Posted on 01/24/2009 3:32:10 AM PST by SkyPilot
Edited on 01/24/2009 10:37:09 AM PST by Sidebar Moderator. [history]
Iowahawk Guest Opinion
by Rosa Ortiz
Former Chief of Housekeeping Staff
Park Avenue Estate of Caroline Kennedy
Ola, this is Rosa. I am blog you again today because I am look for the job. Because the p***e p**a gabacha Senora Kennedy she fire me.
Forgive me Guadalupe for to talk like this but I am very very angry. When I blog last time it is because Senora Kennedy, she say "Rosa! Make the blog for my Senator campaign, I have the gown fitting." I say, "but Senora, I no know how to do this blog and have many towels to fold." And then she is angry and say, "I no care, just do this. I am late for appointment at Sachs."
Okay so I write the blog because I no want to make her angry. I blog you how much Senora Kennedy is make good Senator and how she is good to Rosa. I work hard on the blog, and even miss my late bus home to the Bronx and then I have to sleep on the extra cot in the servant wing.
When I wake up the next morning I am getting the e-mails from the other blogs they say, "Rosa! You are the very bad racist!" and calling me all the names. It make me sad, but I have vaccuums to do and vomits to clean up in the banos because of the cousin Joe is guest.
When I was drag the cousin Joe out of the hallway Senora Kennedy she call me on the intercom and she say, "Rosa! You come to my office right now!" and she is sounding so angry that I have to drop cousin Joe and hit his head very hard the the marble and it is make another mess.
"Yes Senora?" I said to her. She say, "Rosa! You no make a very good blog! All the peoples are still laugh at my Senator campaign!" Then she tell me to write the blog again but take it to her friend at the Nueva York Times for the copy edits before to put it on the internet.
I no want to argue but I say, "Senora Kennedy, I am not so good with the blog, maybe you ask Felipe in the kitchen staff, he has diploma from the Harvard PoliSci. I go finish cleaning so I can make the bus tonight."
Then Senora Kennedy gets the phone call from Gobernador Paterson, and she is talking to him and she is getting more the more angry and looking at me. She say, "but why do I must pay taxes on the Rosa? She is no a citizen! Okay! Okay! I take care of it!"
Then she stops to the angry and she breathe and then she looks at me quiet. "Rosa, I am let you go."
"Let me go where, Senora?"
"Your services are longer no required."
I do no understand what is saying and then she say, "you are the fired."
I am very very sad and tired from no sleep and so I am start to cry. For twelve years I work for the family. I do the clean and picking up and mop the vomits from tio Teddy and all the barracho cousins and sobrinos. I no complain, even when they wake me up and send me to the store for more gin and cough syrups. Even when cousin Joe show up with his p**o friend Hugo Chavez, and he say, "Rosa! Hugo wants to liberate you! ha ha!" I just do my job and try to smile, but now she fire me.
"No no no, Rosa, no cry!" Senora Kennedy say. "Is not you, is me. I give you the two week of the severance. I help you get a new job after this Senator campaign is over. The security mans will be here to help you out after you finish with the vomit mopping."
I was very sad for many days, but it was nice to have not to get to the bus at 5 o'clock. So I am decide to take some time off to rest because I have been very tired for twelve years. When I was watching the news yesterday, it say "Senora Kennedy drop out! Gobernador Paterson make the other lady Senator!"
Then the phone rings, and it is Senora Kennedy. She say, "Ola Rosa! I have the good news. I am hiring you back until the next Senator campaign. Please come early tomorrow because we are have a big big family party tonight."
I swear on the heart of Guadalupe, I could no help my mouth that say, "C****a tu madre, p**a! P****e c****a, p*****a! Una c******a!"
I no get my job back but I feel very much better.
So if you know the people who need the housekeeper in Nueva York, I am available. I have many experience and work very very hard. I am train to be very quiet to police and newspapers. I only have the three rules: (1) no windows, (2) no blogs, (3) no Kennedys.
Gracias, and remember to vote Rosa for Senate in 2012.
You are a genius.
Loved it!
LOLOLOLOL
Is this the same Joe Kennedy, the enviromentalist that flies in private planes, rides in limos & SUVs, and has a size 92 carbon footprint?
Man, that’s pretty funny.
This was very funny. I especially liked "Rosa's" last line: No Kennedys! A wish we could all share, I suspect.
Dear Rosa,
I’m with you dear, NO KENNEDYs! Now go home to wherever you are from South of the Border.
Kalee
Isn't this spot on, and the best satire all year?
I am to clean up vomit now Senora.
That one’s a keeper! Still laughing...
I hope Rosa goes a bit further South, we have more than enough illegals in the Carolinas. lol
I have been to South of the Border 2x in my life, once as a child and once with my own children. I agree, those signs are annoying...unless you are a child. They seem to find them entertaining.
I read this to my wife in my best funny Spanish accent. She was in hysterics. Thanks!
Doc Thorne
OMG! THat’s hilarious! LOLOL!!!
I knew from the first line this was going to be a great one. My Spanish isn’t great but I understand the words. Satire at its best!
Sure hope ol’ Admin Moderator no speaka da Spanish.
That was some high-velocity stuff en espanol, claro que si.
;^)
La mera neta, es cómico esto.
ooohhh...el languago as muy mal
“the vomits”
LOL
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