Poll Says 94 Percent Satisfied with Lives

AZCONSERVATIVE ^ | 19 August 2007 | John Semmens

[John Semmens]

A Harris Poll found that 94 percent of Americans say they are satisfied with their lives. This is up from 90 percent two years ago.

Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean attributed the improvement to the 2006 elections, which returned control of congress to the Democratic Party. “Two years ago, this country faced a long nightmare of four more years of George Bush,” Dean said. “It’s no wonder only 90 percent were satisfied. But now, with the Democrats retaking control of congress a natural feeling of euphoria is sweeping the country. These statistics are proof of this dramatic turnaround in the public mood.”

Dean predicted that the figure would reach 100 percent once a Democrat is elected president. “Instead of the partisan bickering we have now with divided government, we can expect a genuine ‘era of good feelings’ once all the forces are aligned to ensure the passage of key legislation,” Dean said. “We’ll be able to enact the nationalized health care, gay rights, and tax hike agenda that has been blocked by the Neanderthal right wingers of the GOP.”

In related news, Dean said that the party will launch an unprecedented "voter protection" effort to try to avoid election irregularities like those seen in Florida in 2000 and Ohio in 2004. “People were asked to show ID,” Dean complained. “Others were denied the right to vote after the polls had closed. Many were restricted to a single ballot in a single precinct. These types of Republican efforts to suppress the votes will not be tolerated in 2008.” Dean expressed confidence that the increase in Democratic control of state governments since 2006 would “reduce the incidence of these kinds of abuses.”

[GreenAccord]

So, from this poll, we can infer that DU membership is 6% of the population.

[Huntress]

Satire Ping!

If you would like to be added to the Satire Ping List, please ping or FReepmail me.

[attiladhun2]

Dean is a partisan political hack and a moron. The 4% difference would be within the margin of error. How did this boob get through med school? He must have either cheated big-time or wore out a passel of kneepads.

[darkangel82]

It’s satire, but you’re right about Dean.

[attiladhun2]

I can see that now that it is satire, but since Dean actually does believe drivel like this, one would expect genuine idiocy to pour out of his vile tater-hole real copius-like.