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San Fran to Pay Criminals to Not Shoot People [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 5 September 2021 | John Semmens

Posted on 09/08/2021 10:26:13 AM PDT by John Semmens

Starting this October the City of San Francisco will pay criminals $300 per month for each person they don't shoot. The program is called the "Dream Keeper Fellowship." Executive director of the Human Rights Commission Sheryl Davis said "in addition to the bounty for not killing people, street gang members will be paired with newly hired life coaches from the Street Violence Intervention Program, known as SVIP, who will help the them make the right choices and access services."

"The program will be funded by diverting funding from the police," Mayor London Breed said. "We decided that rather than trying to scare or forcibly restrain these young men from killing each other we should offer them monetary incentives to do the right thing. I know that $300 is not a lot of money in our city, but when you combine this with our decriminalization of shoplifting and the outlawing of rent, a person can have a comfortable life without being forced to take a job."

Area resident and Speaker of the US House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi (D) called the program "a model of how life could be changed for the better under a more progressive governance. The conservative delusion that work must precede consumption has been disproved. The federal government has the authority to create a quantity of money sufficient to meet the needs of an unlimited number of people. When we add in the money saved from discontinuing expenditures for law enforcement, national defense, border control and other unnecessary programs we can afford an idyllic era of indolence that will unchain the aspirations of every man, woman and child that chooses to make America their home."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php?topic=447391.0


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: crime; democrats; satire

1 posted on 09/08/2021 10:26:13 AM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Yeah man I didnt shoot 10 people last month...got $3,000...

This month Im working on double that...

WOW WOW !!!


2 posted on 09/08/2021 10:29:07 AM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: John Semmens

If they overpay, does that restore a murder victim to life? I’ll bet they will do a study to see if that works.


3 posted on 09/08/2021 10:52:02 AM PDT by Richard Axtell (As if.)
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To: John Semmens

If you do actually shoot someone do you have to give the money back?.................


4 posted on 09/08/2021 10:58:52 AM PDT by Red Badger (Homeless veterans camp in the streets while illegal aliens are put up in hotels.....................)
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To: John Semmens

Out and about the other day, I didn’t shoot 1,000 people. I’ll take cashier’s check, please.


5 posted on 09/08/2021 11:07:11 AM PDT by DPMD
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To: John Semmens

I remember when you were forced to tag your headlines with [semi-satire] because too many were getting upset believing the posts were 100% true.

Then I thought the [semi-satire] tag was so unnecessary. Now I appreciate it... lol


6 posted on 09/08/2021 11:29:46 AM PDT by Gene Eric (Don't be a statist!)
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To: John Semmens

Must be great to be a violent criminal in SF. They pay you if they don’t know about your killings. Plus you can walk into any store and steal $950 worth of things and walk out and not be arrested.

Do you have to give the money back if you later kill someone?


7 posted on 09/08/2021 11:38:18 AM PDT by I want the USA back (There's nothing in the Constitution that allows the government to become fascist. )
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To: John Semmens

And I got 30 days in Facebook Jail, after being out for four hours, because I quipped “If I get the $300 not to shoot someone can I still stab them or whack them with a hammer?

BAM! Back in for another 30 days after being out for 4 hours. They said I was “promoting violence.”

Before this I was in for posting a script from Monty Python’s THE LIFE OF BRIAN where Stan wants to become a woman and have babies.
Zuck’s goon squad said I was promoting “HATE”.

Zuck and his gestapo goons don’t recognize satire when they see it.


8 posted on 09/08/2021 11:48:33 AM PDT by Ruy Dias de Bivar (OUT OF FB JAIL! and back on the attack. 4 hours! Now back in FB jail-again!)
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To: Tennessee Nana

I’m mounting a mini gun on a truck and so I can claim a rate of 1000 peeps per hour. (Well at least weekends near the Wharf).


9 posted on 09/08/2021 12:31:16 PM PDT by BiglyCommentary
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To: BiglyCommentary

Greedy


10 posted on 09/08/2021 12:35:54 PM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: Tennessee Nana

You’re just sore I’m eating your piece of the pie.... haha.


11 posted on 09/08/2021 1:49:55 PM PDT by BiglyCommentary
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To: BiglyCommentary

No Im sore cause I only have a six shooter...


12 posted on 09/08/2021 2:06:55 PM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: I want the USA back

I think the system would work better to pay the police a bounty for shooting a bad guy. Rewards would be based on the crime and police record of the individual.


13 posted on 09/08/2021 3:26:27 PM PDT by oldasrocks
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