Posted on 06/08/2008 5:55:09 PM PDT by writer33
Chicago, IL—Rush Limbaugh refers to him sarcastically as “The Messiah,” but Mary Magdalene, a 47-year old divorce lawyer doesn’t find that humorous.
“He’s a typical pig,” Mary claimed. “He probably doesn’t believe in anything.”
Mary’s belief in Obama didn’t happen overnight. At first, she was skeptical, but does admit that watching Obama give a speech on television was “mesmorizing.” It wasn’t until one day when she was in a hurry to get to her bustling law practice that all of that changed.
“I was having a bad hair day,” Mary noted. “I was running late, scurried to my Toyota Prius, backed out of the driveway, and something told me to stop. The garage door closed, and there it was…the stain, a stain that has seared itself in my memory. I couldn’t believe it. My jaw dropped and tears stung my cheeks.”
Mary asked herself if it really could’ve been the image of Barack Obama that had stained her garage door. The haunting image, according to Mary, stayed with her the entire day. She told us that she met with client after client, but was unable to shake the events of that fateful morning.
“I went home that day and washed the stain away,” Mary claimed. “But every morning it reappeared. I tried chemical after chemical, but Obama’s stain just wouldn’t wash away. It only meant that this miracle was the sign that he was truly chosen to be President of the United States.”
Since then, Mary has volunteered for the Obama campaign, walking door to door through rain, sleet and snow to advocate for his presidency. But Mary isn’t the only one to witness the miracles of Barack Obama.
Esther Hokey, a 55-year old waitress in Hollywood, Florida, also has seen the miracles of Obama, having witnessed them first hand at an Obama rally. The event in Hollywood ripped her from the Hillary camp and into the awaiting arms of Obama.
“I went to the rally with my Clinton 2008 shirt. Obama was giving a sermon on big oil and the evils of “whitey” when he suddenly began to levitate above the crowd of ten thousand. We all fell to our knees in utter shock and awe!”
Esther noted that she went home and immediately burned her Clinton 2008 shirt. If it weren’t for the miracle in Hollywood, according to Esther, she would still be supporting Hillary Clinton to this date.
“I can still remember his words to this day,” sobbed Esther. “He told us that ‘he was the one we were waiting for to smite big oil and heal the wounds created by whitey.’ How could you not believe?”
And then there’s the story of John Baptiste, a 34-year old diesel mechanic from Detroit, Michigan. His experience was yet another in a long line of miracles performed by Barack Obama.
“We were at a rally for Obama by Lake Michigan,” John stated. “He was telling us that we need not worry about either John McCain or Hillary Clinton, and that he was truly chosen to resurrect America from its long slumber.”
John claimed that a lady in a Clinton 2008 shirt stood up and inquired as to how the people really know that you are to be the nominee.
“I’ll never forget it,” John told us. “Barack turned to her with a fire in his eyes and said, ‘behold my power.’ And with a wave of his hand, he parted the waters of Lake Michigan. It was so inspiring that I fell into a fetal position as the tears rolled down my face.”
Story after story has spread like wildfire across America as “The Messiah” works his miracles on its citizens. It is indeed a truly perplexing matter for John McCain. If he wants to spread his arms and love America, then he must first consider that only “The Messiah” can spread love. Secondly, he must take into account that he will now be characterized as “The Great Satan.”
No need for them to do that when their "savior" has arrived.
I started reading and got as far as “the stain!!”. Then I looked at who wrote it! HAHAHA!!! Actually, I should have figured it out when I got to the “Mary Madgalene” part!
Sad thing is, some people really DO probably think he’s some sort of ‘savior’! Scary!
Good job Chris!
LOL!
Thanks for reading, sneakers. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it. But you’re only the second person that’s commented they caught the Mary Magdalene reference.
I’m sure there are far more. But glad you enjoyed it.
The Toyota Prius alerted me to the satire...it was just too pat...
I had no doubt you would discover it. FReeper intellect is far too high.
Even a savior gets baptized, possibly more than once.
Since liberals don't have a religion but liberalism, they don't need baptism.
The biggest trouble for satirists these days is staying at least one step ahead of reality.
This is true.
This will help you understand their pain.
:-)
LOL
Great satire piece. I shall share with friends who are hard core Barry Butts.
Thanks for reading. Glad you enjoyed it and good luck on the sharing.
:-)
:-) Good one.
And because Oprah’s gah, gah, over nobama, her sales, her number of tv watchers have dropped. Yep...She goofed when she trumpted nobama’s wares.
With beer or hard liquor?
You’ll never find a more congenial spot...
Then Obamalot!
Must resist making “Hokey Pokey” joke...
Barack Obama is the Black Marjoe Goertner. He just hasn’t gotten a conscience,yet.
Make the joke. Make the joke.
Thanks for reading. I appreciate it. Glad you enjoyed it.
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