Ancient 8-Foot Sea Scorpions Probably Were Pussycats

Live Science ^ | 12/30/2010 | Charles Q. Choi

[Silentgypsy]

Ancient sea scorpions included the largest and arguably most frightening bug-like creatures known to have lived on Earth, but despite their fearsome claws, these giants might actually have been creampuffs, scientists think.

[GeronL]

We could call them Blast-Ended Skrewts.

[OneWingedShark]

Imagine these on your Shrimp-platter!

[6SJ7]

The scientists analyzed claws from a group of one of the largest sea scorpions, Acutiramus, which lived about 416 million to 419 million years ago in what is now New York and Ontario, Canada. They calculated that the pincers could only safely apply no more than 5 newtons of force without damaging themselves.

So, 400 million years ago New York had what were basically 8 foot long cockroaches that ate Fig Newtons.

[LibFreeOrDie]

Boiled with melted butter...Mmmmmm!

[ClearCase_guy]

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

— TS Eliot

[GraceG]

I wonder if PETA wrote this, what with their whole “sea kittehs” thing...

[ArrogantBustard]

These monstrous pterygotids were believed to be terrors of the seas 470 million to 370 million years ago, long before the dinosaurs appeared, reaching more than 8 feet (2.5 meters) long with large claws laden with sharp spines.

We'll be needing the giant economy size ...

[bgill]

Pussycats are creampuffs? They haven’t met Her Royal Highness Ruler of the Universe who thinks nothing of whuppin’ up on the 90 pound bear here.

[stuartcr]

Looks like a giant slipper lobster.

[Delta 21]

They say that the globe might be getting warmer too.

[GraceG]

If I had a time machine I would open a seafood resteraunt that would specialize in very ancient, very large, seafood....

Now I know WHY they went extinct, LOL.

[pgyanke]

Japanese Spider Crabs

[frithguild]

Tastes just like chicken.

[MarkL]

I was about to reply, "I'll be Hagred said the same thing about 'Blast-Ended Skrewts.'"

Ya beat me to it!

Mark

[GeronL]

lol.

They be harmless really, cute things aren’t they?

[Yet_Again]

Find a bone...

...sketch a creature...

...speculate endlessly on its personality...

...all at taxpayer expense.

[The Comedian]

Frowning takes 68 muscles.
Smiling takes 6.
Pulling this trigger takes 2.
I'm lazy.

[warchild9]

I’ve seen the original fossils of honking big eurypterids, and nobody can convince me that these could be anything but terrifying.

[Silentgypsy]

Their pincers are supposed to be capable of a pressure of 5 newtons, whatever that means, as opposed to that of the jaws of T rex (200K newtons.) Don’t quote me on the figures.
Visualize walking one on a leash....