices' houses or investigate Hunter Biden's 10% kickbacks to "the big guy" for business deals with Chinese energy companies, Garland ended the press conference, motioning for an aide to note which journalists asked the questions so the IRS could audit them next tax season.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; fbi; garland; humor; maralago; schoolboard

1 posted on 08/09/2022 5:31:26 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

The Bee is killing it with their headlines ;-)


2 posted on 08/09/2022 5:35:51 PM PDT by glorgau
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To: DFG

The Bee is Rush, publishing from beyond.


3 posted on 08/09/2022 5:43:46 PM PDT by Ezekiel (πŸ†˜οΈπ“ŠΉ π“Œƒ "Come fly with US". Ingenuity -- because the Son of David begins with Mars ♂️)
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To: DFG
LOL!
4 posted on 08/09/2022 5:43:55 PM PDT by Rummyfan (In any war between the civilized man and the savage, support the civilized man. )
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To: DFG

I wonder when the Bee will be raided.


5 posted on 08/09/2022 5:44:35 PM PDT by dynachrome (β€œWe cannot save Ukraine by dooming the US economy.” Rand Paul)
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To: DFG

https://flvoicenews.com/judge-who-approved-trump-fbi-warrant-is-ex-epstein-employee-lawyer-anti-trump-donor-reports-say/#:~:text=Sources%20reportedly%20told%20the%20Post%20that%20Reinhart%2


6 posted on 08/09/2022 5:45:47 PM PDT by unread ("It's not enough that we do our best; sometimes we have to do what's required." W. Churchill.)
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To: DFG

If I could be born again my goal in life would be to write for the Babylon Bee. With such a rich source of ideas for articles that just flows like water from our β€œleaders” and media it would be impossible to fail.

Best job in the world: Working for the BB.


7 posted on 08/09/2022 5:52:39 PM PDT by InterceptPoint (Ted, you finally endorsed.)
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To: Ezekiel

“The Bee is Rush, publishing from beyond.”

I like that!

But I do really wish we had Rush’s commentary on this mess.

He was such a blessing.

I remember exactly where I was the first time I heard him.


8 posted on 08/09/2022 5:57:38 PM PDT by lizma2
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To: Ezekiel

Mega Dittos! Seems like it


9 posted on 08/09/2022 5:59:19 PM PDT by Ymani Cricket (."Fear kills more people than death" ~General George C. Patton)
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To: DFG

May God continue to bless and keep safe the Babylon Bee writers. We need them now, more than ever.


10 posted on 08/09/2022 6:00:19 PM PDT by NautiNurse ( A Vanity Fair photo session and petitions for gay marriage define Zelenski's wartime focus)
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To: DFG

love the Bee, however the Bee needs to step up their game to keep in front of real headlines.


11 posted on 08/09/2022 6:05:16 PM PDT by Deplorable American1776 (I'm the one trying to save American Democracy...Donald Trump 6/5/21 at the NCGOP convention)
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To: glorgau

Yep, Da Bee is on fire.


12 posted on 08/09/2022 6:52:19 PM PDT by Roadrunner383 (;)
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To: lizma2; Ymani Cricket
I figure there's a lot that nobody knows about the next world, well pretty much everything.

Yet we understand in this life the saying that you can't keep a good man down.

If anyone could be trusted with the proper use of the "smite" button, it would be good-natured Rush, who was hated for being right for and using humor to attack the beast.

After all, the Torah literally begins "with [Χ‘] Rush [ראש] ". Those are the first four letters.

This FBI raid went down in Palm Beach. Rush was President Trump's neighbor so to speak. In the short list of commandments that sum up the entire Torah is to love your neighbor as yourself.

Here's a nice touch: Rush's PB beach house address is 1495 N. Ocean.

1495 is the sum of the 22 letters of the Hebrew alefbeit.

(Just what is.)

I see that there are recent stories about his widow putting the place on the market.

13 posted on 08/11/2022 8:27:23 AM PDT by Ezekiel (πŸ†˜οΈπ“ŠΉ π“Œƒ "Come fly with US". Ingenuity -- because the Son of David begins with Mars ♂️)
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