Times Suggests Solution to Housing Shortage [semi-satire]

Semi-News/Semi-Satire ^ | 14 July 2019 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

The growing ranks of homeless persons and the continued invasion of our country by millions of illegal immigrants have generated a severe shortage of housing across the US. The editors of the New York Times have offered an "outside-the-box" solution that "would tap into the housing surplus currently being squandered by archaic attitudes toward property rights."

The editors start off by pointing out that "as a general rule, most Americans have more house than they need. What we are suggesting is that the appropriate public policy could put this surplus to more efficient use by requisitioning this space for the accommodation of the homeless and new immigrants."

Under the Times' plan, "data to be collected by the 2020 Census will enable the government to pinpoint housing surpluses. Once determinations of where the surpluses exist is made, those in need of housing can be assigned to these residences. Persons whose home are assigned to receive new residents would also receive a federal stipend to help offset the anticipated higher expenses for utilities and food required to accommodate their new guests plus a 10% profit over costs for the home owner."

"This will be a 'win-win' outcome," the editors wrote. "Formerly homeless individuals will have a nice place to live. They won't be wandering the streets begging for handouts and forced to defecate in public. Owners of the homes receiving new residents will turn formerly wasted excess space into a modest addition to their yearly income and have the satisfaction of helping out persons less well-off than themselves. The only serious unanswered question is which of the Democratic presidential contenders has the vision to pick up this ball and run with it."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

http://www.gopbriefingroom.com/index.php/topic,368239.0.html

[Jamestown1630]

This sounds like the kind of thing AOC would suggest in all seriousness.

[dynachrome]

I'll put my sister and her husbands' 3 story farmhouse in the pool. Should be able to fit 20 or 30 parasites nice homeless in it.

[Blueflag]

Two thoughts:

1. You first.

2. Using data collected in the 2020 census. Hahaha haha. No ...

[Still Thinking]

Times Suggests Solution to Housing Shortage

At some point in his political career, Ebola was making fun of some Ebolacare-like proposal by saying that helping the uninsured by ordering them to buy insurance was like solving homelessness by ordering them to buy houses. I thought he meant that it was a bad idea, but since he rammed Ebolacare through at his earliest opportunity, I now have to assume he was comparing two desirable policies.

[Still Thinking]

Life imitating art.

[erkelly]

This sounds very soviet-like. I suspect as we become more and more overwhelmed by this invasion along our southern border, and more leftists take over our govt, the time will come when we are ordered to quarter these illegals.

[ZOOKER]

You first, Pinch.

How many square feet is your mansion, again?

[Still Thinking]

You misspelled ‘Putz’.

[dfwgator]

[beelzepug]

“...put this surplus to more efficient use by requisitioning this space for the accommodation of the homeless and new immigrants.”

Requisitioning?? You mean stealing, don’t you? How about clearing out a number of floors of the Times building for apartments for the homeless and the wetbacks? With luck the Times will be out of business, anyway.