Posted on 06/27/2018 8:30:06 AM PDT by Oldpuppymax
Hat Tip: Alan Cooperman
Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" Birth of an engineer
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."
Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the greens-keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greens-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime!."
The group fell silent for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons.
Civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don' t fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Engineering
Two engineering students were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole, but we don't have a ladder.
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One student shook his head and laughed, "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both have since flunked out and are now serving in the U.S. Congress.
How can you spot an extroverted engineer?
He looks at the other person’s shoes.
Size matters. Back in the old days, when I was a college freshman, you could always spot an engineer by the size of their....slide rule.
LOL
I am an engineer, and I resemble that!
My Father was in the 208th Engineer Combat Battalion. Their CO was Lt. Col. Leslie O. Scott.
A guy here on FR sent me an email with their entire official history in WWII.
Reading some of the instructions Col. Scott gave his officers it was clear that he was a true engineer. Not just some guy who had worked in construction.
I also noticed in Gen. Schwartzkopf’s biography that the highest ranking grads of West Point get their choice of assignments. He said they usually choose the Engineers, tho he chose infantry.
That’s my personal favorite engineer joke. The ones in the OP are also good.
Don’t even try.
You are only a Z away. I believe the "Twin Bridges" over The I-87 Northway near Albany, NY crossing The Mohawk River (Erie Canal) were also designed by this person.
hehe. I have had dreams like this. Like (for some reason) I am back in college and I know I am late for class but cant recall where the class is, or I missed the last several weeks or cant find my class schedule...Doctor, what does it all mean? :)
Variant (Americanized) spelling. Is the basis of my FReeper name, since I am of Polish decent and an engineer.
I do have this dream occasionally. Going to my final exam, but never having attended the class! I’m a retired civil engineer!
This is way too true. I’ve had that dream often, probably at least once in the last year.
My kid just graduated as an astronautical engineer from a small private engineering university, a total geek school.
These guys all quivered and shook when they had to take a fine arts class.
It was pretty funny.
I am an engineer, and I resemble that!.
++++++++++++++
Just for the record I’m an engineer too. UCLA. Best decision I ever made.
Lots of engineers and scientists here on Good Old FR.
I literally have my slide rule from high school 57-61 in the drawer next to my left hand. And now that you mentioned it I wonder if I should start a thread about who has the oldest physical whatever still with them. My slide rule might be up there??? Just wunderin’.
Mine seem to come far more often than that. For me, almost weekly, I have the same type of dream ...
See, after I graduated high school, I attended the Naval Academy for two years, leaving after a nervous breakdown and several months in Bethesda.
My dreams center around being told, 45 years later, that I have to go back to Annapolis and finish off my last two years ... one of these nights, I'm going to have a heart attack while taking the PT test in my dreams ...
How come civil engineers aren’t?
I have had all the dream comments from this post.
What is going on.
In one I am trying to get into a class with the seating going up sides from the floor. I have no idea what the class subject is but I know I need the course to graduate.
Egad.
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