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And now, a message from our Queen.
Michelle Obama's Mirror ^ | 8-19-2014 | MOTUS

Posted on 08/19/2014 5:10:41 AM PDT by NOBO2012

Have you seen the news about QE II? No, not the Fed’s Quantum Easing I, II, and III; I’m talking about Queen Elizabeth II…our new Queen.

The latest version of her edict comes to us via Michael Yon:

A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN

To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

god-save-the-queen_thumb1

In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy) [sorry JLHan, Bakken Wag and UpNorthLurkin, butt you know how those Brits are]. Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. [so that part’s no different]

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. [or care]

To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. [not to quibble with the Queen, butt technically we have no borders anymore] You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.

13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).

15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season. [Note: tea trolley rules are waived for MOTUS’ posse, and may be stocked with more, um, adult accoutrements. Also, it may be open prior to 4 p.m. on special occasions, should you think of one.]

I knew it! I just knew that protocol breach of Lady M’s at Buckingham Palace was going to come back to bite us:

grasping-the-queen_thumb2

That, combined with Barry’s own little faux pas of talking (and talking…) over the playing of the British National Anthem while delivering his toast to the Queen, probably sealed our fate.

toasting_thumb7

I just knew we were all going to have to pay for those egregious errours.

Oh, and one more thing: I just received a tracking number from UPS International; it seems her Majesty is sending the bust of Winston Churchill back to be reinstalled in the White House which will henceforth be known as “the Queen’s summer residence on the Potomac.”

1995_white_house God Save the Queen!

And if we can get rid of Obamacare, do you really care which Queen’s in residence?

 

Posted from: Michelle Obama’s Mirror 


TOPICS: Humor; Politics
KEYWORDS: churchill; obama; obamacare; queenelizabeth

1 posted on 08/19/2014 5:10:41 AM PDT by NOBO2012
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To: NOBO2012

I have never seen that picture before. Did MO actually TOUCH the queen?

That is a NO NO... Heck you don’t even speak to the queen unless she speaks TO you first.

Or, has protocol relaxed SO much now?


2 posted on 08/19/2014 5:19:21 AM PDT by SMARTY ("When you blame others, you give up your power to change." Robert Anthony)
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To: NOBO2012

From the title, I thought obama had come out...


3 posted on 08/19/2014 5:20:35 AM PDT by null and void (If Bill Clinton was the first black president, why isn't Barack Obama the first woman president?)
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To: SMARTY
Or, has protocol relaxed SO much now?

Only for barbarians.

4 posted on 08/19/2014 5:21:41 AM PDT by null and void (If Bill Clinton was the first black president, why isn't Barack Obama the first woman president?)
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To: NOBO2012

Her Majesty probably took a show promptly after this dinner.

Yuck.


5 posted on 08/19/2014 6:02:37 AM PDT by Vermont Lt (If you want to keep your dignity, you can keep it. Period........ Just kidding, you can't keep it.)
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To: SMARTY

Barry slapped the Queen on the back once too...

just ol chums ya know...

equals as leaders of their countries what...

Barry only curtsies to men...


6 posted on 08/19/2014 6:03:40 AM PDT by Tennessee Nana
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To: NOBO2012

so, does she propose to send us CHARLES?

No thanks


7 posted on 08/19/2014 6:17:56 AM PDT by silverleaf (Age takes a toll: Please have exact change)
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To: NOBO2012

You should talk, Lady. Your country is being taken over by jihadis. Your military is a shadow of what it used to be. And your son is the template for an upper class twit.


8 posted on 08/19/2014 6:22:06 AM PDT by reg45 (Barack 0bama: Implementing class warfare by having no class.)
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To: NOBO2012

Near Frozen Gnats Urine. LOL!!!


9 posted on 08/19/2014 6:30:51 AM PDT by samiam1972 ("It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you may live as you wish."-Mother Teresa)
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To: NOBO2012

This meme is at least ten years old.


10 posted on 08/19/2014 6:40:56 AM PDT by sinsofsolarempirefan
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To: reg45; All
while your @ it; please throw (the Mare) Camilla and Royal Twit Charles two more
bales of oats/rye in they're Royal Paddock. Chop.. Chop..Thank You.

11 posted on 08/19/2014 6:47:20 AM PDT by skinkinthegrass (The end move in politics is always to pick up a weapon...eh? "Bathhouse" 0'Mullah? d8-)
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To: NOBO2012

As long as HRH brings Pippa, I’m good with it.


12 posted on 08/19/2014 7:05:36 AM PDT by red-dawg (<<< click for info on my book.)
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To: SMARTY

She did manhandle Elizabeth, yes.

And ignorance can’t be used as an excuse. Everyone who sees the Queen is counseled about proper protocol. The Moose did it deliberately, to show her contempt for that old colonial white lady.


13 posted on 08/19/2014 7:17:17 AM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: CatherineofAragon

“Everyone who sees the Queen is counseled about proper protocol.”

Right- I remember reading something like that, too. Why would MO be so forward and familiar when it is specifically discouraged?

Ignorant, I guess.


14 posted on 08/19/2014 7:22:00 AM PDT by SMARTY ("When you blame others, you give up your power to change." Robert Anthony)
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To: SMARTY

Did you read the rest of my post? It wasn’t ignorance. How could it have been when she knew better?


15 posted on 08/19/2014 7:25:04 AM PDT by CatherineofAragon ((Support Christian white males---the architects of the jewel known as Western Civilization).)
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To: sinsofsolarempirefan
"This meme is at least ten years old."

Does that mean that it predated such sophisticated, 'trendy' terms as "meme", "bespoke" and "absolutely"?

/s

16 posted on 08/19/2014 7:36:59 AM PDT by BwanaNdege ( "Our Emperor may have no clothes, but doesn't he have a wonderful tan" - MSM)
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To: BwanaNdege

Actually, “/s” should have been

“/snarkiness”


17 posted on 08/19/2014 7:38:33 AM PDT by BwanaNdege ( "Our Emperor may have no clothes, but doesn't he have a wonderful tan" - MSM)
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To: NOBO2012

Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.
To late Obama has beat her to it Val chuckles.


18 posted on 08/19/2014 8:57:57 AM PDT by Vaduz
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