Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

Skip to comments.

DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 2,001-2,0202,021-2,0402,041-2,0602,061-2,074 next last
To: NEPA; KJC1
I had thought he posted it on May 9, but it was posted on May 8.

You know, KJ, you're right! Thanks for that link, NEPA. I think I had misidentified that photo as May 9, but it's Sunday, May 8, 11:28 pm--which leads me to believe he is "checking in" to a motel, not to a hospital, after leaving Columbus that day. But the DUmmies on that thread think he's checking in to JHH--and Andy doesn't correct them!

I will have to revise my photo sequence on the new thread.

2,021 posted on 05/16/2005 6:49:14 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Undie the Fundee.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2020 | View Replies]

To: franksolich

Still freeping, had to run out for a few hours. Just finishing up on 24 and checking the thread.


2,022 posted on 05/16/2005 7:00:06 PM PDT by sharkhawk (I really have to stop surfing at DU.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1889 | View Replies]

To: franksolich

Oh, and I am bursting with pride to be the first in on the longest DUmmie FUnnie in history :) My guess is the next one will be longer though, and the one when Undie scam is finally blown open might approach the 65,000 limit held by the Hobbit Hole thread.


2,023 posted on 05/16/2005 7:02:58 PM PDT by sharkhawk (I really have to stop surfing at DU.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1889 | View Replies]

To: KJC1

Impressive work!


2,024 posted on 05/16/2005 7:17:05 PM PDT by Purrcival (Way to go Newsweek, you MORONS!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1502 | View Replies]

To: lutz
The check, yes, the customer copy of the check?

BTW, I did ask about that. I was told that they do have their Bank name on their checks. BTW, I gave my real name and address if they need to contact me.

2,025 posted on 05/16/2005 7:25:25 PM PDT by Krodg (yES.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1893 | View Replies]

To: NEPA; franksolich; PJ-Comix

" He never says what the result of the biopsy was, malignant or benign."

And yet he had NUMEROUS opportunities to correct DUmmies (and others) who came right out and said he had pancreatic cancer, but he neglected to do so. Speaks volumes.


2,026 posted on 05/16/2005 7:41:20 PM PDT by Purrcival (Way to go Newsweek, you MORONS!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1585 | View Replies]

To: PJ-Comix

"The reason is that something SOON might be blowing wide open."

You mean, Kerry is finally going to file his Form 180? No? Didn't think so.


2,027 posted on 05/16/2005 7:47:22 PM PDT by Purrcival (Way to go Newsweek, you MORONS!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1605 | View Replies]

To: lutz
The check, yes, the customer copy of the check? (because remember that is what Undie posted ---- the customer copy, NOT the actual check itself).

I didn't ask the bank to verify the check...I'll let the mod's know what was said.

2,028 posted on 05/16/2005 8:06:38 PM PDT by Krodg (yES.)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1893 | View Replies]

To: Repub4bush; PJ-Comix; franksolich; I_like_good_things_too

Wait a minute...the checks are legit, JH has supposedly been paid...but the checks have not been processed yet? With EFT, and especially with the new banking rules from last October, I would have expected them to have cleared by now. How long does it take?


2,029 posted on 05/16/2005 8:17:31 PM PDT by Purrcival (Way to go Newsweek, you MORONS!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1702 | View Replies]

To: Krodg

On the actual check yes, but not on the customer's copy.


2,030 posted on 05/16/2005 8:26:10 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2025 | View Replies]

To: Repub4bush; Misty Memory; I_like_good_things_too

I, like others here, really thought it was odd that just ANYONE could call for information on a transaction with which he/she had no legal connection. Where I work, we are extremely careful about giving information of far lesser importance to anyone who doesn't have a legitimate need to know. But two people here with banking experience have actually called and confirmed it, so who am I to question? I'm not in the banking industry. It's just a bit surprising to me, that's all.


2,031 posted on 05/16/2005 8:40:50 PM PDT by Purrcival (Way to go Newsweek, you MORONS!)
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1790 | View Replies]

To: txradioguy

Thanks, Tx. Reading DUer posts captured by CU.
The posters who questioned Skinner's refusal to clear up the Andy mess seemed reasonable and intelligent and they were tombstoned.

They were also attacked by other DUers for questioning Andy/Skinner at all. Some of the pro-Andyites sounded hysterical, insane. It is as if to allow doubt to exist, even in others is so threatening to their sense of reality, that it must be crushed.

For some, it seems as if it is their very first attempt at independent thought and it is frightening to them when the dead-enders scream insults and abuse at them when they dissent.

The natural longing to be a free, independent minded person seems alien to them; they can't risk being kicked out of the familiar hive. They want to remain loyal to the hive and be praised for their blind loyalty, but their doubts persist and they are driven out of the hive so they don't infect the others. Classic cult.

Skinner is almost sympathetic. A boy in a man's body, possessing none of the real traits of a mature man, nor of a real leader. "You must obey me, blindly, without question, or I'll kick you out."

Everyone here caught up in this week's big wedding of a friend's son. Also the death of my husband's friend's wife, cancer. No fund-raisers. "Instead of flowers please send check to childhood lukemia foundation." No poker game this week.

That's something else I can't understand about Lefties. They don't do guy stuff. They're always at "seminars" or "teach-ins," or smearing cardboard with paint to make signs , like pre-schoolers doing fimger-painting, wearing t-shirts with images of bloody-minded killers, revolutionaries. They worship bullies, yet swoon when Andy/Miss Waverly describes their digs as "The Dust Bunny Palace." No wonder they have "abandonment issues."

CU is a goldmine for Andy stuff deleted on DU. Thanks again.









N


2,032 posted on 05/16/2005 8:42:58 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1829 | View Replies]

To: lutz
On the actual check yes, but not on the customer's copy.

Excuse me!!! I asked specifically about the copy! I was told that the Bank name would be on all copies. I gave them my true name and address, I have nothing to hide.

2,033 posted on 05/16/2005 8:53:00 PM PDT by Krodg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2030 | View Replies]

To: Krodg

bump.


2,034 posted on 05/16/2005 8:56:52 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1866 | View Replies]

To: Barset

I sure am glad that someone acknowledges that I tried to post my findings.


2,035 posted on 05/16/2005 9:06:12 PM PDT by Krodg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 2034 | View Replies]

To: hipaatwo

bump. Thank you, thank you. First time I've seen where he, himself is indicating cancer.


2,036 posted on 05/16/2005 9:28:55 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1821 | View Replies]

To: nonkultur

bump. Think there was a letter on this thread or the previous thread, supposedly from Bev. Think Freeper Nakaturo used his sleeper DU status to get in on to DU. What an uproar. That letter and this from Andy should be together. Thanks for taking the time to post this.


2,037 posted on 05/16/2005 9:37:29 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1859 | View Replies]

To: SCALEMAN

bump. Thank you for posting this. More gold.


2,038 posted on 05/16/2005 9:38:36 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1839 | View Replies]

To: gidget7

Yes


2,039 posted on 05/16/2005 9:39:36 PM PDT by Krodg
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1869 | View Replies]

To: Nataku X

bump. Thanks.


2,040 posted on 05/16/2005 9:41:23 PM PDT by Barset
[ Post Reply | Private Reply | To 1880 | View Replies]


Navigation: use the links below to view more comments.
first previous 1-20 ... 2,001-2,0202,021-2,0402,041-2,0602,061-2,074 next last

Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.

Free Republic
Browse · Search
Bloggers & Personal
Topics · Post Article

FreeRepublic, LLC, PO BOX 9771, FRESNO, CA 93794
FreeRepublic.com is powered by software copyright 2000-2008 John Robinson