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DUmmie FUnnies 09-18-06 (DUmmie Confidence In November Election Victory Crumbling)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | September 18, 2006 | DUmmies and PJ-Comix

Posted on 09/18/2006 7:56:12 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

Remember just a few weeks ago when all the polls were showing Democrats winning landlslide victories? The DUmmies were already breaking out their champagne bottles to celebrate in preparation for the Bush impeachment and the purge trials of the Republicans. However, in recent days, the polls show that the races are starting to tighten up. This can be expected since all midsummer polls are WORTHLESS. In the middle of the summer, people are focused on vacations, NOT politics. Just ask President Dukakis who led Bush 41 by about 20 points in July 1988. As a result, the DUmmies are now entering the panic mode as you can see in this THREAD titled, "President doesn't think Dems will win either House... and neither do I." What set this DUmmie doom and gloom mood off is a discussion about an INTERVIEW that Cal Thomas had with the President in which the latter expressed confidence that the Republicans would maintain control of the House and Senate after the November elections and the DUmmies sadly concurring in this assessment. What is happening right before our eyes is the shattering of DUmmie confidence. They placed so much stock in the worthless midsummer polls that they are now worried that Lucy will once again yank the football away from them as a result of the more accurate polls of recent days. So let us now watch the DUmmie cork up their victory champagne bottles in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, noting that President Dukakis spent several post presidential campaign years teaching a course that nobody noticed at Florida Atlantic University, is in the [brackets]:

President doesn't think Dems will win either House... and neither do I

[Pardon me if I suspect you of being a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL. The giveaway is that you referred to George W. Bush as "President." DUmmie protocol requires that you refer to him in Doonesbury form as an asterisk (*), or as Chimpy, or as Chimpus Khan, or as Bushitler. And now for the quote from RealClearPolitics...]

I asked him if he thinks Democrats will win a majority in Congress in the November election. "I don't think they're going to win," he stated. "I don't believe they'll win it, because I believe that these elections will come down to two things: one, firm belief that in order to win the war on terror there must be a comprehensive strategy that recognizes this war is being fought on more than one front; and two, the economy." He did lament that some Republican candidates think they can win by distancing themselves from his policies, noting that could send a message that people who do such things are political opportunists. He implied such a strategy might turn off the GOP base. The president said 12 to 15 races would decide who runs the next Congress.

That view was endorsed by a top White House strategist (Rove?), who forecasts a post-election spread of 52-48 or 53-47 in the Senate, with Republicans maintaining their majority, and a loss of eight to 12 seats in the House, but with the GOP still in charge. With the president's approval numbers slowly rising to the mid-40s, the strategist say that all Republicans need is a couple more points to be OK.

[EEEK! What is wrong. Why won't * accept the inevitability of Democrat victory? Maybe there is a Rovian plot to ensure the Democrats don't gain the House and Senate? Woe is us! HIT THE PANIC BUTTON!!!]

At first glance, one must wonder what dream world these guys are living in... and then the nightmare sets in...

[When you realized that Karl Rove is still in FULL CONTROL...Hee! Hee!]

Diebold, voter roll purges, ID cards, disenfranchisement, broken machines, long lines, confusion, "honest" incompetence, Diebold, erratic vote totals, sequestered counting, secrecy, Diebold, intimidation, provisional ballots, spoiled absentee ballots, lost ballots, deception... and did I mention Diebold?

[We own ALL your Diebold machines!]

If I were a betting man, my money would be on the GOP to retain control of our government. Nothing in the past 6 years has given me any indication that this election will be any different than all the other recent elections.

[Getting tired of trying to kick Lucy's football, eh?]

When they win, you'll hear... "Sure, there was some dirty tricks and a few "anomalies" but not enough to affect the outcome of the elections." "Stealing an election is too hard, think about how many people would have to keep quiet. These guys can't keep anything a secret." "You can believe what the kooks in this country believe but the fact is, the GOP won and these guys are just wallowing in sour grapes." Oh, it's enough to make you sick, I tell you. I can already hear the talk of a "clear mandate" and the remarks about a "re-energized President".

[We have all those responses already pre-printed for easy access.]

This win will be heralded as a total acceptance of the Presidents crimes and will be used as a bludgeon to beat the Democrats to death with ignorant slogans like... "Democrats just didn't have a plan." "Democrats floundered all over the board and couldn't connect with the average voter, why are they so disconnected from reality?" "The thought of having Democrats control any branch of Government truly frightens Americans." "God told me, George, I'm gonna give you the Congress just this one last time, do something great with it. Invade Iran or Syria and get rid of those murderers over there... and so we will."

