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Justice in Fairbanks
vainity | 2/6/06 | lokibob

Posted on 02/06/2006 1:11:52 PM PST by Lokibob

Justice in Fairbanks

Many years ago, I was arrested in Fairbanks, AK., for buying a resident fishing license when I was in fact a non-resident. In my defense, I was 10 day short of being a resident (one year), and I decided to go to court and tell the judge. Yes, they are that serious about their fishing laws in Alaska.

I got there early, front row seat, and what a circus it was.

Fairbanks, during the pipeline boom was a small town gone wild. There were shooting in the streets, prostitutes galore, and general lawlessness. It was a modern version of Dodge City in the 1870’s.

The crowd gathered. There were domestic violence cases, of course, check kiters, probation breakers, and me, your hunting and fishing scofflaw. Probably 100-150 people waiting in the courtroom for the judge.

Then they brought in the jail population, all in handcuffs 15-20 of them.

I remember 2 prostitutes, both black, handcuffed together. They were smiling, and joking, looking over each person in the audience, winking and blowing kisses to us.

Another guy was obviously a hard core criminal. They seated him in the jury box and handcuffed him to a iron rail. He propped his feet up on the rail.

The bailiff came in and gave us all copies of instructions on how the court was going to proceed that morning. The bailiff said they were sheets used to protect our rights. The hard core criminal said “stick my rights up your ass”, and threw the papers on the ground.

HERE COM DA JUDGE

All rise (Mr. Hardcore couldn’t be bothered, but the rest of us did) and the judge hammered us into session.

He noticed 3 lawyers, 2 Highway Patrolman and a Fish and Game officer sitting at a table and asked why they were there. One of the lawyers said “THE MITCHELL CASE, YOUR HONOR”.

Holy crap, that is ME!!! 3 lawyers and 3 police men against me, and all I want to do is tell the judge I was 10 days shy of being a resident when I bought my license.

The judge asked me to stand and read me my rights and asked me how I wanted to plead.

I looked at the table full of legal people, 3 lawyers, and 3 cops, and decided that “innocent” wasn’t going to be an option. I said “nolo contendra” (meaning I’m guilty, but perhaps I’m not, I’m not going to fight it, however, but I want to tell you my side of the story) (man, Latin is descriptive).

Enough about my case, small potatoes, I got 4 months of probation on condition of good behavior and obeying all the fishing laws.

The hardcore criminal gave me a thumbs up, applauded; and the 2 prostitutes winked at me and tried to give me their business cards.

I stayed and watched the proceedings of the others.

One young man had been arrested at 4 am for Driving Under the Influence. He was one of the jail contingent. Here he was at 8 am, probably still drunk, pleading guilty. The judge gave him one year probation, suspended his driving privileges after dark (Fairbanks, in the summer, has sunlight 24 hours a day) and sent him on his way.

Another crook, a check kilter, was fined $100, and she asked if the clerk could take a check.

Lots of restraining orders were imposed on guys for the domestic violence thing.

The really bad guy, didn’t bother to stand, and the judge let him sit, just referring him to jail, and another court date.

I spent the morning in the court, and it really was an eye opener. I highly recommend a visit to your local court for a mornings entertainment.



TOPICS: Humor; Miscellaneous
KEYWORDS: alaska; court; fairbanks; judge
True story.
1 posted on 02/06/2006 1:11:53 PM PST by Lokibob
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To: Lokibob

OOPs, sorry, I didn't realize the font was that big.


2 posted on 02/06/2006 1:12:44 PM PST by Lokibob (Spelling and typos are copyrighted. Please do not use.)
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To: Lokibob

Imagine if you had shot a moose illegally, even if it was trying to bite your sister.


3 posted on 02/06/2006 1:13:47 PM PST by dirtboy (I'm fat, I sleep most of the winter and I saw my shadow yesterday. Does that make me a groundhog?)
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To: Lokibob

PFA (Protection From Abuse) court is always a blast. I wish I had time in the day to just sit in on the proceedings.


4 posted on 02/06/2006 1:18:19 PM PST by Woman on Caroline Street (Go sell crazy somewhere else. We're all stocked up here.)
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To: Lokibob

Alice's Restaurant.


5 posted on 02/06/2006 2:44:05 PM PST by Deaf Smith
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To: dirtboy

Never had a moose try to bite my sister, but then my sisters don't hang out at the Moose Lodge. We're more a Knights of Columbus kind of family.


6 posted on 02/06/2006 4:04:40 PM PST by Emmett McCarthy
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To: Lokibob

Hey, that's OK. I could even read it without my reading glasses. What a treat.


7 posted on 02/06/2006 7:10:17 PM PST by metmom (Welfare was never meant to be a career choice.)
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