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Biden to Have New Secret Service Team [semi-satire]
Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 3 January 2021 | John Semmens

Posted on 01/01/2021 10:17:24 PM PST by John Semmens

Concerned that the detachment of Secret Service agents currently tasked with protecting President Trump might present "loyalty issues" for the incoming Biden Administration, aides for Biden are suggesting "a new direction" be considered. "How can we trust the guys who were ready to risk their lives to save the life of Trump?" Biden spokesperson Kwang Fang asked.

One of the "new directions" being contemplated is to request a loan of officers from the Ministry of State Security of the People's Republic of China. "The Bidens have always been well regarded by the Chinese government," Kwang said. "A contingent of China's secret police would be unconflicted in their dedication to President Biden. There would be no fear of leaks that might damage his agenda like there were when Trump failed to replace holdovers from the prior Obama Administration."

"An additional benefit is the positive impact this would have on the relationship between our two countries," Kwang added. "By trusting his life to Chinese bodyguards, President Biden would prove his intention to remain on friendly terms with China. The US posture would shift from Trump's adversarial stance to a position of amity and trust under Biden. We think this 'win-win' scenario would contribute to world peace."

Meanwhile, a parallel decision to disable the "chat" function on the virtual press conferences that Biden has been holding since the election is also expected to ease China's concerns about its relationship with the United States. "In China, government's interactions with the media are tightly controlled so as to prevent troublemakers from muddling the message the government is trying to convey," Kwang pointed out. "As a result there is a unity of thought and action that far surpasses anything that has been achieved in this country. Rather than stumble along with the kind of antagonistic confrontation between the Administration and the media as Trump did for four years, we're going to get it right from the outset."

If you missed any of the other Semi-News/Semi-Satire posts you can find them at...

https://www.freedomsphoenix.com/Opinion/297205-2021-01-01-semi-news-semi-satire-january-3-2021-edition.htm


TOPICS: Government; Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: biden; china; satire; secretservice; whoopsishotacommie

1 posted on 01/01/2021 10:17:24 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: #1CTYankee; 12Gauge687; 14erClimb; 21twelve; 1raider1; 2nd Bn, 11th Mar; 3D-JOY; 43north; ...

ping


2 posted on 01/01/2021 10:18:28 PM PST by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

They’d better all be medics. He’s pretty far up there in years and ‘issues’.


3 posted on 01/01/2021 10:21:57 PM PST by Jamestown1630 ("A Republic, if you can keep it.")
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To: John Semmens

So in other words, a new department....the CCP-SST...to guard and protect Joe.


4 posted on 01/01/2021 10:23:04 PM PST by pepsionice
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To: John Semmens

Fang-Fang enroute.


5 posted on 01/01/2021 10:34:43 PM PST by BradyLS (DO NOT FEED THE BEARS!)
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To: John Semmens

Trump’s team hasn’t been trained in how to change adult diapers.


6 posted on 01/01/2021 10:47:59 PM PST by JohnBrowdie ( )
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To: John Semmens
Darn it all, John, you forgot to add some satire again!

Really, I read through the whole thing, and it was all quite plausible. Well done!

We're in for some scary next few years if this bozo makes it to the White House.

Apologies to all actual bozos.

7 posted on 01/01/2021 11:15:16 PM PST by dayglored ("Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government."`)
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To: John Semmens

Are they going to be all women, so he can skinny dip in front of them?


8 posted on 01/01/2021 11:55:34 PM PST by DannyTN
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To: John Semmens

Does the new SS team get 10%? Enquiring minds want to know. Spread some of the corrupt $$’s to the little guys.


9 posted on 01/02/2021 12:18:05 AM PST by BiglyCommentary
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To: John Semmens

What Secret Service Agent, woman or man in their right mind, would put their lives on the line to save the useless Democrat, Criminal, Corrupt Politician, China Lackey, America destroyer, Joe Biden? I dunno...maybe his wife Jill can save him!!!

But...we the American people, have nothing to fear...Biden will hardly ever leave the White House....he will be forced to resign by the Democrat Party and Radical Democrat, Kamala Harris the real America hater will be in charge!!! Sad days coming for the American Republic!!!


10 posted on 01/02/2021 12:32:33 AM PST by JLAGRAYFOX (Defeat both the Republican (e) & Democrat (e) political parties....Forever!!!)
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To: John Semmens

The Secret Service is probably having trouble finding candidates that are willing to watch over his wrinkly old ass while he swims naked.


11 posted on 01/02/2021 1:40:48 AM PST by MCSETots ( )
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To: MCSETots

He doesn’t need Secret Service protection. He has Dr. Jill at his side 24/7 for protection. In fact, I would sign up to protect him to keep Heels Up Harris from becoming president.


12 posted on 01/02/2021 4:42:42 AM PST by Russ (I )
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To: John Semmens

I would expect trannies and very young girls.


13 posted on 01/02/2021 5:54:53 AM PST by dynachrome ( “The people have spoken . . . and they must be punished.” Ed Koch)
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To: DannyTN

The problem is they are all Chinese so the security detail will not represent America. I mean where are you going to find a female, black, transgender Chinese lesbian yoldler in China? We need at least one indigenous American homosexual flower arranger. Those are hard to find in China. Pakistan May show promise with the new gender studies!


14 posted on 01/02/2021 5:54:53 AM PST by carcraft (Pray for our Country)
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To: carcraft

If Joe finds one, they are headed for a cabinet position.


15 posted on 01/02/2021 6:46:13 AM PST by DannyTN
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To: John Semmens

16 posted on 01/02/2021 6:58:56 AM PST by McGruff
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To: McGruff
Can't wait for spring at the WH...


17 posted on 01/02/2021 7:01:51 AM PST by nascarnation
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To: DannyTN

And they will all look like William Dafoe in Boondock Saints.


18 posted on 01/02/2021 7:42:29 AM PST by bleach (If I agreed with you, we would both be wrong.)
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To: John Semmens

The first all female SS detail with hair smelling privileges?


19 posted on 01/02/2021 8:27:59 AM PST by smokingfrog ( sleep with one eye open (<o> --- )
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