[You forgot the "Democrats couldn't get their message out," lame excuse.]

Maybe, just maybe, my premonition won't come true. Maybe we will win the House... if only just the House, what a blessing that would be... maybe their dirty tricks will fail or they'll be too afraid to try... maybe Americans will muster up enough pride and courage to finally stand up to these hucksters... Maybe, just maybe... but I've been thinking that since 2004 and would have been thinking that since 2000 had I been paying attention. Maybe this time it will be different but I doubt it.

[This time it WILL be different. The Great Pumpkin WILL arrive. I promise.]

So, you believe the Chimp? Do you also believe other things that the Chimp says?

[WHEW! Now I know you aren't a LOUSY FREEPER TROLL like the author of this thread probably was for calling him "President." Or perhaps you are just a smarter LOUSY FREEPER TROLL is is wise enough to cover his ID by calling him "Chimp."]

Who Is He Referring To When He Says "President"? That's what I want to know.

[Another DUmmie questioning the bonafides of DUmmie mikelewis who authored this thread.]

I believe he has a corrupt enough machine between the media suck ups and his Repug vote counters, it is possible to skew the returns. For staters they have been masters at gerrymanding , so US elections are about as meaningless as they have ever been. You are saying US elections reflect the general will. ?

[No. I am saying they reflect the Rovian will.]

these THUGS will NEVER allow themselves to be voted out.... how can anyone still doubt that? There very lives depend on it.

[Give up hope...NOW!!!]

God, you're such a downer! You're getting everybody depressed. It's not time for that.

[Please tell me that the Great Pumpkin WILL be arriving!!! He must! He must! He must!]

Expect the worst but hope for the best. dems better not a take a thing for granted in this election. The Repugs have a lot to lose if Dems gain a majority in the House &/or the Senate.

[You mean like starting up the impeachment hearings that the Democrats swear with crossed fingers that they would NEVER initiate?]

I pray that you are wrong,but........ I fear that you are right.

[Break out the meds.]

If we keep saying it's going to be stolen, we're only going to attract it by dwelling on it. If it is, it will be because we didn't bother to fix things and just sat around and bitched and moaned. Defeatism like this is why things don't get done.

[Defeatism is FUn to watch!]

Yep. Let's kick us a little red butt on Nov. 7th.

[Nov. 8th. Because of the expected high turnout, they are extending the election by a day. Republicans vote on Tuesday, Democrats on Wednesday.]

Okay,....... Then what? ---- A much larger question by far is,.. "if you feel certain that elections are being stolen, what are you prepared to do about it?"

[I'm prepared to don my Guy Fawkes mask. Remember, remember, the Fifth of November.]

The same thing I'm doing now... spending my free time discussing the reality of our election process and working to shift those who are in denial to anger and move those who suffer from depression to acceptance.

[I'm doing the same. I am moving the Democrats suffering from depression to meekly bowing to reality and accepting their Dieboldian future.]

Screw "acceptance!" If I didn't know better, I'd think you were a plant from the Dark Side...

[His use of "President" to refer to Chimpy is quite suspicious.]

Unless we can accept reality, we can never act on it... The reality is, our elections are being stolen right before our eyes. When people begin to accept that fact then we can begin to stop it. Acceptance does not mean acquiescence. Acceptance is realizing that since "they" are prepared to kill for what they want then we must be willing to accept death to stop them. Acceptance is seeing the reality of a situation and resolving to either ignore it or fight back. When this prophesy comes to pass, then come tell me I'm a plant for the Dark Side. My post is telling you that the Dark Side exists and it is coming. It's time we all swallowed that bitter pill and come up with a plan to stop it. Otherwise... we can have this same discussion in '08 if you like.

[Bow to reality and swallow that bitter cyanide pill.]

If the GOP wins again, so be it

[That's the right spirit!]

I already "accepted" that Republicans cheat but I'm not ready to accept that they will get away with it yet again or that we will allow them to. I am just one person but I do what I can to hold my elected officials feet to the fire to make sure we don't get screwed again. I've marched before in protest of the election certification of * and will again if they do it again. I also think that Dems are going to win in a huge number and that will make it nearly impossible for them to skew results.

[Freudenschade, baby!]

