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DUmmie FUnnies 12-26-08 (It's beginning to look a lot like Pitt's Missive!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | December 26, 2008 | Wee Willie Pitt, DUmmies, and Charles Henrickson

Posted on 12/26/2008 11:03:41 AM PST by Charles Henrickson

It's not Christmas, really, without a visit from that nimble little elf, Wee Willie Pitt. Pitt knows this, of course. He EXPECTS his DUmmieland faithful to be looking forward to such a visit, so the Unusually Reticent One feels compelled to post. (The Formerly Logorrheal One was so quiet this year that voting for him as one of the Top Ten DUmmies of 2008 was something akin to, as one person noted, Cal Ripken getting voted to the All-Star team when he was past his prime.) Pitt's missive is found in this THREAD, "This might be me picking a fight with those angry at Obama, but..."

But before we get to that, it is Christmas, so it's fitting that we recall an ode to Pitt from a Christmas Past when we were having a "Bad Pitt Writing Contest" on FR:

THE NIGHT BEFORE FITZMAS

'Twas the night before Fitzmas, when all through the house
Not a FReeper was typing or using their mouse.
Their essays were stored in a file they called "Pitt"
In hopes that the contest would show off their wit.

The authors had wrestled all week to write bad,
While versions of Willie's prose ran off their pad.
And PJ in his perch there atop DUFU Towers
Had just settled his blogs for a few business hours.

When up on the DUFUs there arose such a ruckus,
I sprang from my deep snooze to see what the fuss was.
Away to "My Comments" I flew bada-bing!
Went straight to a Pitt thread to check out the ping.

The mood of delight at a new-written post
Was not what amazed or surprised me the most.
For what to my wondering eyes should appear
But a wee little DUmmie who was holding a beer!

With a bald head, an earring--I've got to admit,
I knew in a moment it must be Will Pitt!
More vapid an English I never had heard,
With sentence on sentence and word upon word.

"Now deader! Now duller! Now wordy and prolix!
On pompous! On pond'rous! Impress PJ-Comix!
Till the end of the page! Till a volume you fill!
Now write away! Write away! Write it like Will!"

He spoke not much more, which was so unlike Pitt;
He usually rambles and piles up his spit.
We wondered the cause of this newfound restraint--
Oh, not that we're angry or making complaint!

Was there something amiss? What's the worst that we feared?
But we heard Pitt exclaim, ere he soon disappeared:
"I've got to get back--a new essay to write!
I just heard that Fitz . . . is about to indict!"

And now, without further aDU, here is Wee Willie's latest and the DUmmie reactions, in Merry Fitzmas Red, while the commentary of your humble guest correspondent, Charles Henrickson, enjoying Day 3 of Honeybaked Ham, is in the [brackets]:

This might be me picking a fight with those angry at Obama, but...

[But it might be you being Will the Shill, the dependable Democrat party hack.]

...some Christmas thoughts.

[Some thoughts so you think about ME!]

1. My fiancee has Multiple Sclerosis. Two of my friends are diabetic. Stem cell research will begin again under Obama. That may mean huge change for them.

[Which will mean huge change for the babies who will be killed if EMBRYONIC (the word Pitt doesn't use) stem cell research begins again. BTW, Pitt, this "fiancee" you've had for, what, a year or two now? When are you getting married? Or is this just some shack-up arrangement?]

2. A dozen of my friends are out of work. Obama's jobs plan and economic ideas stand a great chance of re-employing them.

[And further burdening the taxpayer. Government make-work jobs are not private sector jobs. Also, I didn't know you HAD a dozen friends, Will. Maybe you can get them "jobs" as "contributing editors" at truthout. BTW, what's your old colleague Jason Leopold doing these days? Whatever happened to his BackgroundBriefing (aka "BadGroundBeefing") project?]

3. I don't know any rich people, but I know a lot of middle-class working folks who will be helped by the Obama tax cut plan.

[You don't know any rich people . . . other than Mother Pitt, you mean, whose family fortune keeps you in brewskis. And the Obama tax "cut" plan--good luck with that, when the definition of "rich" keeps going lower, when all sorts of "fees" are instituted, when pass-along costs from overtaxed businesses are passed along, and when jobs are lost because of the tax burden.]

4. Diplomacy will be back in vogue. . . .

[IF Hillary can get off the tarmac in one piece! But the Tigress of Tuzla is FEARLESS!]

