DUmmie FUnnies 08-10-08 (DUmmies Ashamed of US Winning in the Olympics)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | 8/10/2008 | 28erl, DUmmies, and Paul Heinzman

[Paul Heinzman]

The summer games are underway in Beijing after no small amount of debate over whether the United States should participate due to China's human rights violations. That debate is over now, but controversy continues. Foreign journalists have gotten a first-hand taste of China's Internet restrictions, one American tourist was murdered and another injured by a Chinese madman who then killed himself, and three Americans protesting religious oppression have been detained and then ejected from the country.

However, for some DUmmies, the real controversy is how doggone good the United States is at winning medals, as you will see in this DUmmie THREAD titled "olympic medals - does anyone else finding it embarassing to take so many."

So let's take a break from counting Michael Phelps's gold medals to watch the DUmmies lament America's awesomeness in Bolshevik red with the comments of your humble guest narrator, Paul Heinzman, in the [brackets].

olympic medals - does anyone else finding it embarassing to take so many

[It's right up there with misspelling embarrassing.]

we walk in with a 'crowd' and then seem surprised to get so many - it would be nice if some of the other 240 counties that are smaller got some - it always seems like a gang shows up when we walk in and then so many have to say USA USA - I mean - I just find it like the 'gang' is here and we are taking over - what are your thoughts? I know republics like the gangs and bullies to take over everything so they like being king of the mountain all the time - I just feel like others should get a turn more often

[Every game should end in a tie. That way, everybody wins.]

I know I got sick of winning all of mine that's for sure.

[Olympic pizza eating?]

no. i like winning. and i like winning in olypmics. sorry.

[Even if it makes everyone else feel bad?]

...and this is why I always supported the idea of sending ONLY collegiate competitors from the U.S. to participate. We try to turn it into a celebration of U.S. dominance in the world and we are rightly resented for it. I find it hard to root for the U.S. in any olympic competition.

[May we question your patriotism now?]

Yes, the Olympics should be a celebration...   
...a celebration of good clean spirited international competition and camaraderie. Not an effort on the part of the U.S. to take advantage of its relative size and dominance in so many sports to carry off a gargantuan medal haul every four years. This could be achieved by sending collegiate athletes instead of professionals.

[We'd still win more than anyone.]

What professionals do we send besides Basketball and if you haven't noticed the NBA has been globalized with players from all over world who are playing for their home countrys. Not to mention that Basketball is just one metal. What other sports do we have pros in? Football, nope. Baseball, nope. Guess what, that it. Those are the pro sports. Take your head out of your ass.

[You win the gold medal Kewpie doll for having a brief moment of mental clarity.]

What part of "collegiate athletes" do you not understand, Sidney?
 
[Since Sidney is probably a professional college student, my money's on the "athlete" part.]

And what kind of belligerent jackass gets worked up over a topic like this?

[Just about any DUmmie.]

The American empire is dying in case you hadn't noticed, genius. Don't guess that matters though -- as long as we can stomp Panama in thumb wrestling and pull down the gold. USA NUMBER ONE!!!! YEAH!!!!!!!

[It's "USA! USA! USA!"]

The young pros in the soccer tournament are often far better than the young men we can send, for example.

[Imagine the outcry when the United States finally wins a World Cup.]

I guess that is the part I feel - it isn't just a competition of athletes but the attitude of dominance - I do root for the people and yes I like to see how someone acts when they win - some are more gracious than others - I am not saying we should run slower, etc as someone else mentioned but we seem to have the funds to send more - some of these countries have good athletes but not the training facilities or opportunities - doing their best is nice - but it is that American arrogance - I remember when I traveled in europe I stayed away from some Americans because it was embarrassing the way they acted - that holier than thou stuff - I find that same thing with republics - they act like they are holy and great and yet so many are in the closet or infidelity but you would think the dems were the only ones when in actuality - those most against something are usually guilty -

[If there were a writing competition in the Twit Olympics, you'd take the gold.]

In 1980 we won zero

[Not in the Summer, but in the winter there was one that ended in the chant "USA! USA! USA!" that was particularly displeasing to Will Pitt.]

Jimmy Carter made them wear sweaters to save energy and they were slowed down by it!

[BLASPHEMER!]

I don't know why any American whould be surprised - it's a big sports-obsessed country that gives out university scholarships just for being good at a sport.

[Yes, these kids who bring millions of dollars in revenue to universities should get nothing and like it.]