If you're like me, your kids taught you about computers. The polls now show that Bush's approval rating is around 20% among those under 25. If they try to flip the vote, I figure that some bright kid will, or has, come up with some way of detecting it. We also need to keep control of any electronic voting machines and any software used in them. I prefer paper ballots myself, counted by hand. As for their other gimmicks, we've seen them before. We'll be watching very closely. The Democrats and other non-Republicans plan to be at every polling place to avoid any "problems" immediately. Then there are Kerry's recent remarks . . .

[If you see the name "Diebold" on your voting machine, don't vote unless you can enter the booth with a video camera and at least two witnesses. Then give a 20 minute speech to the poll workers about how the election is being stolen and just make a general nuisance out of yourself.]

Remember how quick Kerry coceded two years ago? Remember all of those thousands of lawyers he said he had on callto jump in and save the day for us?

[Remember that Form 180 he promised to send in two years ago?]

You all forget that there is one very effective solution if the liars and cheats rig the election again. We take to the streets and stay there until the recounts begin.

[Yeah. I saw just how effective that was when a grand total of about two demonstators showed up at Kerry's Boston townhouse demanding that he ask for a recount or some such nonsense.]

I see it in his face and actions...they believe they have it made and the machines will do as programed, where needed. It should scare the shit out of all of us. Sick, sick, but so true.

[The Diebold machines are already set on "R".]

I felt as though I was impaled when I watched them after the fix was in. I know the very second it happened. Their act of theft is not what scares me. What scares me is as sure as I sit here, people will just carry on and do nothing about it. Nothing.

[Is that you, benburch? When I hear someone mention about being impaled, I automatically assume it is you.]

I worked with verified voting in my state for two years and it is like pulling teeth to get my Democratic representatives to even look at the issue let alone acknowledge Election Fraud is THE issue! So I quit about six months ago. So, I agree with mike. It will be stolen again with a complicit media and useless democrats acknowledging yet again "the Dems ran a bad campaign" or some other bullshit. I am actively trying to relocate out of this dictatorship. Before they will no longer let me.

[Have no fear. We will always encourage you to relocate out of this dictatorship.]

And if it is stolen and you know it it may be time to take it to the streets. And that will be much harder to do than becoming involved in your local election.

[The good news is that there will be a big post Halloween sale of Guy Fawkes costumes.]

You would risk arrest, getting your head bashed in Or even being shot. Or even worse being sent to a re-education camp to learn to accept Big Brother.

[Please start registering for the re-education camps. Forms can be picked up at your local Wal-Mart.]

Before I read all the comments on this thread, someone get me a f*cking shovel so I can just beat my f*cking brains out!

[Will do but could you also dig a 6 foot hole in the ground to spare us the effort afterwards?]

Mexico has begun to create a separate government.

[That sounds like a post-election plan for DUmmies.]

republicans are playing to the subliminal vote, months before bush... was installed into office, his handlers had him running round from event to event in a jacket emblazoned with an emblem that to the eye, and from a distance, looked every bit as proper as the presidential emblem...and that's an all-too-real part of how they do it...subliminally =

[Look carefully. Bush is now wearing a subliminal Great Pumpkin on his lapel.]

Get ready for your vote to NOT count AGAIN...will the third time be the charm? Nope.

[Yup.]

You better get drunk, because in the morning the harsh reality will be announced on ALL the republican owned five networks that the American people decided to trust Bush & the republicans with "the war on terror and our safety, the talking heads will tell us (directly from the Rove/White House spin)...The talking heads will distort, convince & discuss how the polls could be so wrong again,(every election from 2000 on the polls have been "wrong" why do you thing that is)....But not a word about all the voting fraud in chosen areas around the country...We won't hear that from the mainstream for month's after it's far too late!!!

["You better get drunk" is advice that Susan Estrich faithfully followed in November 2004.]

Anyone hear Cheney on MTP last week? He said, with that f*cking smirk on his face, that Nancy Pelosi would NOT be the next Speaker of the House. Just like Bush* said he would not lose the election in 2004. The dice are loaded with Diebold.

[Republicans roll the Diebold dice and its craps for Democrats.]

some people here are setting themselves up for another big crash let down. It's so sad. There is no fairness, there is no democracy, your vote counts for nothing. There is the Bush evil, there is Diebold, there is a population as dumb as a suitcase of rocks. sorry to be such a 'downer', but come on... they CHEAT, they LIE, they MURDER, they TORTURE. what to do? look south to Mexico, they're doing something.

