Suggestions on how to forgive.
First, Prayer... and keep on praying.
Seriously, when forgiveness is too big of a bit to swallow, I recommend that it be divided into smaller bites.
1. Gain understanding about the person who harmed you. Their childhood, their life circumstances....
2. With the increased understanding, have compassion for the person. You know that inside their soul is wounded and they are in pain, oe will be.
3. Now forgive them, and yourself at the same time.
Once I was very angry at m ex wife. I was driving a long distance at night just after having a conversation with her. I remember praying and asking God, “Why can’t I forgive her for all these things she has done?” His voice asked, “Would you like to forgive yourself too?” I answered “YES.” and cried for the next hour of driving. To this day I can’t even remember the things she had done that upset me so much.
Couple of points...
Conditional forgiveness is no forgiveness.
Requiring an action/admission by the person who wronged you does not help the process.
You must own your emotion in order to change/heal it. If you don’t own it, it owns you.
Denial or intellectualization is not healing.
At some point we must ask ourselves, “What is the lesson I am to learn to help my soul grow that God allowed/guided me into this situation?
The last point is that “We usually dislike in others that which we most dislike in ourselves.” Are we really mad at ourselves and projecting it upon someone else?
Hope this helps.... and remember, PRAYER WORKS.