Turkey Day (Turkey jokes and stories about your Turkey cooking disasters and triumphs)

11/27/14 | Kartographer

[Kartographer]

Up early just put the turkey in the over well basted with Sam Adams Winter Lager (The turkey is well basted not me!) So I thought I start a fun thread for bad turkey jokes and fun stories about your turkey cooking disasters and triumphs.

To start things off:

"Why did the turkey cross the road?"

"Because it was the chickens day off!"

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Happy Thanksgiving - thanks for a fun thread

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Great advice!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

That made me laugh!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

That video makes me not feel so sorry for turkeys!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

How sweet of you!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Your very own “Christmas Story” scene!

[MIchaelTArchangel]

My mother swore “No more dogs!” after my dad’s German Shepherd jumped up on the table, snatched a roast she had planned on cooking for a fancy dinner and ran outside to devour it.

My mother got her way after that dog died. She got an adult cat from one of her do-gooder friends. As was my mother’s custom, she put frozen turkey into a roasting pan on the kitchen table to thaw out the night before Thanksgiving. She awoke in the morning to find the fat cat was on top of the turkey eating it raw. To make matters worse, the cat decided the turkey was his and set up a defense of the bird and the roasting pan.

I had to drive to the store to pick up two medium birds to replace the large one. I had the foresight to pick up a stack of disposable, aluminum roasting pans because I knew the cat would not allow anyone to take the fancy enameled roasting pan since that would require moving the turkey.

My mother prepared the two smaller turkeys for our family and guests. She tried to keep everyone out of the kitchen because she didn’t want anyone to know the cat had established a defense perimeter on the kitchen table and would hassle anyone getting to close to his turkey.

After that Thanksgiving the cat was restricted to a closet from the night before until the morning after Thanksgiving.

[Kartographer]

It’s been a GREAT Thread! Thanks to all who shared your stories!

[Tired of Taxes]

This is not a funny story I'm about to share, but it was a Thanksgiving disaster: When my then-husband and I were young and living in a major city, we invited friends over to our little attic apartment for Thanksgiving one year. He took care of the turkey and stuffing, while I made the sides. That year I made a very tasty sweet potato dish.

The food turned out fine. But, while sitting in the living room, the guests heard gunfire outside. Yes, I'm serious - our street that day turned into a homicide crime scene. The police blocked off the street with yellow tape, and no one was allowed to leave. I had to call other friends who were running late and warn them not to come. Our guests spent the remainder of their Thanksgiving Day in our tiny living room debating how many shots were fired.

Needless to say, I am so thankful that we moved away from there, and my children never knew that environment. May God bless you all, and have a safe and happy Thanksgiving today.

[niteowl77]

The Bumpus' dogs at least had the decency to run out of the Parker's kitchen. Our canine lunatic fought my dad long and hard, and we all believed that he would have killed every one of us to get that turkey carcass back… that is, if he physically could have done so. As dogs go, he was a poor sport about such things.

Thirty-odd years later, my dad still defends the memory of that poodle (dad is an inveterate infracaninophile), while the rest of us just roll our eyes and laugh... and remind him of the "turkey incident."

Mr. niteowl77

[CatherineofAragon]

"Many years ago when husband was stationed at NAS Memphis, I had a turkey in the fridge, defrosting. My husband came home really drunk in the wee hours and knew I’d be very mad at him. So the next morning I wake up and the turkey is cooked! I had a huge metal roaster, I open it up, cooked turkey. Also, floating in the broth were onions. Whole, unpeeled onions. Unpeeled potatoes. Lunch meat. Carrots, tops and all. He’d added flour, sugar. SUGAR!! Everything he could find in the kitchen, he added to Mr. Turkey.

It was so very funny, I had to laugh. and laugh. and laugh. And you know what? It tasted good!"

LOL!!

The floating lunchmeat is what gets me! But you have to give him credit, right? His heart was in the right place, and he definitely put forth some effort.

I don't recall any particular Thanksgiving disasters or triumphs. But I do remember the most fun one I've had. It was about ten years ago, as my sister-in-law and her husband were in the middle of moving into their beautiful new home.

Boxes were still everywhere and half-unpacked, but she wanted to cook the dinner, even though it took her a while to figure out the new oven. I helped her, and I brought some of my own cutlery, pots, pans, etc., because she couldn't find hers. We ended up eating off paper plates, and we had a great time.

[GreenHornet]

WKRP in Cincinnati episode about Thanksgiving day station promotion. Threw Turkeys out from a helicopter several hundred feet up.

One of the most memorable lines in television history: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly."

[Shimmer1]

It was Cajun roast beef lunchmeat too.

Sometimes the craziest memories are the best.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Like some others, my first experience cooking a turkey was ok, but I did, indeed, leave the packet of "innards" inside the bird. Now I wonder how I could have possibly done that since I cleaned it before cooking.... but it all cooked and was ok.

This year we are doing a beef tenderloin -

[Kartographer]

"They're turkeys! Oh no! Johnny can you get this? Oh, they're crashing to the earth right in front of our eyes! One just went through the windshield of a parked car! This is terrible! Everyone's running around pushing each other. Oh my goodness! Oh, the humanity!"

[CatherineofAragon]

Cajun roast beef? That’s as good or better than turkey, LOL.

[Qiviut]

Just came out of the oven .... smells delicious, looks outstanding(golden crushed Saltine crust on the top) .... he’ll likely eat one spoonful (appetite about gone), but if I get one smile, it will be worth it! :-)

[catfish1957]

I can remember my first Turkey Day Dog House night, when I alluded to my spouses first Thanksgiving Turkey as “Turkey Jerky”.

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

Absolutely! I hope he enjoyed it!

[WhyisaTexasgirlinPA]

I don’t know why anyone roasts the turkey on a rack - I put mine in a deep roaster and pour in chicken broth with the onions/celery, etc for seasoning. Turns out moist! I bake whole chickens the same way