DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

[PJ-Comix]

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]

[beandog]

How many different diagnosis has he had. God Lord I've never seen anyone with some many supposedly forms of cancer in a matter of a few months yet hasn't yet been treated for anything.

[Purrcival]

Don't forget the McKinney-philes!

[Scothia]

I really wish my Mom was here with me tonight...I think I would be less scared. I was shaking earlier..not cause I was cold...but in fear. Sorry for rambling but I am freaked ta hell out and I need a sounding board. Thanks fer listening. Andy

Every time I think this creature can't possibly be more unbelievably snarky and hyperbolic, he ups the ante.

[hipaatwo]

Andy_Stephenson Donating member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Feb-12-05 02:33 PM
Original message
Thank you DU!



You guys ROCK! I am so humbled by the messages of support and love you have all sent. I am on-line for just a few minutes right now. I am tiring very easy and can't stay up more than about 3-4 hours. I am trying to work on a project today...and will post about it later. But I did want to take a minute to thank you all and update you as to what is going on.

Yesterday at about 12:30 my doctor called...she asked me if I had gotten the message from her. I said yes I have hep A...she said NO...I need you in here right away for more blood work. So off I went to her office. So as of this point in time...she has ruled out Hep A, B, C...HIV, Diabetes and Mono. However my liver enzymes were 489 apparently that is 10x normal. I am quite yellow, itching like crazy (apparently it is from the bile) and tire easily. Monday I have an appointment at the hospital for x-rays and an ultrasound of my Gall Bladder, Spleen and liver. I will update you as to the results as soon as I know.

I was looking through diseases of the liver last night and there were a couple that were worrisome. One of which was sarcoidosis...that was what killed my sister and onset is usually in the late 30's early 40's So I am worried about that but, hey what am I gonna do.

Once again to all of you...Yesterday I was in a real bad place and reading your posts made me feel less alone in all of this. And, thanks for the donations...OMG that takes a huge worry off me as well. I was not only worried about health but how to pay my bills. I am truly humbled and honored by you all. I wish I were better at expressing myself in the written word...alas I am not. But I cherish this place called DU and the people here. You are all very special to me. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.

Sincerely,
Andy

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=203&topic_id=325294

[RogerWilko]

Hey! That was my idea she was quoting! Only thing is they must have deleted the post or thread, because I can't get to it!

I guess they don't appreciate being alerted to ALL the holes in their pocket-emptying scam. Man, try to find a way to give the DUmmies a clue and they think they're being attacked!

What did they say anyway?

[MisterRepublican]

"I look like a redheaded banana and the itching has come back."

"A redheaded banana", implying that he has a yellow hue to his skin?

I haven't noticed that in any of the photos. I haven't heard that mentioned by Andy&Friends, lately.

[SCALEMAN]

I was just over at CU and found a VERY glaring discrepancy regarding the "biopsy". Someone there had posted the March 30 posts, and I have stored a March 23 post. Take a look at the dates on each post

My wife died of cancer a little over 2 yrs ago. She was having back pains and after serveral doc appointments, they scheduled a CT scan. I was there waiting when the doc came to the waiting room and called me back for the consult. They had done a needle biopsy right there, and sent it to path for a quick look. They had a preliminary result of a cancerous tumor within 30 mins. of extracting the tissue sample. I don't know where he had this done, but the results coming back on Friday, Feb 1st. as posted by bettyellen from a biopsy he supposedly had done on the 23rd (which was a week prior to her post) doesn't speak well for the doctor or the pathologist, or their credibility.

[lutz]

Consider it done sir. I'll try tonight, according to their site they have some branches open pretty late (and I'm pretty sure I can get in a call to the branch that closes at 6 if I figured out the time difference correctly). Is there a specific branch you'd like me to call? I would think that the cashier's checks wouldn't vary branch to branch, but if it's important I'll call a specific branch.