5. Maybe three SCOTUS justices will be stepping down in the next few years.

[Maybe only two. And hopefully, just a liberal-for-liberal swap.]

So. Healing sick people. Employing the jobless. Tax cuts for working people. Less war. Better justics. Smells like change to me.

[Smells like B.O. Plenty to me.]

Just sayin'.

[Just pontificatin'.]

Marry Christmas, all.

[Marry your "fiancee," Will.]

(hit and run, off to do Xmas stuff, sorry)

[Off to Bukowski's! Now reactions from the DUmmies . . .]

Less War? Step away from the eggnog. You do know about Afghanistan, right?

[Who put eggnog in Pitt's "eggnog"?]

but,but,but, he made a decision I don't agree with! can we hang him now?

Wouldn't Flaying... Drawing and Quartering be more, I don't know...festive? Kind of holiday-appropriate?

[Obama is the new Bush.]

What if that one issue was slavery? I am not comparing gay marriage to slavery, I am wondering if there is an issue that would make you a one-issue voter.

[Some gay marriages are INTO bondage.]

We won't have to worry the whole time he visits another country that he'll disgrace us by groping heads of state.

[Unless Barry is "on the down low."]

Strict Constructionism = Narrow Minded. And even worse are the Scalia types who believe in originalism, which makes no sense at all. It requires strict constructionism but based upon the interpretation of what the framers MEANT.

[Horrible! Instead, let's make the Constitution mean what we WANT it to mean!]

that remains to be seen, and even so, it won't stop me from speaking truth to power.

[The year would not be complete without one last "speaking truth to power" post.]

It's wonderful that you are making a commmitment to her to love, honor and protect her in sickness and in health, etc., as my partner of 23+ years and I have done - but our relationship is not legally recognized, nor do we have the same rights and benefits of marriage as you both will.

[It's funny: The heterosexuals don't want to get married anymore, but the homosexuals do!]

The bottom line is Obama will do more postive things for the country and it's citizens then not.

[The "then" makes the sentence read unintentionally FUnnie--and probably true!]

Who gives a f*ck?

{Someone got to a keyboard between hits on the bong.]

Why the hell do people now act like Rick Warren = Barack Obama?

[The first Saddleblack President.]

who gives a flying f*cking rat's @$$ what rick warren opposes anyway? does rick warren make policy decisions?

[The Obama Administration = 48 Months of Purpose.]

I think it is too late for some. Insanity seems to have set in big time.

[Engrave this over the entryway to DUmmieland.]

The '50s were great if you were white, male and straight. To hell with everybody else!

[WOO-HOO! Let's hear it for straight white males!!!]

Right on as usual, Will!

[Right on, dude! Righteous!]

Where do you get this "less war" crap? We're going on a great big compensation crusade to Afghanistan to prove we're not wimpy liberals or soft on Islam. . . .

[The War On Wimpiness! (WOW)]

Then there's that religion thing, which is the claxon of tyranny and imbecility. . . .

["Claxon." This DUmmie must have got a "Word of the Day" calendar for Christmas.]

His economic team is like Yogi Bear and his friends guarding the pickinik baskets.

[This is why he picked Tom Vilsack, so he can WEAR THE BEAR!]

"Less war" is ridiculous. To reiterate, No War. No *surge.* And get Gates out of there.

[Storm the Gates!]

Less war is better than a lot of war. Just like 1 tablespoon of arsenic is better than 2 tablespoons.

[Arsenic and Old "Less."]

Merry Christmas Will. sometimes I really miss you around here. . . .

[Finally! THAT is what Will has been waiting to hear!]

one's stance on obama basically depends on accepting the hype or not. his embrace of powell told me everything i need to know about him. warren just confirmed it. he is going to be a lousy president.

[Keep hype alive!]

"Hohoho!! ... Daa chuba tinka!!" "Mmmm.... Gran sha tacha, on bo publika makaneech pooba jeejee pa poonoo weeteebah!... hahahahaaahh."

[DUmmies speaking in tongues! Film at 11!]

Pitt's going to get his... so shut the f*ck up.

[Pitt's going to get his . . . what? His mojo back?]

I know a lot of middle class working folks myself, though, and I'll bet you not one of them gets a tax cut. Not one.

[But YOU, my friend, you are getting a Kewpie Doll, for a brief moment of mental clarity!]

In my experience what tax cuts came my way were soon offset by increased FICA taxes.

