Posted on 06/27/2018 8:30:06 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
Hat Tip: Alan Cooperman
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" Birth of an engineer
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don' t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Engineering
Two engineering students were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One student shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both have since flunked out and are now serving in the U.S. Congress.
I still have the sliderule that my chemistry teacher in HS forced us to buy in 1976! Even though many of us had calculators, and they were coming down in price a lot by then, he wanted us to learn how to use it in case we didn’t have a calculator, or the battery died.
The only thing that I use it for now is as a straight edge, or a ruler. It ought to be in a museum, next to an abacus.
Nothing special. There are several for sale on Ebay for a few bucks. Back in the drawer. :<)))))
We’ve got your statue in Milwaukee!
http://uwm.edu/mkepolonia/kosciuszko-park/
It was refurbished a couple of years ago to great fanfare!
I still have my slide rule. It is a Sun Hemmi Chemical Engineers slide rule. Paid $16 HK dollars ($2.50 in 1960)when I was in Hong Kong. Had to get permission from profs to use it on exams because the back side had temperature and pressure conversions plus atomic weights.
Many of my Intro Chemistry students today make numerous calculator errors on exams, particularly problems involving scientific notation. When all you have is a slide rule, you need to know the basic rules involving manipulation of exponents. Sometimes I am thankful for having to struggle with a slide rule, during my early college years.
I never learned how to read a slide-rule, but I am a Machinist and own several micrometers, and can still read them.
I started to say something, realized that you wrote 57-61 and thought better of it.
The oldest thing I have is my field jacket from military boot camp in 1977.
LOL...two of my best friends are engineers. Thanks for the ammo!
I’m a professional engineer and I still have that dream. It freaks me out.
“Can we NEVER get away from the trauma of school?”
Well for those of us who have been teaching for 30 years, the answer is no!
One of my professors is 95. He retired from teaching at 90 but still participates in seminars!
I was never a slide rule guy but I still have my HP48SX that I bought new in 1990. Programmable and infrared data transfer. Very cool...
Mu son wants to go the astronautical engineering route but is a fantastic artist. Actually wants to design wings and lifting surfaces.
And he has some of the most incredible line drawing abilities I have ever seen. Calligraphy is good also.
Class of 81. I still have this dream where I walk into class and they're passing out Blue Books for an exam I'm completely unprepared for. For years I would wake up in a panic.
I also have a dream that I'm back working at a job I hated when I worked there and I'm nearly naked. Who knows? But man...I HATED that job.
What’s with the t-shirts?
Each one has some incomprehensible scene on the front of them that elicits laughter from other engineers.
Finnish Hymns?
That is actually a true dream I have had several times. SCARY.
LOL! Love the old calculators. I was a Junior in High School, and there was a GIANT (at least 6-foot), working slide rule hanging from the wall in Chemistry lab. That’s where everyone learned to use them. Only - it was 1976, the fateful year that the TI30 came out, and we never had to learn! Whew!
Do you remember Royal typewriters? Well, they got into the calculator business, and I got one of those because it was cheaper. Blue/Green LCD, Four functions plus a % key. No memory, no square root. But a lot better than a slide rule!
When I got to college, I bought a “wallet” style CASIO. THIN! With several functions, base 10 and natural logs, all geometric tables, and... 32 key-stroke programmable! Just enough to put in the quadratic formula, if you were good. WOOHOO! I had ARRIVED.
Those were the days.
That is funny and has happened to me over the years. I would wake up with a start and then slowly remember that I had graduated years ago.
Good stuff, thanks for the laughs.
Not an engineer, but I have dreams like that ALL THE TIME. I was a student that usually slid by, not preparing but doing well enough to get by, A-B-C student. My dreams included sitting tests for which I wasn’t prepared all the way to just being really late for work.......I WISH they would stop.......I’ve been retired for 4 years!
A mathematician and an engineer are at the end of a long hallway, with a gameshow host.
The host tells them - behind the curtain at the other end of this hall is a wonderful prize! Here are the rules: When the whistle blows, you go half the distance to the prize, stop, count to ten, go half the remaining distance, stop, count to ten, and repeat until you get there. First one there gets the prize.
The host waves his arm, the curtain parts, and a BEAUTIFUL Victoria’s Secret Model is revealed. The whistle blows, and the mathematician just starts shaking his head. The engineer immediately starts running.
The host asks the mathematician, “Why aren’t you moving?” He says, “It’s an infinite series. I can approach, but I’ll never get there!”
The host calls after the engineer, “Why are you running? You’ll never get there!” He yells back, “I can get close enough!”
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