[luvie]

LOL! Wow! this thing has grown to be huge during the day! I think that DUmmie "goodboy" is talking to himself for a very good reason--he may be the last man standing! I think they have come into the "light" over here in the DUmmie FUnnies! It must be blinding to the "under-the-rock" dwellers that live in the DUmpster!

Are you about blind yourself, yet, from having to read all that garbage? Thanks for doing it so we don't have to!

[lutz]

Heheheee~ LOL!!!

[hipaatwo]

AND NOW HE BRINGS UP PANCREATIC CANCER:

Andy_Stephenson Donating member (1000+ posts) Click to send private message to this author Click to view this author's profile Click to add this author to your buddy list Click to add this author to your Ignore list Sat Feb-19-05 10:24 AM
Original message
Ok everyone I am home and well not quite as yellow as yesterday.



I had the ERCP yesterday and the GI doctor found no stones in my Gallbladder or Bile duct. However, the bile duct had collapsed and he had to insert a shunt to keep it open and the bile flowing. I will have to return in 2 weeks to have the shunt removed and hope that the duct stays open. The collapse in of itself is wierd...he said it mainly happens in pregnant women not healthy 43 year old men. Go figure. I told him I did not think I was pregnant...but he ran a test to see just in case. :0

Other than feeling like I have been kicked in the gut and a slight sore throat I am fine. Eve the whites of my eyes are clearing up this morning and I should only be yellow for another day or so. I am real glad I did not have anything too serious wrong...I was really worried about pancreatic cancer for the last couple of days. Now all I have to do is figure out why the bile duct collapsed. The doc was real perplexed as to why it did that as well. He said there was literally no bile whatsoever flowing. SO I am sort of on the mend...my mind is coming back and I don't feel like I am in a haze.

I plan on resting this weekend seeing the doc again on Monday...then Tuesday I have a speech an to give. I was really worried I was not going to be able to give it but now....yay I can! Thanks to all of you here that have sent me well wishes prayer and donations...I know in my heart it made the difference. Your support and kindness have meant so much to me and reinforces my faith in the goodness of people. I am ready now to continue the fight...out of action for 3 weeks is way too long for me.

http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=show_topic&forum=203&topic_id=330429

[keat]

Sorry for your loss scaleman.

[franksolich]

The DUmmies didn't respond to this DUmmie comment in particular; there were a whole lot of DUmmie comments about "armed rednecks" and all that--some of the DUmmies reminding us, ominously, that they too are armed--but your comment was the only one that pertained to the DUmmie FUnnies, making it obvious that this DUmmie "Lisa" had read the DUmmie FUnnies.

[gidget7]

Pansy nothing, it was a huge ploy for attention on a site where the majority are either gays or women. That was my impression. And as to his fear, what did he expect living a homosexual lifestyle? It's wrought with disease! If he is sick, I hope he gets better, but to sit there and say How could this happen??

Does the guy ever stay home? He is always at a friends, and apparently has his trusty laptop complete with inner internet access at the ready!

[Scothia]

Wait a minute--didn't already I read him blatting on about a plugged-up bile duct? Is this a recurring theme for him, or am I just reading so much about this stuff that my eyes are glazing over?

[MisterRepublican]

Again, the "privacy" conscious Andy posting all the intimate details of his medical records.

But he won't, well he isn't allowed by &Friends, post a diagnosis of pancreatic cancer.

Very odd.

[franksolich]

It's my understanding there are only four Verity banks (or credit unions) in or near Seattle.

I think if you contacted the main one, we could get the two important questions answered--but it is near 5:00 in the same time zone as the Washington State Penitentiary.

You know, of course I would call myself, but there is this particular personal problem.....

[luvie]

I am so sorry.

[hipaatwo]

I'm so dazed right now by brain is fried from this..LOL

[speed_addiction]

Other than feeling like I have been kicked in the gut and a slight sore throat I am fine. Eve the whites of my eyes are clearing up this morning and I should only be yellow for another day or so. I am real glad I did not have anything too serious wrong...I was really worried about pancreatic cancer for the last couple of days.

Is he saying what I think he is saying here?