Leaked Democrat Re-election Strategy Memo (Shhh, don’t let on that we have it)

This un-sourced memo someone forwarded me shows what terrible trouble democrats are in. Please don't gloat (too much) when reading it and don't let democrats know we have it.

Good day Representative
Many of you have been noticing how the party has been polling very poorly in approval ratings lately. If left unchecked this could be a serious problem in November. Your party leadership has determined that this is just a simple problem of you mis-communicating with your voters. Because this has been the most successful congress of our lifetime, we have concluded your faulty messaging is the problem. We have done some poll and focus group research testing and believe that just a few simple changes in your message will turn the election into another great victory for our party. Here are a few simple tips for re-election:

Tip 1 : Avoid Talking about our legislative Accomplishments
Many of you are making the mistake of talking about the Economic Recovery Package (aka jobs bill) , Banking and Health care reform. This is a big mistake. Your voters are not smart enough to appreciate all we have done for them. In fact, even you are not qualified to talk about those bills yourselves because you probably never read them yourselves even though you voted for them. If asked about these bills, act like you never heard of them. There is a misunderstanding that some of you thought these reforms would become more popular with time. But that is silly. The best legislation is hated by everyone; and these bills easily meet that test. So cheer up and see below for some winning messages to send instead.

Tip 2 : Avoid Talking about your Party Leadership
They are an especially dangerous subject to talk about. Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barrack Obama are the greatest leaders in the history of this country, but they are as popular as child molesters right now. If you are asked about them say you don’t know them and don’t agree with them. Tell them you are an independent thinker who decides issue by issue on your own (till the next vote, tee hee) .

Tip 3 : It’s about the minority (other) party, not about us
Some of you think that this election is about you. Tip 1 explained why this is a losing strategy. You can make this election about the minority party instead of us. Explain how they opposed all our initiatives. This might seem to be a loser since our initiates are so unpopular right now; but you can tell them our bills only turned out crappy because the minority voted against them. Then say you need to be re-elected to keep this from happening again. (Don’t worry if this doesn’t make sense after you think about it a bit, your voters are idiots. They elected you didn’t they?)

Tip 4 : Winning Message : No matter how bad things are, things could always be worse
This one is so easy. No matter how bad things are, and they are very bad; people can always be made to imagine even worse. It is your job to get your voters to imagine the ‘what might have been’ could have been worse than anything they ever imagined. Are they unemployed? Tell them to imagine living on the street eating out of garbage cans. Are they living on the street homeless now? Tell them to imagine being deported to Mexico. Has their health insurance premiums doubled? Tell them to imagine being treated in Mexico by a Mexican doctor. Then tell them that your votes in congress kept that all from happening and they need to re-elect you. What is nice about this approach is that it applies no matter how bad things get.

Tip 5 : Winning Message : The best things always cost more (make Health Reform a winner)
There is a huge misunderstanding about health reform. Many voters actually think we promised that this will control costs and lower the deficit. This is ridiculous. How can providing free (cost shifted) health care to millions of new patients with new expensive mandates possibly cost less? Remind them that the best things in life cost the most. Ask them if they notice that the more expensive cars are nicer than the cheaper ones. Tell them that the mandated insurance will help them in the long run. Take mandated pregnancy and birth related coverage for example. Someday embryonic stem cell research may lead to a way for men to have a baby. Tell your male voters that the federal government mandating that they buy coverage for birth and pregnancy related treatments and tests could help them some day if they become pregnant by accident.

Tip 6 : Winning Message : tax cuts for the rich hurts you
Envy is a much stronger emotion than self interest. Your voters won’t care if they are starving and homeless as long as they think you are punishing ‘the rich’. Tell them the rich benefited from your misfortune and that you have the power to punish them if you are re-elected. They will never found out that you voted to have their property condemned and taken away to build that new mall. Or that you voted to make him pay a health care tax that union members are exempt from.

Tip 7: Winning Message : Bush never really left office, he is still running things
Bush can be a gold mine again. We won two election landslides complaining about Bush. Right now he is trying to make that difficult for us by being invisible but you can bring him back in spirit. Talk about him all the time. Make your voters see his smirking face again talking about tax cuts for the rich or bailing out rich bankers or being ‘the decider’ or foreclosing on their home after selling them a subprime loan . Tell them you heard that he is secretly running the tea parties and is planning a comeback. Tell them they need to re-elect you to keep that from happening. And if they complain about anything going bad now, remind them it is all Bush’s fault. It’s a really a double dip recession, or triple dip. Well you get it. ‘Bush, Bush, Bush is coming back’.

Tip 8: A timeless winner for every election: Accuse the other party of racism
This is always the BEST last resort. Your job is to make blacks and Hispanics terrified of Republicans. Keep telling them the Tea Party is racist; that it’s the K.K.Klan’s rebirth. You know how hard it is to get minorities to vote; so then you have to scare the daylights out of them. Make them think of hangings and burning crosses and George Bush smirking at them being evicted and more tax cuts for the rich. Remember Roosevelts“You have nothing to fear but fear its self”? Well we have nothing to offer but fear it’s self.

And remember that the most famous heroes became well known after they were dead. Have patience for getting that credit. It is coming. We promise. You just might NOT be alive to see it.

RE :”Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi and Barrack Obama are the greatest leaders in the history of this country, but they are as popular as child molesters right now....(reply) .Reminds me of how popular ISO9000 was, and how we all wished somebody would take it off our hands, where I used to work. “They will treat it like a dead racoon....”

That child molesters line was motivated by a similar comment Liz made to me this week about Obama.

But what motivated this bit of creativity was that ppt presentation democrats made on how to sell unpopular Obama health care reform, by not talking about cost and deficit,(I pinged you all on it below). They are stewing in their juices now. I love it!

Democrat study group tips on pitching Health Care Reform post #22

Hale responds:

Desm, this is what you need to do to have us re-elect you:

Tip#1: Find a rope, tie a nice, thirteen-coil hangman’s knot on one end.

Tip#2: Find a tree, and attach the loose end of the rope to it.

Tip #3: Have one of your Aides get a ladder.

Tip #4: Slip the knotted end over your “collective” heads.

Tip #5: Climb the ladder; not too quickly, as you need time to let the momentuousness of the moment sink in. Go ahead; pause and take a break; after all, this is more work than any of you dems have ever had to do in your lives, and we know it’s exhausting.

Tip#6: Now say a quick “prayer” to whatever equally-magnanimous, non-judgemental, gender-neutral, environmentally-friendly deity you believe or don’t believe in...you know, one like the All-Loving, All-Powerful, All-Equal Universal Cosmic Bellybutton Lint Ball or something like that...

Tip #7: Now, just simply step off the ladder!!! And remember - “it don’ mean a thing if youse ain’t got dat SWING!”

Presto!! America has instant trust for Dems again!!!

It’s actually that simple!!!

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