Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

Biden Tells Of The Time He Drove A Corellian Freighter And Made The Kessel Run In Less Than 12 Parsecs
Babylon Bee ^ | 07/30/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 07/30/2021 9:50:52 AM PDT by DFG

MACUNGIE, PA—In a rally at the Mack Truck facility in Lehigh Valley this week, President Biden boasted that he made the Kessel run in less than 12 parsecs back in the days when he was a hard-working interstellar freight driver.

"Yeah, these Mack Trucks are impressive, real impressive," said Biden, "but I gotta say, these are nothing compared to the Correllian light freighter I used to drive around smuggling contraband while avoiding Imperial patrols. That's no joke!"

The audience of union workers who had been forced to attend clapped politely, but seemed confused as to the meaning of Biden's odd statement.

The all-female White House communications team skillfully clarified Biden's statement the next day, saying that while Biden technically never piloted the Millenium Falcon, he did watch Star Wars once, and even rode along on the Star Wars Galaxy's Edge Millenium Falcon Ride at Disney when it first opened.

"The message we should all take away from this is that President Biden respects the hard work of our Hollywood science fiction movie makers, theme park designers, and blue-collar Mack Truck builders," they said.

Biden later began to tell the story of the time he brought balance to the force before his mic was quickly cut off.


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; correllian; kessel; lehigh; mack
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-34 last
To: DFG

Is it true biden won 3 gold metals
in the 1939 0lympics?


21 posted on 07/30/2021 10:30:01 AM PDT by Leep (Save America. Lock down Joe Biden!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Vermont Lt

The point is that Biden’s claim was nonsensical. See how that fits in?


22 posted on 07/30/2021 10:40:40 AM PDT by Mr. Lucky
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: DFG

The real question is how many democrat voters will actually believe this story?


23 posted on 07/30/2021 10:54:31 AM PDT by joma89 (Buy weapons and ammo, folks, and have the will to use them.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Biden’s fabrications are starting to resemble the North Korean stories about Kim il-Sungs making multiple holes in one the first time he played golf.


24 posted on 07/30/2021 11:32:29 AM PDT by The Great RJ ("Socialists are happy until they run out of people's money." Margaret Thatcher)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: DFG

Was this before or after he found the sword Excalibur in the Ark of the Covenant? Or was that Elizabeth Warren?


25 posted on 07/30/2021 11:58:46 AM PDT by yefragetuwrabrumuy (Do kids in Iceland still play "The Floor Is Lava?")
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Vermont Lt

A parsec is a measure of distance
____________________

The why would he say that he made a run in 12 parsec, if it is always 12 parsecs.

It is a definition of a time unit.

as a light year is a distance measure not a time unit as in how far light will travel in one year.


26 posted on 07/30/2021 12:22:32 PM PDT by dirtymac ( Now Is The Time For All Good Men To ComeTo The Aid Of Their Country! NOW)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 14 | View Replies]

To: dirtymac

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Kessel_Run/Legends


27 posted on 07/30/2021 12:29:35 PM PDT by ClearCase_guy
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: DFG

And he had to do a corkscrew landing so Hillary wouldn’t get shot by the Klingons.


28 posted on 07/30/2021 12:40:05 PM PDT by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: ClearCase_guy

How many grams in a Parsec?


29 posted on 07/30/2021 12:40:59 PM PDT by Organic Panic (Democrats. Memories as short as Joe Biden's eyes.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 9 | View Replies]

To: Red Badger

In a weak moment, I watched “Solo”.
Not worth the time to watch but they did make a lame effort to explain “The Kessel Run” comment.
Explanation seemed dumb too.


30 posted on 07/30/2021 1:03:18 PM PDT by Zathras
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 5 | View Replies]

To: dirtymac

Because he plotted a course through some asteroid section that was dangerous and he was able to go directly through it, instead of around it—thus doing in less time AND covering less distance.

Of course…none of it is real.


31 posted on 07/30/2021 5:15:25 PM PDT by Vermont Lt
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 26 | View Replies]

To: DFG; 100American; al baby; Allegra; BufordP; dp0622; DoodleBob; EveningStar; Gefn; GunsareOK; ...

President Biden, may The Force be with you!

DANG!


32 posted on 08/02/2021 8:40:58 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1 | View Replies]

To: Political Junkie Too

“I did it with that rodeo clown . . . um, er, what is his name again? Ban something?”


33 posted on 08/02/2021 8:43:11 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 15 | View Replies]

To: Organic Panic
How many grams in a Parsec?

That sounds like Hunter's bailiwick.*

*Still, kudos to him for apparently kicking his habit, even if he's still a corrupt git.

34 posted on 08/02/2021 8:46:04 AM PDT by Tolerance Sucks Rocks (Florida: America's new free zone.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 29 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-2021-34 last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson