Posted on 07/31/2013 1:33:46 PM PDT by InHisService
After living in Ohio for almost nine months, I decided to finally get around to changing my PA driver’s license, registration and plates changed over to Ohio.
I pretty much just thought I’d walk into the BMV – that’s what it’s called here – Bureau of Motor Vehicles – and get it all done on the spot. This was not to be. A friend who I was complaining to about this process said all of that changed after 9/11.
This is why, when you move out of state, (and I strongly do not recommend it) you need to give up your car and driver’s license, because it is the only answer to saving your sanity. I wrongly decided to keep my license and car, and this is my sordid story.
Day One: I called the BMV. I explained what I needed to do, and was told I better have a pen and a large notebook to write everything down.
“Really,” I said, “I was just calling to find out how much it would be, I didn’t think I needed an instruction manual to do this.”
The employee began to rattle off all the stuff I would need to do, faster than I could write it down. I scribble incomprehensible notes on large pieces of paper.
“You’ll need your current driver’s license, a Birth Certificate with a raised seal, your Social Security Card, a utility bill that is proof of your Ohio residency, and if you were ever married we need your marriage license or divorce papers to prove the name change, if your name is not the same as your birth name. Also, if there’s a lien holder on your car, we’ll need that information. There’s a form we have you need to fill out and send it to the lien holder so we can change your Title to Ohio.
“We will also need to know the city of the Kindergarten you attended, as well as your third grade teacher’s name, and if she was married or single, and we’ll need a copy of her teaching degree. We’ll need a list of all the enemies you had in Junior High School and what you ate for lunch on August 4th, 1979. If you have any children we’ll need to know their blood type and proof of their vaccinations.”
“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said, “I have a current valid drivers license, why do you need all that?”
“Because we want to break your balls as much as we can, and drive you to the brink of insanity, so you will learn you should never, ever, move out of state. Also, we want the State of Ohio to make a profit from your misery. Any other questions?”
“Umm…no, not right now.”
It was also my understanding from our conversation that I’d be able to get a temporary registration for my vehicle, which was expiring in two days, while I got all this stuff done.
Day Two: I go to the BMV. You have to take a number when you walk in. I was number 70, and they were calling out numbers in the 50s. Then someone made an announcement that if you were here for a registration renewal only you could come up to the front in numerical order. She called out numbers, so I didn’t move when my number was called.
Then I’m thinking, “Is someone else going to call out my number?” I daydreamed about all the things I could be doing rather than sitting in this dreary office with its hard, wooden chairs, uptight looking people, and little paper numbers.
After a while my number was called. I went up to the employee, who looked to be about 90 years old and explained what I needed to do.
“Did you get a booklet?” she asked.
“No,” I replied, “I just called yesterday, I didn’t come in. But I took a lot of notes. Maybe I don’t need a booklet.”
“Oh yes, you do.”
She handed me a six-inch thick manual and I thought once again, you need an entire instruction manual to do this? What is going on here?
She then rattled off all the things I needed to do.
“Hold on,” I said. “Can you write all this down?”
She advised me that the first thing I had to do was get the driver’s license. I couldn’t get any of the other stuff done without getting that first. I had no idea that the Title to my car was another issue; it had to be changed over to Ohio.
She started writing things in the booklet and told me I needed a Numi- something printout from Social Security to prove I had a SS Card, since I couldn’t find mine.
Having gone to the Social Security office the week before, I discovered they close most days at 3 p.m., which is usually when I’m first getting out the door to get things done. Not being a morning person presents certain problems. So I’d have to get up early one day for that.
She gave me a form and explained it had to be filled out, faxed to the lien holder of my car, (which I first of course had to get their fax number, yet another phone call to make) and then they were at some point going to fax the Title of my car over to the Clerk in Steubenville. In about one week from the time I faxed it, I was to call the number on the form to see if they had received it. I wasn’t sure I got all of that and she repeated the whole thing again.
“I don’t have a fax machine.”
“You can go to Kroger, they have one there.”
Another trip. More money. More aggravation.
“How can I get a temporary registration? It’s expiring tomorrow.”
“You can’t. You have to have the Title changed over first. But you can’t do that until you have an Ohio license.” My head was spinning.
“But yesterday I was told…” my voice drifted off. It was pointless. I wasn’t getting a temporary registration. I’d be driving illegally for at least seven years while I attempted to get all this shit done. I probably had some kind of unpaid fine out there for something, which meant there was probably an arrest warrant out for me…
I’d get pulled over, thrown in jail, and I have no family around or friends who could afford to bail me out. So this is what it would come to. However, jail – with its big ugly lesbians beating me up and disgusting food that was unrecognizable – was sounding pretty good right now. Certainly better than having to deal with all this.
Yep, I could avoid this whole process. All I’d have to do was speed on Route 7 through Steubenville and I’d be pulled over within minutes. But who would take care of my cats? I had to go through with this – for the sake of my babies.
Printouts, fax numbers, Titles, Birth Certificates with raised seals, Lien Holders…are they kidding me? What happened to, “Here’s my PA license, I want to change it to Ohio, and get Ohio plates, here’s my money.”
No, nothing is ever that easy anymore. It’s no wonder people are driven to the brink of insanity by being forced into becoming harried, inexperienced and unpaid secretaries and clerks to take care of their own business. Are there support groups for this? There should be!!
I left the BMV with my heavily notated booklet and a sticky with a phone number, which may or may not lead to the elusive Birth Certificate with its coveted Seal of Approval. After arriving home and taking a handful of Xanax and a few shots of whiskey, I then unsuccessfully attempted to hang myself from my ceiling fan.
I then proceeded to make my first phone call to the Hempstead, New York, phone number, which would hopefully provide me with my Seal of Approval.
Ring, ring, ring. It rang like 20 times, and then went into a busy signal. It was around 4:30 so maybe they close early. I tried again, same result. Not even an automated voice. I would have welcomed it at that point.
I looked at the booklet with all the notes, plus the page full of notes I’d taken the day before and really started to consider moving back to PA just to avoid all of this. Surely, packing up and moving and paying $500 a more in rent per month would be more cost effective and less psychologically damaging than this bullshit? I considered this for a while and downed a few more shots of whiskey.
Then I made a phone call not on the list.
“Suicide Hotline, how can we assist you today?”
“Hi, I’m trying to change my license and plates and Title and registration and everything over to Ohio from Pennsylvania and – “
“Hold on dear, we have a special division for that.”
The phone rang and someone immediately answered. Why can’t people always answer phones like this? You have to call a Suicide Hotline to get a real person to answer the phone?
“Suicide Hotline, Driver’s Licenses, Titles, Lien Holders, Plates, Fax Numbers, Phone Numbers, Phone Calls and Birth Certificates with Raised Seals Division, how may I help you?”
I poured my heart out to the nice young man. He knew all about my struggles.
“Oh yes,” he told me, “We get thousands of calls a week just like yours. You’re not alone.”
I cried and yelled and took out all my frustration on this kind person. He knew just what to say, and just how to soothe me. He assured me it really wasn’t necessary to kill myself; just to take it one step at a time, one day at a time, and one phone call and fax and piece of paper and trip to various locations at a time.
That crisis averted, I decided it was too late in the day to continue with this and gave it up for the night. Exhausted and mentally wrung out, I went to bed and slept for 22 hours.
Day Three: I arose early; for me, anyway, 10:30 a.m. in my book is early. I had run out of coffee, and money, but thankfully still had these coffee singles a friend made me buy when we went shopping together. Thank you, dear Pam. Waking up without any coffee in my state of mind with what I needed to accomplish would have been a direct ticket to a padded cell. After gulping two cups down, I got on the phone.
I called the Town Clerk in Hempstead, NY, again. First it rang 10 times, then the wonderful automated voice came on: “If you know your extension, dial it at anytime.”
I did not know the extension. Press this, press that, press this for that, and on and on it went. I let out a great big sigh and strung out a slew of foul words, but remembered my advisors advice: take a deep breath, and think positive, soothing thoughts. I then flung my phone out the window, hitting the mailman.
I had a backup, emergency cell phone and called again. This time, amazingly, after 25 or so rings, an actual person answered.
I explained about needing a raised seal birth certificate. She quickly gave me a number, and an extension to call. I thanked her and immediately got on my knees and offered praise to God, along with sacrificing a goat, for this small but useful lead.
I called the number and it rang 30 times before the automaton picked up. I left a message.
Next, I tried to call my buddy Doug, a branch manager in Elizabeth, Pennsylvania, where I had taken out a personal loan, secured against my car. Doug and I get along famously, he’s a great guy and it’s always a pleasure to see him or talk to him. He would know – or could find me – the fax number I would need to fax this stupid form to get the Title change going. Of course, he wasn’t in yet, so I left a message on his voicemail.
“Doug, where the hell are you? Don’t you know I moved to Ohio? I need you to tell me phone numbers of places. Please call me back ASAP, it’s an emergency!”
Five hours and some seven phone calls later, Doug, nor anyone else, has called me back.
To be continued…
Yes, it was obvious from the context/content that I was making the whole thing up. /sarc
No, no one accused me of writing fantasy. They called me a LIAR. Do you know the difference?
Don’t move. If you do, get rid of your car!
Security only applies to you & me, not to Obama. That is the real story. Peons get put through the ringer, while Obama flaunts any & every rule & law that suits his fancy.
When you come to Maryland, DO NOT go to the MVA.
Go to one of the tag and Title places and pay the extra money to have it done there.
Take cash, for you have to pay the 5% tax on what the car is worth. Yeah I know you paid that when you bought it, well , you have to pay it again. The tags are for 2 years and it isn’t cheap.
A trip to MVA is at least a two hr. wait so if you go take your lunch. You will probably have to make two or more trips to MVA. and if the phone rings for one of them be prepared for another hour while they talk to their girlfriend on the phone.
You got that right. We brought birth certificates, marriage license, passports, utility bills (proving address), tax records, proof of insurance, drivers licenses, etc. It was worse for my wife who is a naturalized citizen. She had to show every document tracing name change, naturalization, etc. You would think that Florida would be aware that hispanics use father's and mother's surnames, right? Wrong.
My son and I needed copies of our Social Security cards. About 3 hours waiting at the SS office to find out that a passport was not proof of who we were--"They're expired!"--"Yes, but we're not!"
After 4 visits we finally got license plates, DLs and registrations. However, the taxes were miscalculated and one of the DLs had the wrong name--reissued. As the writer suggested, you're probably better off claiming you're an illegal alien.
But show up to vote.
Therein lies the difference. 24 or so years ago I switched from NY to DE - not a problem. 10 years ago, switching from DE to VA - major hassle.
I’ve been viewing the comments and I pray you aren’t headed for the ceiling fan. btw ... the rope will tangle if the fan is on. Oops, forget that last sentence. I truly want to help. I have a manual for these types of situations. I do have to find my manual first though. Could I get back to you in about six weeks? I understand it is government under obamacare.
Unfortunately, while the part about the third grade teacher is satire, the rest is right on target. I have to admit getting my car registered in Southlake, TX was a lovely experience. Quaint building and kind people. Getting my passport was a whole other story, snotty people that really didn’t want to be bothered doing the paperwork so they told me I needed a new birth certificate. Mine met all the requirements listed on the government web site, which I had a copy of, but they still refused it raised seal, mother and father’s complete names and all. Tough to be at the mercy of government employees.
Yeah, I think I know the difference. Do you know what “humor” is? “Wit?” Obviously I’m doing it wrong....