[Ah, grasshopper, you are catching on to the tax "cut" shell game!]

Warren's world works out great if you're a white man!!!!!!

[I'm going to Warren World! WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!]

In a just world, gay people would have the rights that you currently do, and selfish, hypocritical people like you would lose theirs, if only to teach you a much needed lesson.

[Make Wee Willie live like a gay person for a week! Well, er, on second thought. . . .]

Merry Christmas, Will, no matter how much of your list actually comes to pass.

[Hey, Will accurately predicted Rove's indictment, didn't he?]

I understand the anger of those who did so much for Obama, especially the glbt community. . . .

[What's Eating GLBT Grape?]

Inflammatory headline followed by no actual fight picking. What a disappointment.

[NEEDS MORE CONFLICT!]

when the administration acts like a bunch of unwashed baboons. . . .

[Chimpy McBama.]

pitt doesn't usually think it through. he's just a democrat.

[Hee! Hee! And this is posted on DEMOCRATIC Underground!]

Warren still s*cks purple monkey d*cks. . . .

[The Purple Driven Life.]

what is wrong about being angry at Obama?

[Gotta be angry at SOMEBODY! It's the DUmmie Way!]

Great post Will. Sad that some of the replies to your post labeled you as selfish, hypocritical, dismissive. . . .

[No, Will was EXPECTING--nay, ENCOURAGING--those replies, in order that he could get your predictable and much-coveted "DEFEND-WILL-PITT POST"! Don't you know the dance?]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: dufu; dummie; dummiefunnies; dummies; piedpiperpitt; pitt; weewilliepitt; williamriverspitt; willpitt
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A little blast from the past:

THE TWENTY-FOUR (BUSINESS) HOURS OF FITZMAS
Tune: "The Twelve Days of Christmas"

On the twenty-fourth hour of Fitzmas
My truthout gave to me:
Twenty-four bonus hours
Twenty-three bogus sources
Twenty-two sealed indictments
Twenty-one new excitements
Twenty Leopolds leaping
Nineteen FReepers freeping
Eighteen crowded dockets
Seventeen Sonny Crocketts
Sixteen corks a-popping
Fifteen-hour meeting
Fourteen Freudenschades
Thirteen Pipers piping
Twelve DUmmies griping
Eleven Roves a-packing
Ten dollars lacking
Nine shots at Skinner
Eight crows for dinner
Seven crews amassing
Six days a-passing
Five LOUSY TROLLS!
Four Patton Boggs
Three fresh blogs
Two marching frogs
And a Pitt ribbed in a parody!

1 posted on 12/26/2008 11:03:41 AM PST by Charles Henrickson
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To: Charles Henrickson

IBTP!


2 posted on 12/26/2008 11:04:44 AM PST by SIDENET (Hubba Hubba...)
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To: PJ-Comix; Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; ...

Pittian PING!


3 posted on 12/26/2008 11:05:54 AM PST by Charles Henrickson ("But I'm the magic man." --Wee Willie Pitt.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

top 5 pittances


4 posted on 12/26/2008 11:07:46 AM PST by NeoCaveman (magnae clunes mihi placent, nec possum de hac re mentiri.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

What is the matter with these DUmmies that they don’t know stem cell research has been ongoing during the Bush years? My conservative sis in law said the only thing she got mad at President Bush about was that he didn’t want stem cell research. I straighten her butt out and she said.... “OH!”


5 posted on 12/26/2008 11:10:39 AM PST by Ditter
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To: Charles Henrickson

Pitt is straight?! Won’t Kevin Spacey be surprised!


6 posted on 12/26/2008 11:16:04 AM PST by Slings and Arrows ("Every few generations the really, really bad ideas come back around for another go."--Howard Tayler)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Slow Boxing Day Top 10


7 posted on 12/26/2008 11:20:19 AM PST by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Top Christmas Ten


8 posted on 12/26/2008 11:27:16 AM PST by Mercat (God doesn't call me to be successful. God calls me to be faithful. Mother Teresa)
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To: Charles Henrickson
It is nothing less than frightening how truly stupid and uninformed those who believe themselves to be intelligent and “conscious” are.

They simply don't get it, and hate anyone or any idea that doesn't agree with them and make them feel good.

9 posted on 12/26/2008 11:27:35 AM PST by Ghost of Philip Marlowe (Abortion has become little more than the New Left's execution of political prisoners.)
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To: Charles Henrickson

top11?


