Posted on 05/17/2013 3:07:30 PM PDT by SatinDoll
My nephew and his squeeze are talking marriage. They've been childhood sweethearts since 6th grade - they're now both 21. He wants a 'prenup', a prenuptial agreement, and she's never heard of such a thing. Should they have one?
Some background: they are each others best friend and confidant. When he left his grandfather's house after high school graduation to be more independent and encountered roughened circumstances, she supported him while she worked at WalMart, and together they became partners in a business that failed. Nephew moved back home while she went to school. But that's not all - her mother has been supporting her while she went to community college but Mom's work hours have been reduced and my nephew, who now has a good paying job, will be supporting his girlfriend. There is a lot of history in this relationship
So they're discussing getting married.
My nephew's now happily-married half-brother has an ex-wife, and told his baby half-brother to never marry without first getting a 'prenup'.
He asked me, his spinster Auntie with 6 cats, what he should do. Yeah, right! My first instinct would be to avoid commitment and get another cat, but that wouldn't suffice.
I am requesting the help of the world's most extensive and collective group of knowledge on earth, Free Republic, as I have no experience in the area of marriage. Many Freepers do have a great deal of experience with marriage/divorce.
Any practical advice? I know I'll see lots of puns and jokes, not to mention opinions, but useful advice would be greatly appreciated.
I am suspicious on why he thinks he needs a prenup? Does his future wife have a spending problem or maybe a lot of debt? If so, he probably needs to wait a bit to see if she matures a bit....
1 item
2 words:
No cats.
“there is risk of causing marital discord because it implies one party or the other is already thinking of divorce before the marriage even begins.”
That coin has two sides. A person asked to sign a prenup should maybe try to see their new spouse as an intelligent, confident person who will address uncomfortable issues in a forthright manner. During the long marriage, that spouse will use that same critical thinking and not let any Doctor, IRS agent, salesman, realtor, etc scam your family.
In many parts of the world, a “clever” person is admired. Many think they become successful in the workplace too.
Sign it, then go be married.
Another circumstance would be if there were children from a preceding marriage, to ensure that stuff that was intended for the prior kids inheritance stayed that way (although creating a trust would be a better idea).
Not a fan of prenups—defeats the whole purpose of marrying for love. However, given our litigious society and the existence of parasite divorce lawyers and ugly feminists, they are a necessary evil if one party has a strong balance sheet and the other does not. I have a relative who is quite successful—has a six figure income, house, lots of assets—as is marrying a two-bit, lazy, unemployed bum. My relative refuses to have the bum sign a prenup. The bum brings nothing to the table. The bum will probably wind up getting half of what my relative has in a divorce. This has nothing to do with being fair—it has everything to do with activist judges, punitive divorce laws and sleezy lawyers.
It sounds like neither party has any assets so there is no need for a prenup. If either side is questioning the other’s motives, the marriage should probably not take place.
Then again, there's lots of people who were betrayed by people they trusted completely.
The average American divorce rate is 50%. That’s a pretty risky average to not want a concentual agreement.
I look at it this way...
When you have a car, you buy car insurance, but not because anyone PLANS to be in an accident.
Same thing with a prenup. Its marriage insurance. Your cute, sweet newlywed wife might not be so sweet as when you got married in about 5 or 10 years
I think it’s awesome for young lovers. Both of you sign a paper saying that if either cheats or asks for a divorce, they gets nothing? It’s really more of a covenant than a prenup. If a guy or a girl gets mad about that, i’d be very careful.
Why would someone want to save their right to profit from walking away? If they would never use it, they should happily sign that right away.
“No cats.”
Ah! You’ve ferreted-out my method for keeping men at bay.
My resident cat population is down to six with the deaths of three of my cats due to old age. Nine or ten is a goodly number - but of course, not to most men!
“I understand the concern given todays climate of “no fault” divorce-”
I’m guessing that a pre-nup over-rides the no-fault divorce stuff? When my wife and I got married we were young, not much money and no pre-nup. When my mom re-married after my dad died there was a large gap in wealth with her second husband so they had a pre-nup. Of course being older, they both realized it was the prudent thing to do, and nothing to do about trust or love.
A young couple only hoping for future wealth down the road and doing a prenup? I think that WOULD say something about their trust and love for each. OTOH - it is sometimes better to learn from others mistakes than your own.
The world hath no fury like a woman’s corns. - Archie Bunker
Grateful for "help"?
So he should make all his possessions liable to seizure?
What kind of "help" are we talking about?
we already know you hate women and are some kind of homo of something.
You can kiss my ass too.
So whats wrong with men? I mean being a man and all, we are just, ah, well, men....
“If one believes that marriage is a sacrament and dissolvable only by death, then a prenup is a contradiction.”
Then why someone would be angry at a paper that supports that sentiment, by agreeing to give up all rights to profit from initiating a divorce?
It seems that both should happily sign a document that clearly states that whoever cheats or files for divorce can only leave with the clothes on their back.
There’s nothing wrong with being a man. There’s nothing wrong with being a woman, either. Newlyweds really enjoy honeymoons, so I hear.
It’s the living together afterwards that can be awkward.
No. It’s a trust-breaker, to me.
Headed into a divorce myself. Maybe we all should be following your advice. :-)
Yes, as a matter of fact, I've been thinking lately that a pre-nuptial agreement would be a good idea for all couples before they marry.
More important, however, would be to keep separate bank accounts, and not to put each other's names onto credit cards. Cynical? Yes. But much more realistic now.
And how about happy enthusiastic sex as often as he wants?
How about no weight gain above 2 pounds per year?
How about no Oprah allowed in the house?
How about an afternoon nap in a recliner not be interrupted?
How about no short hairstyles without husband approval?
How about no temperance movements?
There are a lot of things to put in a prenup.
Prenups used to be required by a trust to protect the trust in case of divorce. Then they were used by the wealthy marrying the not-so-wealthy. Now they are used pre-divorce agreements before marriage. Stupid. Don’t trust her, don’t marry her.
Wow, what a cynical negative attitude....and might I add somewhat naive. Making preparations for failure almost always increase the chances of failure.
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