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Every White Person In America Secretly Rooting For Gonzaga
The Brushback ^ | Nov. 30, 2005

Posted on 03/21/2006 12:27:55 PM PST by GSWarrior

SPOKANE, WA--According to a recent survey, every white person in America is secretly rooting for the Gonzaga Bulldogs, a predominantly white NCAA basketball team. In the past few years, the Bulldogs have overcome tremendous odds to become a nationally ranked team. Their surprising success has earned them a devoted following of every white person in America.

“There are a lot of closet Gonzaga fans out there,” said Gonzaga coach Mark Few, who has been with the team seven years. “Many of them care very little about NCAA basketball but they still have a soft spot in their heart for the Bulldogs. It may seem racist, but I think it's just human nature. We tend to root for the people we can relate to, and white people seem to have an easy time relating to shaggy-haired hippy kids from the northwest.”

In 1999, Gonzaga rose to national prominence when it came out of nowhere to make the “Elite Eight” in the NCAA basketball tournament. It was during that season the many whites got their first glimpse of the Bulldogs.

“I remember watching Sportscenter and seeing this team full of white guys with this crazy name, Gonzaga, and they were beating the crap out of the rest of the teams,” said Boston resident Dan Phelps, a Gonzaga fan. “Even though I knew nothing about college hoops I was intrigued. They were like a whole team of Larry Birds. It actually inspired me to go play basketball. I went down to the park and joined a pick-up game, but I got run right off the court. I guess being white doesn't necessarily mean you can play basketball.”

A Bulldog fan from Florida says that she fell in love with the team after watching little Dan Dickau play the point.

“I really love that Dan Dickau kid,” said 27-year-old Liz, from Tampa. “The first time I saw him running around I thought ‘sure, this kid’s got a chance.’ Then he proceeded to score, like, 36 points. I've been cheering for the team ever since. They have the support of every one of their white brothers and sisters across America. Oh, God that sounded wrong. What I meant was that white people support them way more than those black players. There, that’s better. I didn't want to come across as racist. ”

One of the NBA’s all-time greats, John Stockton, played for the Gonzaga Bulldogs. His decorated career put the school on the map and also encouraged other whites to follow in his footsteps. Stockton can speak first hand about the unique appeal of the ‘Zags.

“Gonzaga has always been kind of a Cinderella team, an underdog,” said Stockton. “I think that’s why people can relate to us so well. And let’s face it, the fact that we’re a bunch of white dudes doesn’t hurt. I know a lot of white people out there who are secretly praying for Gonzaga to win a championship. It would just be kind of cool for a change, you know? Like a black hockey team winning the Stanley Cup or an English-speaking team winning the World Series.”

The ‘Zags best player this year is junior Adam Morrison, who was just named West Coast Conference Player of the Week. Morrison says people often mistake him for a European.

“Usually when people see me play they say ‘Ok, which eastern European country are you from?’” said Morrison. “I’m not. I’m not from Germany. I’m not from Croatia. And I’m not from Turkey either, though frankly I think they’re making that one up because nobody would ever name a country something that stupid.”

Morrison did acknowledge that every white person in the country is a Gonzaga fan on some level.

“Obviously we have a lot of fans out there,” he said. “I know they’re pretty excited about us right now. I guess it’s just hard to believe that a bunch of white kids can be so good. I can’t explain it myself. Maybe it’s the fact that we’re such great team players. Maybe it’s the fact that we have a great coach in Mark Few. Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because we do actually have a couple black kids on the team.


TOPICS: Humor; Sports
KEYWORDS: collegehoops; gonzaga; horsehockey; humor; mountainfrommolehill; ncaa; racebaiting; satire
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1 posted on 03/21/2006 12:27:59 PM PST by GSWarrior
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To: GSWarrior

not in my pool.


2 posted on 03/21/2006 12:28:34 PM PST by MNlurker
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To: GSWarrior

oh no we ain't. and it is racist and bigoted to think that white people only root for predominantly white teams.

FYI I'm a-rootin' fer UCONN!


3 posted on 03/21/2006 12:29:55 PM PST by camle (Keep your mind open and somebody will fill if full of something for you.)
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To: MNlurker

I thought they would lose to Xavier. I have UCLA in the finals.


4 posted on 03/21/2006 12:30:06 PM PST by GSWarrior
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To: GSWarrior
Gonzaga

Sounds more hispanic to me...

5 posted on 03/21/2006 12:30:12 PM PST by 2banana (My common ground with terrorists - They want to die for Islam, and we want to kill them.)
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To: MNlurker

Not in my pool either (nor in the first round, as my tagline attests)


6 posted on 03/21/2006 12:30:24 PM PST by Corporate Law (<>< Xavier Basketball - Perennial Slayer of #1 Ranked Teams)
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To: GSWarrior

Go Memphis...


7 posted on 03/21/2006 12:31:15 PM PST by Tulane
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To: GSWarrior

This white guy didn't even know Gonzaga was playing, much less the team's makeup. And, let's see.... nope, still don't care.


8 posted on 03/21/2006 12:31:19 PM PST by JeeperFreeper
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To: GSWarrior
Everythings Going To Be All White!
9 posted on 03/21/2006 12:31:35 PM PST by TexasCajun
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To: MNlurker

I can’t tell. Is this a parody?


10 posted on 03/21/2006 12:31:53 PM PST by Minn
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To: GSWarrior
Yeah I'm sure all the white UCLA fans will be secretly pulling for Gonzaga. /s
11 posted on 03/21/2006 12:32:16 PM PST by mainepatsfan
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To: GSWarrior

Not me. I've got them winning their next game in a couple of my pools, but losing before the final four. So I guess I'm openly rooting for them against UCLA and openly rooting against them when they play Memphis.


12 posted on 03/21/2006 12:32:31 PM PST by VRWCmember
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To: GSWarrior

That sounds quite racist.

I'm staying with Duke.


13 posted on 03/21/2006 12:32:48 PM PST by Dashing Dasher (What would Reagan do?)
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To: 2banana
Sounds more hispanic to me...

It's Italian...

14 posted on 03/21/2006 12:32:49 PM PST by D-Chivas
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To: GSWarrior
Well, I'm one white guy who is not.

I never heard of them. Is it basketball season already?

As I read the title I thought it was a new monster movie from Japan.
15 posted on 03/21/2006 12:33:04 PM PST by PeteB570 (Guns, what real men want for Christmas)
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To: GSWarrior

I remember rooting for the Zags when they were an underdog team that ended up going to the Elite 8(?), three or four years ago, and have loosely followed their tournament progress since. It was always an underdog thing. I didn't even know the team was all-white until this article.


16 posted on 03/21/2006 12:33:09 PM PST by cincinnati65 (Go Panthers!.......)
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To: GSWarrior

Does anyone think Texas has a chance to win the basketball national championship to go with the the baseball and football national championships it has won in the last year?


17 posted on 03/21/2006 12:33:24 PM PST by Paleo Conservative
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To: GSWarrior

I always open root for Gonzaga -- especially a nice pair of them.


18 posted on 03/21/2006 12:33:27 PM PST by Liberator
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To: GSWarrior

I'm a Gonzaga alumni and I've never seen them play. But then I don't like or watch basketball.


19 posted on 03/21/2006 12:33:34 PM PST by saganite (The poster formerly known as Arkie 2)
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To: Tulane

FLORIDA!

If you're not a Gator... you're Gator Bait!


20 posted on 03/21/2006 12:33:53 PM PST by YouPosting2Me
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