Could just refer them to the NSA .... they’ve got all the info on everybody.
Isn’t it wonderful living in the Land of the Free?
I saw no humor in being called a liar. To this day I see no humor in it. On the upside, several of those who so designated me have since been banned. One or two have simply drifted away/stopped posting. Obama-apologists can fool some of the people some of the time, but their true colors show eventually.
I wasn’t there. I didn’t call you a liar. But I’m sorry it scared you so badly. Maybe in a few years the pain will heal. But, you’re right, the fools eventually show themselves, and they go.
I’m staying here; ain’t moving again.
Some people on here can be mean and rude. I’ve encountered this many times. It seems like no matter what I post there’s always a few who take jabs at me, criticize or just call me names. I’ve developed a thick skin, and whenever I post anything I’ve written I brace myself for the attack. Fortunately, most people on here are just fine, but don’t let the “few” get to you.
I’m not moving again; this is where they’ll plant me. My sister just retired here from CA, after 40yrs with K-P, and I can’t wait to see the hell she’ll have to go thru. Like a big brother, I’ll help her get thru it somehow. She gave her car away before she left, and flew back ahead of the moving van.
‘But I’m sorry it scared you so badly. Maybe in a few years the pain will heal.’
Did you mean ‘scarred’? I wouldn’t characterize it that way. I wd call it an eye-opening experience into the nature of the anti-birther movement. Facts are not their stock & trade. They deal in propaganda. Anything that challenges their propaganda is ipso facto a lie.
To be honest, I’m profoundly glad for that experience. It enabled me to comprehend the anti-birther movement better than any other experience could possibly have done. Yes, it angered me. But the insights I gained far outweighed the downside. Bottom line: I don’t regret it at all. (Though I will never see the humor in it. That doesn’t mean I’m ‘scarred’. It just means it wasn’t funny.)
People will refuse to believe this regardless how much evidence you put in front of their face.
Here is a compilation of court cases supporting Traveling is a Right, not a privilege.
Barron v Burnside - 121 US 186
Boone v Clark - 214 SW 607
Buchanan v Warley - 245 US 60, 74
Chicago Motor Coach v Chicago - 169 NE 22
Cummins v Jones - 155 P. 171
Deibel v Dreiss - 50 NE 2d 1000 (1943)
Ferrante Equipment Co v Foley Machinery Co - NJ 213 A.2d 208, 211, 49 NJ 432
Gardner v City of Brunswick - 28 SE 2d 135
Hadfield v Lundin - 98 Wn 657; 168 P. 516
Hale v Henkel - 201 US 43
Hoke v Henderson - 15 NC 15, 25 AM Dec.677
In re Hong Wah - 82 Fed 623
Kent v Dulles - 357 US 116, 125
Ligare v Chicago - 28 NE 934
McKevitt et al v. Golden Age Breweries Inc - 126 P.2d 1077 (1942)
Miranda v Arizona - 384 US 436, 491 (1966)
Murdock v Pannsylvania - 319 US 105
O’Conner v. City of Moscow - 69 Idaho 37
Packard v Banton - 44 SCt 257, 264 US 140
Parish of Morehouse v Brigham - 6 S 257
Parish v Thurston - 87 Ind 437 (1882)
People v Nothaus - 147 Colo 210
Robertson v Dept of Public Works - 180 Wash 133 at 139
Rogers Construction Co v Hill, Or - 384 P.2d 219, 222, 235 Or 352
Spann v City of Dallas - 235 SW 513
State v City of Spokane - 109 Wn 360; 186 P. 864
State v Johnson - 243 P.1073
Thompson v Smith (Chief of Police) - 154 SE 579, 580
Weirich v State - 140 Sis 98
Wells v Zenz - 236 P. 485
Western Turf Assn. v Greenberg - 204 US 359
Williams v Fears - 343 US 270, 274
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