That is literally the stupidest f*cking thing I've read all day, and there are about 600 Edwards threads competing for that title.

[That's saying a lot considering this is DU.]

This isn't the Kumbayalympics.

[It's the DUmmie FUnnies.]

Hell, let's get rid of the contest and everyone can get a gold medal!

[Everybody gets a medal!]

But what would we call it?
Special Olympics is already taken....

[We'll call it the Oprahlympics.]

If there was ever a post that validates the RW stereotype of liberals, this is it

[And we have noticed.]

Is there any representation of this country which doesn't embarrass you?

[Just Democratic Underground.]

[MEG33]

Whatadeal! I love DiGiorno Supreme..I can participate in that sport!

[doorgunner69]

Nothing quite so exquisitely painful as the large scab repeatedly cracking open every time you move the wrong/right way. Has a real large one on my hip that made every standing up, sitting down an adventure.

And of course, the leaking fluids, bandages sticking........yuch.....

[Purrcival]

China is 12 hours ahead of those of us who are in the Eastern time zone. If it’s 3:30 AM there (which is tomorrow, already, because they’re on the other side of the International Date Line), it’s 3:30 PM here.

This may help:

http://www.timeanddate.com/worldclock/

[Paul Heinzman]

"Counties"? The Olympics goes all the way down to the county level now? That would be one massive "Parade of Athletes" during the Opening Ceremony!

Nice catch!

[Purrcival]

Hey! You need to reel it back, fella. It's not fair to all us others that you get into the top 'whatever' all the time. Just because we get here late doesn't mean we should be excluded.

Yeah, Silverback! I didn't get here until post 95, and there YOU are, gloating again about being in the Top 20!

*sniff* My self-esteem is *sob* crushed...*boo hoo hoo*

[Purrcival]

There are so doggone many misspellings in these DUmmie posts, I sometimes can't see the forest for the trees. YOU actually caught the misspelling of “embarrassed” or “embarrassing”, which I totally missed.

[airborne]

Two liberals arguing -

“I really hate this country!”

“Well I hate it even more!”

“No way. I despise everything about it!”

“Huh ungh! I was hating this filthy capitalist cesspool before you were born!”

“Oh yeah? I burn a flag at least once a week!”

“You ‘da man!”

[Purrcival]

Yeah, I was actually pretty PO’d when I found out about Marian(sp?) Jones. How many people did that affect when they took her medals away? The other three people on her relay team lost theirs, too, I believe(?). And think of the teams that came in 2nd, 3rd, and 4th...the 2nd place team robbed of the gold medal and the chance to hear their national anthem as they stood on the podium, the 3rd place team robbed of the silver, and the 4th place team robbed of the medal and the ceremony.

But I think (hope) that this is more the exception than the rule.

[retrokitten]

I get that part, it’s the NBC claiming things are live at 3:30 AM China time that had me confused.

[retrokitten]

They all need to download Firefox. It’s got a spell-checker in it.

[Purrcival]

Passed anyway, because the liberal a$$ teacher didn’t want to hurt your self-esteem.

Teacher: Who discovered America?

Kid: Uhhh...Joan of Arc?

Teacher: Well, if that's good enough for you, it's good enough for me!

(Shamelessly plagiarized from the ad parodies between segments of El Rushbo's show)

[gc4nra]

This would be funny if it wasn’t so true.

[Purrcival]

So you also saw Kyle Busch win #8, and my fave (Tony Stewart) come in 2nd...

[Purrcival]

LOL - That is GREAT!

[Paul Heinzman]

That wasn’t me; that was Komposer. And I almost never pick on misspellings, grammatical errors, u.s.w., cause there but for the grace of God go I, but that struck me as FUnnie.

[Mr. Silverback]

We're getting into the realm of daggerboards here. We'd best leave this one alone...

[looks up daggerboard on Wikipedia]

Ewwwww!! Yes, let's!

[Paul Heinzman]

REG:
Listen. If you really wanted to join the DU, you’d have to really hate the Americans.
BRIAN:
I do!
REG:
Oh, yeah? How much?
BRIAN:
A lot!
REG:
Right. You’re in. Listen. The only people we hate more than the American are the f***ing FReepers.

[Mr. Silverback]

I still have a scar on my elbow from a fall off a ten speed in 1985.

[Bullish]

If there were an Olympics for dope smokers, you can bet that DUers would win all the medals.

[Mr. Silverback]

Very nicely done...and the tagline gave me a chuckle, too.