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Two Potential “Blood Baths” Narrowly Averted by School Officials
A Semi-News/Semi-Satire from AzConservative ^ | 18 October 2009 | John Semmens

Posted on 10/19/2009 8:59:34 PM PDT by John Semmens

Two separate incidents of potential school yard mayhem were narrowly averted by decisive action on the part of public school officials in New York and Delaware.

In Delaware’s Christina School District, 1st grade student Zachary Christie was spotted eating lunch with an unauthorized Boy Scout mess kit tool—a combination knife/fork/spoon. Disaster was avoided when the vice-principal quickly disarmed and immobilized the child. The school’s “zero tolerance” policy calls for the offending 6-year old student to be sentenced to 45 days in reform school.

School officials rebuffed arguments that the child’s age and the circumstances should be taken into consideration. “This student was wielding a knife within inches of other students,” said George Evans, the school district board’s president. “Are we supposed to wait until blood is spurting from someone before we act? It is better to act too soon than too late. And I categorically reject the notion that the punishment is excessive. Making an example of this one misguided boy will serve as a warning to others.”

In New York’s Lansingburgh Central School District, 17-year-old Eagle Scout, Matthew Whalen was suspended for 20 days after it was discovered that he kept a knife in a car parked in the school lot. The 2-inch pocketknife was part of a survival kit Whalen kept in his car. Other items in the kit included a sleeping bag, water, and a ready-to-eat meal.

District Superintendent George Goodwin defended the school’s action. “The fact that Mr. Whalen never brandished the weapon is irrelevant,” Goodwin contended. “Keeping it hidden in his car with other ‘survivalist’ gear is a clear ‘red flag.’ The Columbine murderers transported their weapons in a car. Neither am I impressed that Mr. Whalen is a Boy Scout. Timothy McVeigh was a Boy Scout. These are precisely the paramilitary types we’ve been warned about by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Nipplitaliano.”

read more...

http://azconserv1.wordpress.com/


TOPICS: Education; Government; Humor; Society
KEYWORDS: educrats; satire; scouts; weapons

1 posted on 10/19/2009 8:59:34 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Great one John.


2 posted on 10/19/2009 9:07:07 PM PDT by wastedyears (Clyde Shelton is my hero.)
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To: John Semmens
The fact that we have to check if it is satire is a sad statement of the public school system.

In real news there was a riot at a Milwaukee Public School last week

3 posted on 10/19/2009 9:07:29 PM PDT by LukeL (Yasser Arafat: "I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize")
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To: John Semmens

Eagle-Scout Motto: Always be prepared...
US Court’s judge’s Motto: To abridge any right under any excuse possible.

It’s all too sad that satire and news seem to be one-and-the-same.


4 posted on 10/19/2009 9:10:55 PM PDT by OneWingedShark (Q: Why am I here? A: To do Justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God.)
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To: John Semmens

This sounds like a fake story or just douche-bag authority.


5 posted on 10/19/2009 9:22:28 PM PDT by Rick_Michael (Have no fear "President Government" is here)
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To: Rick_Michael

The stories are essentially true.


6 posted on 10/19/2009 9:24:05 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Survival gear being a red flag and indicative of paramilitary types is not satire, I’m afraid, according to liberals. Good gosh, what are those kids preparing for — a Red Dawn?


7 posted on 10/19/2009 9:27:49 PM PDT by Aroostook25
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To: John Semmens

come on this is ridiculous! next thing nail clippers will be considered weapons.


8 posted on 10/19/2009 9:28:29 PM PDT by Ancient Drive (DRINK COFFEE! - Do Stupid Things Faster with More Energy!)
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To: John Semmens
Man, these Boy Scouts are really getting out of control.

Thank goodness those public school weenie-head administrators were so vigilant.

9 posted on 10/19/2009 9:33:53 PM PDT by smokingfrog (No man's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session. I AM JIM THOMPSON)
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To: LukeL
The fact that we have to check if it is satire is a sad statement of the public school system.

When John posts something that is not satire, no one is going to believe him. The fact that I need to look for his byline on articles like this makes me want to cry more than laugh.

I've been treated as a terrorist at the airport because I was stupid enough not to take off a belt (wearing tank top, shorts and flip flops - a whole lot of concealed places to carry weapons there ...) and treated as a drug smuggler because I had spilled laundry detergent in one of my bags.

The only time I did cry though was the time when I saw a piece of luggage that someone had forgotten at the long term stay hotel I'm staying at for work and reported it to the front desk. The response I got was "OK, I'll call the police and get a bomb squad out".

This country is going completely insane in my lifetime. Is it something in the water or air?

10 posted on 10/19/2009 9:47:03 PM PDT by altair (When sporks are outlawed, only outlaws will have sporks!)
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To: John Semmens; Rick_Michael
He's right you know. If anything, this one is tamer than real life. A girl suspended for bring a single table of aspirin into school, an olympic gymnast stripped of her medal because she took cold medicine prescribed by her trainer.
11 posted on 10/19/2009 9:51:30 PM PDT by altair (When sporks are outlawed, only outlaws will have sporks!)
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To: Ancient Drive
next thing nail clippers will be considered weapons.

Too late! They already are. I've had nail clippers removed from my check in luggage with a nice "friendly" note from whomever inspected my bags.

12 posted on 10/19/2009 9:53:00 PM PDT by altair (When sporks are outlawed, only outlaws will have sporks!)
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To: smokingfrog
Thank goodness those public school weenie-head administrators were so vigilant.

It's hard to believe this is the same place I grew up in. When I went to high school in the late 1970s, the controversial thing was the school officials setting up designated smoking areas so student smokers wouldn't smoke in the lavatories. By the time my four year younger sister was going through, they had established dress codes and I guess things really have gone down hill after that.

13 posted on 10/19/2009 9:58:25 PM PDT by altair (When sporks are outlawed, only outlaws will have sporks!)
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To: Ancient Drive

They already are by the TSA.


14 posted on 10/19/2009 11:22:36 PM PDT by John Semmens
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To: John Semmens

Mr. Semmens,
I am VERY concerned. I harbored a Boy Scout for YEARS. I also married a former Boy Scout who went through survivalist training a military officer! What do I do? Do I turn them both in?

Wringing hands,
Mrs. Worried


15 posted on 10/20/2009 12:21:53 AM PDT by Inclines to the Right (http://www.fightfoca.com/ www.jillstanek.com)
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To: Aroostook25

If you believe one is coming, you will approve of people of all ages preparing for it, and urge everyone you care about to do likewise.


16 posted on 10/20/2009 1:20:30 AM PDT by ExGeeEye (Keep your powder dry, and your iron hidden.)
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