Holiday Surveillance Shows Need for More Executive Action [semi-satire]

Despite urging from a variety of left-wing luminaries, discussions in most households over the Thanksgiving holiday did not pan out as hoped. Early summations of conversations picked up from eavesdropping by "smart TVs" revealed that the vast majority leaned toward right-wing views.

"The President asked Americans to talk about gun control," Press Secretary Josh Earnest said. "They did, but the gist of the sentiment was that more people wanted to arm themselves. Likewise, conversations about immigration evinced a preference for less of it. And practically no one seemed concerned about global climate change. Obviously, American opinion is not where it should be at this stage of the President's term."

"Given the short time left until he leaves office, the President's only recourse is to step up the pace of executive action if we want to make progress on his key priorities," Earnest surmised. "As Commander-in-Chief of the United States, he believes he has the legal authority to order the confiscation of unneeded firearms, to grant the admission of as many immigrants as he deems warranted, and to institute whatever climate control regulations that may be required."

Support for autocratic presidential action was rapidly vocalized by a cadre of 24 Senate Democrats led by Sen. Richard Blumenthal (Conn). "There is no hope of obtaining Congressional approval of legislation to restrict citizens' access to firearms," Blumenthal lamented. "Our more cowardly colleagues cite the Second Amendment and the wrath of voters in their home states as excuses for their inaction on this sorely needed regulation."

Blumenthal urged the President "to save the nation from the impasse of misguided allegiance to an out-dated document and then ignorant prejudices of too many voters. Off-the-record, a clear majority of Congress is with us on the merits. If you could take the heat for overriding these obstacles you would be acting in the best interests of those who have dedicated their careers to governing this nation."

if you missed any of this week's other semi-news/semi-satire posts you can find them at...

> ...Early summations of conversations picked up from eavesdropping by "smart TVs" revealed that the vast majority leaned toward right-wing views...

... The Voice came from an oblong metal plaque like a dulled mirror which formed part of the surface of the right-hand wall. Winston turned a switch and the voice sank somewhat, though the words were still distinguishable. The instrument (the telescreen, it was called) could be dimmed, but there was no way of shutting it off completely...

Outside... it was the Police Patrol, snooping into people's windows. The patrols did not matter, however. Only the Thought Police mattered.

Behind Winston's back the voice from the telescreen was still babbling away about pig iron and the overfulfillment of the Ninth Three-Year Plan. The telescreen received and transmitted simultaneously. Any sound that Winston made, above the level of a very low whisper, would be picked up by it; moreover, so long as he remained within the field of vision which the metal plate commanded, he could be seen as well as heard.

There was of course no way of knowing whether you were being watched at any given moment. How often, or on what system, the Thought Police plugged in on any individual wire was guesswork. It was even conceivable that they watched everybody all the time. But at any rate they could plug in your wire whenever they wanted to.

You have to live - did live, from habit that became instinct - in the assumption that every sound you made was overheard, and, except in darkness, every movement scrutinized.

-- Orwell, 1984, Chapter 1

Another good one, John.

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