Posted on 01/10/2017 9:08:44 PM PST by CharlesOConnell
Milo Milburn, letting go of grudges. Weds Jan 11 at 8 PM Eastern EWTN Live Streaming PLAYER Click Here
Photo, License Frame: 'Grudges Don't Hurt Them'
"It happened 60 years ago. She's been dead for 10 years. She's not coming back. Get over it."
My Aunt Mary held a grudge against my Mom, Betty.
Mary blamed Betty due to her belief Betty had caused their parents to split up for a few months.
Mary was in a faction in her own mind, with one parent in her mind against another.
IT HAPPENED IN 1932!
Betty died in 1989. Mary was holding it against Betty in her heart in 1999. She probably thought about her grudge obsessively.
EWTN Live, Wednesday, January 11, 2017, Professor Milo Milburn reveals new research that shows how letting go of grudges helps people obtain both better mental and physical health. Hosted by Fr. Mitch Pacwa.
Wednesday, January 11 at 5:00 pm | |
Wednesday, January 11 at 10:00 pm | |
Sunday, January 15 at 1:00 am |
True.
However I hold grudges! I have known people who have ticked me off. I hope they run into some trouble!
How about a grudge for a stroke caused by a senile NYC doctor’s contraindicated scripts?
11 years ago. Which was the reason I fell down a flight of cement stairs 9 years ago and got a moderately severe head injury.
How about the NY Medical board finding him guilty of no wrongdoing.
How about no lawyer touching it BECAUSE the medical board found him not guilty.
I thought about him EVERY DAY for 8 YEARS! Even emailed him to tell him he ruined my life. Many times.
Then I just let it go. #### it. It didn’t do any good all those years.
He was finally forced to retire at middle of 2016 after almost killing a patient with....contraindicated scripts.
I demonstrate this in group presentations.
First I have a person imagine the face of someone they have unresolved conflict with on an object I am holding in my hand such as a water glass. I ask them to feel the emotion of the anger or disgust.
Then I ask them to close their eyes and continue imagining the face of the person on the object.
Next I merely move the object to the side or toward them. Even though I am 10+ feet away from them their physical bodies move in what ever direction I move the object they are focusing upon.
I am showing how their anger is attaching them to the object I am holding and how that anger is allowing the object to control them.
The same is true when we are angry with an individual. We are attaching ourselves to them and giving them control over us.
Forgiveness sets us free.
This is why Jesus instructed us to resolve conflict with our brothers before we come to worship.
If we have attached ourselves to someone else, we are not free to attach to Jesus. If you have someone else on your mind it is difficult to even think of Jesus.
“The Best Revenge is Living Well”
Yes, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z5KIJcbejhk , but https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WDNyLL9SUts .
I’m just saying . . .
Often the anger is that strong it knocks the person off their feet when I move the object.
I think she could have handled me being guilty but my being innocent blew her circuits.
Should she ever regain her sanity then we might resume contact but I will never trust her.
That is not holding a grudge, that is just common sense.
The Best Revenge is cutting them out of your Living Will.
Suggestions anyone?
I have found Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker, to be very helpful, as well as convicting. Peacemaker’s Ministries and Ambassadors of Reconciliation are both ministries that offer training in dealing with conflict biblically. I’m going for advanced training from AOR later this month since I have been appointed to be a district reconciler in the LCMS.
Who knew? We have the same SIL!
I have found Ken Sande’s book, The Peacemaker, to be very helpful, as well as convicting. Peacemaker’s Ministries and Ambassadors of Reconciliation are both ministries that offer training in dealing with conflict biblically. I’m going for advanced training from AOR later this month since I have been appointed to be a district reconciler in the LCMS.
Honestly I don't know what to do anymore other then cut ties. I can't apologize for a misdeed I didn't do.
Suggestions on how to forgive.
First, Prayer... and keep on praying.
Seriously, when forgiveness is too big of a bit to swallow, I recommend that it be divided into smaller bites.
1. Gain understanding about the person who harmed you. Their childhood, their life circumstances....
2. With the increased understanding, have compassion for the person. You know that inside their soul is wounded and they are in pain, oe will be.
3. Now forgive them, and yourself at the same time.
Once I was very angry at m ex wife. I was driving a long distance at night just after having a conversation with her. I remember praying and asking God, “Why can’t I forgive her for all these things she has done?” His voice asked, “Would you like to forgive yourself too?” I answered “YES.” and cried for the next hour of driving. To this day I can’t even remember the things she had done that upset me so much.
Couple of points...
Conditional forgiveness is no forgiveness.
Requiring an action/admission by the person who wronged you does not help the process.
You must own your emotion in order to change/heal it. If you don’t own it, it owns you.
Denial or intellectualization is not healing.
At some point we must ask ourselves, “What is the lesson I am to learn to help my soul grow that God allowed/guided me into this situation?
The last point is that “We usually dislike in others that which we most dislike in ourselves.” Are we really mad at ourselves and projecting it upon someone else?
Hope this helps.... and remember, PRAYER WORKS.
Another thing that helps, especially when it is difficult to LOVE our enemies, is to remember that all souls are created by God and they have the purity of His essence at their core. That goodness is always there.
However, certain human behaviors open us/them up for outside evil influence. This is real. There is evil in this world. But always remember, God is in charge and you will not be tested beyond your strength..(Your strength if you turn to God and ask for help.) In life, your true strength comes through your weakness as if you are full of yourself you have no room for God to work through you.
Always LOVE the child no matter what they do, but dislike their behavior. With my children I helped them to realize that they are not their behavior. However, their behavior is a symptom of what they are feeling at that moment. We must discipline our children out of LOVE for them, not anger as that is the same way Our Father disciplines us.
In years past, I have done spirit/demonic depossession work. The person’s personality changed instantly when the entity left. The purity you see in a young child’s eyes returned to them. However, it is always important to heal the wound that opened the door to evil entering. That is why forgiveness of self is critically important...
Remember how Jesus taught us to pray... Father, Forgive us as we forgive those who have sinned against us.... Receiving forgiveness is conditional upon us giving forgiveness. A closed heart is closed in all directions.
The Our Father ? How can I be forgiven if I can’t forgive ?
Whoever is renting space in your head, pray for them everyday on your knees for 2 weeks, wanting for them what you want for yourself.
Since that ain’t going to happen....yet
The prayer could start out by asking for them to be hit by a bus.
Keep at it. You wont even make it to two weeks. Your heart will be unhardened.
I have a couple or so grudges and I’m healthy as an Ox.
It looks as if Aunt Mary lived a long life. Perhaps holding a grudge is good for your health.
Just because you live a long life doesn’t mean you lived a good life.
God could have left her alive for Grace, giving her the opportunity to repent. But I doubt with that kind of anger that she had a good life.
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