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Bass Pro Shops Announces 2-for-1 Sale On All Nuclear Missiles
Babylon Bee ^ | 06/24/2021 | Babylon Bee

Posted on 06/24/2021 2:52:31 PM PDT by DFG

U.S.—In a bit of exciting news for firearms enthusiasts and those who wish to deter their government from becoming tyrannical, Bass Pro Shops has announced that its semi-annual 2-for-1 nuke sale will be kicking off this weekend. Every nuclear weapon in the company's arsenal will be completely free with the purchase of any other nuclear weapon.

"Running low on your supply of nukes for home defense, hunting, target practice, or overthrowing the government? Come on down!" says a salesperson in a commercial for the sale. "Whether you're looking for an intercontinental ballistic missile, a short-range tactical nuke, or even a conventional explosive projectile, we've got you covered! We've got big nukes, we've got small nukes, we've got nukes for every age and price range. Don't go to a competitor for one of those cheap knock-off nukes -- get your officially certified anti-government nuke today!"

"SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY -- DON'T MISS THIS EXPLOSIVE DEAL!"

Bass Pro Shops also has a large selection of pre-owned nukes purchased from the U.S. government, Iran, and North Korea -- available for any private citizen to come and purchase at "mind-blowing prices" this weekend only.

At publishing time, the outdoor megastore had further revealed that customers making any purchase of $50 or more this weekend will be given a "Fat Man" shoulder-mounted mini nuke launcher absolutely free. Wow!


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: babylonbee; basspro; missiles; nobackgroundcheck; nuclear; righteousboom
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1 posted on 06/24/2021 2:52:31 PM PDT by DFG
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To: DFG

Satire is the soul of political discourse. The fact that lefties are working to deplatform the Bee tells you how effective they really are.


2 posted on 06/24/2021 2:56:14 PM PDT by rarestia (Repeal the 17th Amendment and ratify Article the First to give the power back to the people!)
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To: DFG

LOL!


3 posted on 06/24/2021 2:58:34 PM PDT by Vendome (I've Gotta Be Me https://youtu.be/wH-pk2vZG2M)
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To: DFG

4 posted on 06/24/2021 2:58:45 PM PDT by dfwgator (Endut! Hoch Hech!)
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To: DFG

lmao! The Bee does it again!


5 posted on 06/24/2021 3:00:28 PM PDT by LibertyWoman (Woe to those who call evil good, and good evil... Isaiah 5:20)
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To: DFG

I’ll take a dozen.


6 posted on 06/24/2021 3:04:20 PM PDT by dainbramaged ( Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe.)
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To: DFG

Gotta love the BEE.


7 posted on 06/24/2021 3:05:53 PM PDT by Sacajaweau
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To: DFG

where am i going to put them? the F15s are taking up all the space


8 posted on 06/24/2021 3:08:31 PM PDT by joshua c (Dump the LEFT. Cable tv, Big tech, national name brands)
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To: rarestia

The left cannot handle ridicule.

That is what makes it so much fun.

They know they are weak.


9 posted on 06/24/2021 3:13:09 PM PDT by eyedigress (Trump is my President!)
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To: joshua c

I’m putting’ the “rumpus” back in the rumpus room by converting it to a munitions depot.


10 posted on 06/24/2021 3:16:37 PM PDT by Flick Lives (“Today we celebrate the first glorious anniversary of the Information Purification Directives.”)
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To: joshua c

Upgrade to one of these...

https://www.defensenews.com/smr/nuclear-arsenal/2020/06/08/f-15e-becomes-first-aircraft-certified-for-new-nuclear-bomb-design/

And see if Bass Pro has any compatible left in stock!


11 posted on 06/24/2021 3:18:16 PM PDT by mewzilla (Those aren't masks. They're muzzles. )
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To: DFG
Meanwhile...

Mailchimp Suspends Babylon Bee, Satire Site Vows to Find New Service

12 posted on 06/24/2021 3:22:38 PM PDT by mewzilla (Those aren't masks. They're muzzles. )
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To: mewzilla

“The mock weapon was released on one test at about 1,000 feet and at nearly the speed of sound,”

I hope it has a time-delay fuse!


13 posted on 06/24/2021 3:22:41 PM PDT by ProtectOurFreedom ("Pour les vaincre il faut de l'audace, encore de l'audace, toujours de l'audace")
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To: mewzilla

The Bee’s links still work so I don’t understand how if they have been suspended?


14 posted on 06/24/2021 3:24:02 PM PDT by WinstonSmith1984 (The DOJ is a far left militia.)
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To: DFG

It's cleaner.

15 posted on 06/24/2021 3:25:58 PM PDT by McGruff
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To: DFG

Hands up! Don’t Nuke!


16 posted on 06/24/2021 3:26:10 PM PDT by KC_Lion
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To: DFG

What’s their return policy?


17 posted on 06/24/2021 3:34:00 PM PDT by blueunicorn6 ("A crack shot and a good dancer”)
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To: DFG

I got there when they opened this morning. The line was already around the block.


18 posted on 06/24/2021 3:46:16 PM PDT by TigersEye (Who shot Ashli Babbitt?)
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To: DFG; ProtectOurFreedom; dainbramaged; Joshua; dfwgator; Flick Lives
My personal favorite would be the M-28 or M-29 Davy Crockett Weapon System, which was the tactical nuclear recoilless smoothbore gun for firing the M388 nuclear projectile armed with the W54 nuclear warhead that was deployed by the United States during the Cold War. It was the first and at the time was the utmost important project assigned to the United States Army Weapon Command in Rock Island, IL.[2] It was one of the smallest nuclear weapon systems ever built, with a yield of 20 tonnes of TNT (84 GJ).

Granted it was introduced 60 years ago, but it would still be an attention getter for someone who was really ticked off. However, at ranges of 1.25 and 2.5 miles respectively, you needed a good hole to hide in and probably needed to think of a plan to deal with the radiation.

. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Davy_Crockett_%28nuclear_device%29

19 posted on 06/24/2021 3:54:59 PM PDT by Retain Mike ( Sat Cong)
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To: DFG

Is that offer good at Cabelas as well ?


20 posted on 06/24/2021 3:59:33 PM PDT by A strike (Barr to Gitmo, Roberts to Florence supermax, HerrDoktor FauxiGates to TerreHaute)
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