Posted on 07/20/2018 8:33:47 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
An elderly Italian man who lived on the outskirts of Rimini, Italy went to the local church for confession.
When the priest slid open the panel in the confessional, the man said:
"Father…During World War II, a beautiful Jewish woman from our neighborhood knocked urgently on my door and asked me to hide her from the Nazis. So I hid her in my attic."
The priest replied: "That was a wonderful thing you did and you have no need to confess that."
"There is more to tell, Father. She started to repay me with sexual favors. This happened several times a week and sometimes twice on Sundays."
The priest said, "That was a long time ago and by doing what you did, you placed the two of you in great danger. But two people under those circumstances can easily succumb to the weakness of the flesh. However, if you are truly sorry for your actions, you are indeed forgiven."
"Thank you, Father. That's a great load off my mind. I do have one more question."
"And what is that?" asked the priest.
"Should I tell her the war is over?"
Dammit, boy!
The priest is aghast, his ears burning with the lurid details, and says "well, you're sorry right? As a Catholic you know that sort of thing is wrong?"
The old man says "oh no Father, not at all. I'm actually not even Catholic, I'm Jewish."
The priest responds "well, why on earth then did you come to confession?"
The old man replies "you heard me say I'm 71 years old, right? I'm telling everybody."
LOL
bkmk
Little Johnny goes into confessional one Friday afternoon.
“Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have had sexual relations outside of wedlock”.
The father ask “Was it with the widow O’Leary?”
“No, Father, I don’t want to sully the lady’s reputation”
The father asks again “Was it the young Smith lass?”
“Again, Father, I don’t feel it right to tell you her name”.
The father, one more times asks “Was it one of the Roberts girls?”
Young Johnny says “I’m sorry father, I just can’t tell you her name. What is my penance?”
The priest tells him to do two Hail Mary’s and stay at home over the weekend.
Young Johnny says sure, father, I will.
As he’s leaving the church, Billy comes up and asks what Johnny got from the confessional.
Johnny tells him “Three good leads for a fun weekend!”
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