Posted on 07/04/2006 7:39:31 AM PDT by Enterprise
"?DEAR MARGO: I am a 38-year-old successful female who is emotionally and financially secure. I have been told that I am very attractive and intimidate men. I would like to get married but am thought to be too independent"
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I'm sorry - let me be clear. In no way do i think youth is the only qualifier for a woman when it comes to relationships. I'm sorry if i created that impression.
First and foremost, for a long term companion quality is the most important factor. That's why I raised similar world view, aligned values, similar goals, compatible temperaments, etc. That's the stuff a strong and lasting romantic relationship is built on.
My preference for youth is only a threshold after that has been met. So it's not a choice between a shallow 26 year old woman who has none of these qualities, and a quality 36 year old woman who does have these qualities. If that's the choice, the 36 year old wins.
The problem is that such a choice is a false choice and needlessly limiting. There is no choice between no quality and great quality. I am just saying that given the choice, I'd rather be with a quality 26 year old woman rather than a quality 36 year old woman, or a quality 46 year old woman.
Given that there are great numbers of quality women in their 20s at any given time, the dynamic I presented isn't problematic at all.
Guess that's where we differ. The last thingy on my mind is how attractive I am when I'm drenched in sweat from a workout at the gym.
The truly amazing thing is that I never said any of that, and I don't know how you could extrapolate that from what I wrote.
Meeting women isn't terribly difficult. That doesn't make a man a player in any respect. I never even broached the topic of short-medium-long term commitment, which makes your clairvoyance on the matter hollow. Indeed, if you read my post #135, you would see how the values I listed are more in common with a stable long term commitment, and not a fleeting casual fling.
No idea how or why you came up with that stuff, sorry.
It depends on how "independent" is defined. A woman who is able to change her own oil and kill her own spiders is fine.
A woman who always wants things her way, and will nag and complain until she gets it, (and calls that "independence") is best passed by
"A woman who is able to change her own oil and kill her own spiders is fine."
I guess I fail, and so would my husband, if this the criteria.
From what I've seen, women who describe themselves as "intimidating" are women that I would not want to associate with. Sounds like a built-in defense mechanism.
You must have a lot of spiders running around your house. ;-)
This is the flip side of "men only like attractive women", namely women desiring men who are more affluent (preferably much more financially well off) than they are.
I have a friend in his 40's, partner in a business, who had no trouble at all in acquiring a cute 22 year old girlfriend
No, we don't. But we make sure we pay monthly for pest control pesticides.
Seriously, I hate spiders and so does my husband. It really causes severe conflict issues when we find one and whose turn it is to kill one next. LOL.
I was kidding about the money stuff.
Fortunately, I've been out of the dating scene for 25 years, so I don't have to care what women other than my wife think about me. Re-read my #90
I do have three daughters, oldest in college, and what I tell them is to try to be married to somebody good by their early 20's, because the pickings get slim past 30.
My wife assigns me the task of dealing with bugs, mice, and bleeding boo-boos. She can't cope. She flunks "independence". I don't mind
I think finding a quality man of good character is more important than worrying about at what time a woman is married. Sometimes that takes a little longer than being in one's early twenties. To me, as a woman, is where the priority belongs.
This thread is about what an immature whiny sniveling successful woman wants. So, let's go back and look at some of her points.
I am a 38-year-old successful female who is emotionally and financially secure.
Well, shazaam, so far so good.
I have been told that I am very attractive and intimidate men.
So who is telling her this, her momma? Other fems? I doubt that any man would tell her that, she would probably screech, call him a sexist pig and try to sue him for harassment.
I would like to get married but am thought to be too independent.
So, who is putting that idea in her head. Her momma? Her fem friends? Certainly not a man. She would never take a statement like that coming from a man! Nope, not financially, emotionally secure and independent her! And frankly, I cannot imagine any man telling her that he would like to marry her but she is too independent! LOL!!!
In the past, I just thought that these men were needy.
A really deep thinker this one. Certainly no bias or stereotyping there!
However, I was having a group discussion in mixed company where a man said it seems like women don't need men anymore.
So why doesn't she go out with a MAN and have a discussion like this one-on-one when her ditzy group discussion fems aren't around?
I feel as though women were forced to become independent and support themselves.
So ask yourself, who forced her to become independent? Gloria Steinem or Richard Nixon? You make the call!
Now, men seem to be threatened by our success.
Maybe, but the married ones, you know those men who found mates, don't think about it much. And they really really don't like being around women like this. That's why they didn't marry them.
Do I need to act like I "need" men to find my soulmate?
Only she can answer such a stupid question. For that matter, only she can ask such a stupid question.
I abhor needy females, yet I do want to share my life with someone with the ultimate goal of getting married and perhaps having children.
This is asinine. She equates getting married and "perhaps" having children with being a needy female. And she abhors needy females. This woman has issues, and she really needs to stay out of the gene pool. It's for the children.
What is ironic is that I would walk away from my career for the right man and situation.
Translation: "If I could meet a man who is fabulously wealthy and I could quit work and have the lifestyle I want, I would gladly quit working."
In many ways, I feel like I would rather be alone than have to acquiesce to a man's ego.
Translation: "I am afraid of having to deal with a MAN on an adult and personal level. I don't want any possible conflicts. I want a perfect life on my terms only."
She, and others like her, are doomed to a life of writing to hack columnists for advice.
Because you talk about dating women as plural and the field loaded with wide ranging choices, and you spin it to sound you've sampled many of them. :~D Guess that's how I got it. Clearly, if a woman can't hold your interest past her 30-somethingish birthday, you're going to have to drop them all eventually :~)
"She, and others like her, are doomed to a life of writing to hack columnists for advice."
Well at least she's asking. Gotta give her some credit for it.
Lots of men have dated several women in their lives. That's normal, and it doesn't make one a player (pejorative intended, I think).
The field is loaded with a wide range of choices. Does this upset you? I think it's a good thing.
I don't think I married for money, unless he's hidden it really well :~D
Reducing people to a few shallow features such as looks or money is a common flaw in people of both genders, those who commonly end up having their relationships last.
I'm not upset in the slightest, I just think your attitude is one of a person playing the field is all... useful on threads about how to find dates, not so useful it helping relationships last, is all. :~)
So? I'm a man. It's what I do.
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