10 posted on 12/26/2008 11:33:27 AM PST by Condor51 (The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits)
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To: Charles Henrickson
Stem cell research will begin again under Obama. That may mean huge change for them.

Poor stupid Pitt. If EMBRYONIC stem cell research was actually producing any successful results, organizations would be lining up to fund it privately and selling shares of stock, the way they are for ADULT stem cell research, which IS producing results. ESCR is a scam to keep scientists who have bet their careers on it from looking like the losers they are, and incidentally having to get real jobs. My sib the medical researcher has no problem getting funding, but of course, that research is WORKING.

11 posted on 12/26/2008 11:44:04 AM PST by nina0113 (Hugh Akston is my hero.)
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To: Charles Henrickson
1. My fiancee has Multiple Sclerosis. Two of my friends are diabetic. Stem cell research will begin again under Obama. That may mean huge change for them.

The layers of ignorance here is beyond sad.
12 posted on 12/26/2008 11:46:01 AM PST by Vision ("Test everything. Hold on to the Good." 1 Thessalonians 5:21)
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To: Charles Henrickson
[Make Wee Willie live like a gay person for a week! Well, er, on second thought. . . .]

Dam you Charles and PJ!

I can't watch any movie now with Kevin Spacey - like 'Se7en' - without thinking of when DUmmie Funnies wrote about the time Wee Willie was trying to get Spacey to go up to his apartment 'for a drink'.

With Spacey now 'outed' I always think .... YUCK!

[kidding about the 'dam you' :-)]

13 posted on 12/26/2008 12:03:01 PM PST by Condor51 (The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Charles, reverend, sir, you just get better and better and better.


14 posted on 12/26/2008 12:36:33 PM PST by franksolich (Scourge of the Primitives, in Service to Humanity)
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To: nina0113

“Poor stupid Pitt. If EMBRYONIC stem cell research was actually producing any successful results, organizations would be lining up to fund it privately and selling shares of stock, the way they are for ADULT stem cell research, which IS producing results. ESCR is a scam to keep scientists who have bet their careers on it from looking like the losers they are, and incidentally having to get real jobs. My sib the medical researcher has no problem getting funding, but of course, that research is WORKING.”

well said.
It’s always the losers who run whining for government handouts.
Private sector will only fund the winners.


15 posted on 12/26/2008 12:44:01 PM PST by Scotswife
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To: nina0113; PJ-Comix; Charles Henrickson; Paul Heinzman; Xenalyte; Purrcival; Mr. Silverback; ...
DUmmie ALERT!

DUmmie ALERT!

DUmmie ALERT!

BABBLING SISTER PRIMITIVE GETS "DARKY" TOY FOR CHRISTMAS!

THINKS IT "CUTE"!

SHOWS IT TO THE PRIMITIVES!

Photobucket

THE PRIMITIVES ON SKINS'S ISLAND!

PRIMITIVES ADMIRE IT!

SHOWING THEIR TRUE COLORS!

0BAMA-IN-A-BOX!

REINFORCES ALL THE OUTDATED RACIAL STEREOTYPES AND CARICATURES!

PRIMITIVES LIKE IT!

PRIMITIVES BETRAY THEIR RACISM!

link on next comment, below

16 posted on 12/26/2008 12:47:15 PM PST by franksolich (Scourge of the Primitives, in Service to Humanity)
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To: franksolich

http://www.conservativecave.com/index.php/topic,19856.0.html


17 posted on 12/26/2008 12:47:51 PM PST by franksolich (Scourge of the Primitives, in Service to Humanity)
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To: Charles Henrickson

Top 20


18 posted on 12/26/2008 1:15:31 PM PST by freedumb2003 (Der neuen Fuhrer: AKA the Murdering Messiah: Keep your powder dry, folks)
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To: Charles Henrickson

“2. A dozen of my friends are out of work.”

Does anyone actually think WWP has a dozen friends? I do not. Did Bukowski’s close its doors? Maybe that’s where his “friends” are......


19 posted on 12/26/2008 1:30:00 PM PST by GQuagmire
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To: Charles Henrickson

Honeybacked Ham? We have one of those stores just a few blocks away. Is it really good? Perhaps I’ll give it a shot.


20 posted on 12/26/2008 1:34:58 PM PST by PJ-Comix (The Tide Turned Just a Half Year After Pearl Harbor)
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