[Do what the Mexican DUmmies are doing...Set up your own alternate government in your own alternate reality.]

this is how you vote... with your body and soul hitting the streets in large screaming mad numbers. Not violent, but loud as f*cking hell.I suppose you think elections are run fairly, that's your right and opinion. I happen to think it's all a big stinking sham and would not insult myself to even bother playing the game.

[Scream! Hit the streets! Protest! Don't insult yourself by bothering to play the voting sham game!]

This is one of the saddest, most depressing posts I've ever seen here at Democratic Underground.

[If your sweetheart sends a letter of goodbye
It's no secret you'll feel better if you cry
When waking from a bad dream
Don't you sometimes think it's real
But it's only false emotions that you feel

If your heartaches seem to hang around too long
And your blues keep getting bluer with each song
Remember sunshine can be found behind the cloudy skies
So let your hair down and go on and cry

If your heartaches seem to hang around too long
And your blues keep getting bluer with each song
Well now, remember sunshine can be found
Behind a cloudy sky
So let your hair down and go right on and cry]

I will continue to read the writing on the wall as I see it. The truth is we're f*cked until everyone knows we're f*cked and then, we have a chance of not being f*cked any more. The GOP has motive, opportunity and a history that cannot be denied; what makes you think they're not going to steal it "this time"? What makes you so sure that the known security risks in the machines won't be exploited by the Republicans? What makes you so sure the new Identification laws won't keep people from the polls? What makes you so sure all of this hysteria about the screwed up election day procedures that conjure images of long lines won't discourage participation? What makes you so sure absentee ballots won't be tampered with and lost, ruled invalid or illegally padded? Where are you getting this faith? I don't know about you but when I hear George Bush say he's going to win an election, I tend to believe him because I know how he's going to do it. If you don't believe it now... just wait. I'll show it to you on the 8th.

[Too bad. You only used 3 F-words in one sentence. You need 4 F-words in a sentence to break the DUmmie record.]

Der Chimpenfuhrer is increasingly delusional so forgive me if I don't put much stock in his predictions.

[LOL! "Chimpenfuhrer." I'll have to file that one away with "Chimpus Khan."]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: diebold; dummies; election2006
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Okay, here is my game plan. In the near future, I will occasionally posting sample chapters from my proposed DUmmie FUnnies book. In contrast to my original conception, these chapters will be a humorously analytical look at the psychosis of the Left, using the DUFUs as source research material. Yes, there will be quotes from the DUFUs but as complementary supporting material for the premesis of the chapters. The chapters will be randomly posted as part of the DUFU blog in no particular order. I think my first chapter that I post will be titled, "The Reality Based Community." The posted chapters are just samples and can be expanded upon later. Also not every chapter for the proposed book will be posted, just a lot of them.

By doing this, I will sort of be auditioning for a publisher (hopefully Regnery). Again, the book WON'T be a mere reposting of the DUFUs as you will see.

Let me know if you want on the DUmmie FUnnies PING List.

1 posted on 09/18/2006 7:56:14 AM PDT by PJ-Comix
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To: PJ-Comix

2


2 posted on 09/18/2006 7:56:37 AM PDT by ConservativeMind
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To: PJ-Comix

3?


3 posted on 09/18/2006 7:57:11 AM PDT by Democracy In Iraq (When a soldier dies, a protester gloats, a family cries, an Iraqi votes)
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To: PJ-Comix

4?


4 posted on 09/18/2006 7:57:27 AM PDT by digger48
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To: PJ-Comix

In before the ping! w00t!


5 posted on 09/18/2006 7:57:40 AM PDT by Incorrigible (If I lead, follow me; If I pause, push me; If I retreat, kill me.)
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To: PJ-Comix

bump


6 posted on 09/18/2006 7:57:49 AM PDT by Toby06 (Hydrogen is not a fuel source. Hydrogen is an energy storage method, like a battery.)
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To: Toby06

7


7 posted on 09/18/2006 7:57:57 AM PDT by kenth (There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.)
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To: Xenalyte; RMDupree; AlexW; CzarNicky; Mike Fieschko; motzman; codercpc; thingumbob; tje; ml1954; ...

PING!


8 posted on 09/18/2006 7:58:04 AM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 10?


9 posted on 09/18/2006 7:59:15 AM PDT by Paul Heinzman (Being gay isn't required at DU, but you have to at least try it once.)
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To: PJ-Comix

Oooh - top ten, barely? or not..


10 posted on 09/18/2006 7:59:22 AM PDT by Dooderbutt (It's God's job to judge the terrorists. It's our job to arrange the meeting.)
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To: kenth

If only gas prices were staying high... if only we had another hurricane... if only we could get attacked again... * sniff *


11 posted on 09/18/2006 8:00:04 AM PDT by kenth (There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count, and those who can't.)
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To: PJ-Comix

11


12 posted on 09/18/2006 8:00:21 AM PDT by NeoCaveman (BlackwellvStrickland.blogspot.com, for the 411 on the Ohio race - linked on realclearpolitics)
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To: PJ-Comix
When they win, you'll hear... "Sure, there was some dirty tricks and a few "anomalies" but not enough to affect the outcome of the elections." "Stealing an election is too hard, think about how many people would have to keep quiet. These guys can't keep anything a secret."

He is absolutely right. Really, if we can blow up the WTC buildings and blame it on some poor innocent muslims, how hard can stealing an election be????

13 posted on 09/18/2006 8:01:41 AM PDT by Always Right
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To: ConservativeMind

We're dooooooooomed I tell you....

DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!!!!!

We'll be swift-boated into oblivion!!

BOOOOO HOOOOO HOOOOOOOO

Arrrrrrgh!

The 'Pubbies are going to steal our candy and eat our lunches AGAIN!

Oh THe Pain....... the pain.........


14 posted on 09/18/2006 8:04:40 AM PDT by roaddog727 (Bullsh## doesn't get bridges built.)
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To: PJ-Comix

This is fun! I wish someone would post the picture of the sobbing lib with the sign sitting on the side of the street. I love that picture.


15 posted on 09/18/2006 8:04:59 AM PDT by Ditter
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To: PJ-Comix

Holy Cow, top 267!


16 posted on 09/18/2006 8:07:03 AM PDT by CSM ("When you stop lying about us, we'll stop telling the truth about you." No Truce With Kings)
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To: PJ-Comix

Top 20!


17 posted on 09/18/2006 8:08:07 AM PDT by freedumb2003 (The state board will meet in closed session to discuss whether it violated an open meetings law)
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To: PJ-Comix
When they win, you'll hear... "Sure, there was some dirty tricks and a few "anomalies" but not enough to affect the outcome of the elections." "Stealing an election is too hard, think about how many people would have to keep quiet. These guys can't keep anything a secret." "You can believe what the kooks in this country believe but the fact is, the GOP won and these guys are just wallowing in sour grapes." Oh, it's enough to make you sick, I tell you. I can already hear the talk of a "clear mandate" and the remarks about a "re-energized President".

This could be a "Lousy Freeper Troll." Notice this person is getting the point across while pretending to be one of them.

18 posted on 09/18/2006 8:08:08 AM PDT by beckysueb (KOmmies are really nothing but DUmmies with better PR.)
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To: PJ-Comix
I will sort of be auditioning for a publisher. . . .

PJ is the Ping King! Sign a book deal with him soon!

DUmmie, DUmmie, DUmmie
by Ohio Suppress
Tune: "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" by Ohio Express

DUMMIE, DUMMIE, DUMMIE,
You're so dumb that it's FUnnie
On the Ant Farm called DU;
FReepers read your ravings,
That's what we are craving
On the threads that we call DUFU.

DUFU, I read ya!
DUFU, I need ya!
DUFU, I laugh out lou-ou-ou-oud!
DUmmies, you're loony,
Loonier than Clooney!
Moonbats, fear the Rovian Clou-ou-ou-oud!

DUmmie, DUmmie, DUmmie,
You're so dumb that it's FUnnie
And I laugh when I read DUFU!
In before the pinging!
PJ is the Ping King!
Sign a book deal with him soon!

DUFU, I read ya!
DUFU, I need ya!
DUFU, I laugh out lou-ou-ou-oud!
DUmmies, you're loony,
Loonier than Clooney!
Moonbats, fear the Rovian Clou-ou-ou-oud!

19 posted on 09/18/2006 8:08:29 AM PDT by Charles Henrickson (The wag tailoring the doggerel)
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To: PJ-Comix

Their "Diebold" hysteria is always hilarious. These were the people that, after the 2000 vote, DEMANDED that electronic voting be instituted anywhere and everywhere. Of course, when the new, improved electronic vote didn't go their way, they instantly blamed electronic voting.

Sheesh.


20 posted on 09/18/2006 8:08:55 AM PDT by JennysCool (Roll out the Canarble Wagon!)
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