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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: stands2reason; commonguymd; eyespysomething; Repub4bush; volvox; mozrock; ShorelineMike; ...
DUMMIE ALERT!


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DUMMIE ALERT!


IS THE DAM ABOUT READY TO BREAK ON THE FELONIOUS ANDY?


DUMMIES IN DUMMIELAND STILL IN "PANIC MODE"!


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Image hosted by Photobucket.com


Well, I won't know, myself, until the morning.

I'm dead tired, and going to bed.

Goodnight all, and to nataku x and my "protected source," I tip my cowboy hat in awe and respect, besides to the always-diligent KJC1 and speed_addiction.

See you all in the morning.

1,441 posted on 05/15/2005 6:28:24 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: PJ-Comix
DU started their fund raiser . BWAHAHAHA !!!!!

test... <*A href=>http://www.google.com

1,442 posted on 05/15/2005 6:29:16 PM PDT by Deetes (Speak Softly and Carry a Big Stick)
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To: aBootes

AA is AnoymousArmy. He posts over at DailyKOS. From what I can gather, he seems to be a very dedicated lefty and is upset that Andy is "willfully trying to engage in activities that cast suspicion and ridicule on progressive causes." I don't blame him at all for his concern.

Scroll down on this link to read his response to an appeal for Andy donations.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2005/5/2/142624/0814

Heres a link to his the AnoymousArmy website, so you'll see that he is definitely not Bev or a Freeper.
http://anonymousarmy.com/


1,443 posted on 05/15/2005 6:31:50 PM PDT by MisterRepublican
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To: Deetes
Bump for the morning edition.

I hope you guys actually manage to convince the DUmmies they're being scammed, but I really expect more the same when I check in tomorrow.

1,444 posted on 05/15/2005 6:33:31 PM PDT by aBootes
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To: franksolich; NonLinear; KJC1
Hey! I probably missed it because I'm still playing catch up, but did what just happened with what 'Miss Waverly' or whatever her name was added to the time-line?

This will make a GREAT blog after this is done by the way. Will probably need to be made into one too with all the purging happening at the DUmp. You all have been saving the threads before they're deleted right? All the saved threads can be dumped on a blog (no pun intended) so that there will be no 'missing links', just the archived pages to link back to.

1,445 posted on 05/15/2005 6:34:40 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: gate2wire

heheheheeee~ LOL!!!!!!!!!!


1,446 posted on 05/15/2005 6:35:32 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: MisterRepublican

So...a very interesting site. Thanks.


1,447 posted on 05/15/2005 6:36:44 PM PDT by aBootes
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To: Barset
Now up to Reply #700 which was posted Saturday at 5:25 PM. So what made this thread more than double in a day? I guess I shall continue following this drama unfold sequentially and avoid the temptation to get the answer right away by going to the end of the thread now.

Now back to catching up.

1,448 posted on 05/15/2005 6:37:04 PM PDT by PJ-Comix (Join the DUmmie FUnnies PING List for the FUNNIEST Blog on the Web)
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To: franksolich; KJC1; speed_addiction; All

Get some well-deserved rest! All of you have done a wonderful job keeping this from going away--and I hope we get to see the results that all of us are hoping for--Undie goin' down!


1,449 posted on 05/15/2005 6:39:09 PM PDT by luvie ((Freedom is on the march. Freedom is the birthright and deep desire of every human soul.GWB 3-29-05))
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To: beandog; PJ-Comix; franksolich

"...his super duper surgeon that he supposedly saw on May 5th didn't know he needed this super duper testing and let him go ahead and do the bowel flush on Monday. If I actually believed any of this was true I'd be worried about having surgery at JH."

The Johns Hopkins Health System Corporation and Johns Hopkins Medicine Legal Department exist to, among other things, "preserve the legal, ethical and financial integrity and the reputation of the Johns Hopkins Health System Corporation and its affiliates and of Johns Hopkins Medicine."

When Andy called the JHH doctors "blood suckers," the administration (mail and finances) "lazy and incompetent," when he let stand Magnolia flyarm's assertion that the owner of the Baltimore Orioles was able to influence the hospital to change normal admissions procedures for Andy, there is a possibility that the Johns Hopkins Medicine Legal Department might get very cross.


1,450 posted on 05/15/2005 6:40:09 PM PDT by Barset
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To: BTHOtu

Bedtime Bookmark


1,451 posted on 05/15/2005 6:40:57 PM PDT by BTHOtu
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To: gardencatz

I so completely agree with your post. That alone is enough reason to be disgusted with the andyscam-- even without the possible/ probably monetary fleecing of the DUmmies & their ilk.


1,452 posted on 05/15/2005 6:42:09 PM PDT by I_like_good_things_too
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To: franksolich
...drinking adult beverages, and with such profligacy, is not good for a diabetic condition.

Neither is it good for "pancreatic cancer"--but we all know he doesn't have that.

1,453 posted on 05/15/2005 6:43:25 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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To: txradioguy

Doesn't matter what it looked like, it was a GREAT read! I'll bet we'll be seeing more of these before long--if they haven't been rolling in already! (I have been gone all day and missed a lot!)


1,454 posted on 05/15/2005 6:44:14 PM PDT by luvie ((Freedom is on the march. Freedom is the birthright and deep desire of every human soul.GWB 3-29-05))
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To: aBootes
It is:

AA=AnnoymousArmy

This was started by AndyScam (the poster at CU).....Undie DEFINITLY is 'principal' ie IT (from CU). He is the 'principal' player after all! ;3

1,455 posted on 05/15/2005 6:46:56 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: NEPA; Nataku X
Is there anyone else willing to preform a Dummicide like the good lady with the fine taste in shows? (Another anime fan here ;3 )

That was AWESOME by the way! I applaud you!!

1,456 posted on 05/15/2005 6:49:19 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: txradioguy

Hoboken? Path? Good catch! I found that startling, but assumed, and still do, that the letter was simply to show DU members the joy of DU friendships and to respond to the photos showing Andy in blooming health.

A dying man goes to Hoboken? Did Joanie pluck Hoboken out of the air because it sounds so down to earth, unpretentious -- not like "NYS" where people get massages that have long, important- sounding names?

Thanks tx.


1,457 posted on 05/15/2005 6:51:21 PM PDT by Barset
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To: nonkultur

Excellent find, nonkultur. This could turn out to be huge. If MrNiceGuy can provide written proof from Dr. Cameron's office it will blow the lid off this whole scam.


1,458 posted on 05/15/2005 6:52:01 PM PDT by Nasher
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To: lutz
...Undie DEFINITLY is 'principal' ie IT (from CU). He is the 'principal' player after all! ;3

I have heard Undie, Skinner, and sfexpat (or whattyacallit) all compellingly linked to the CU poster "principal". I'm beginning to wonder if every remaining untombstoned member of DU is a separate personality of one psychotic, overweight, redhead homosexual from Washington.

1,459 posted on 05/15/2005 6:52:04 PM PDT by Scothia (Whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make DUmmies.)
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To: aBootes

well that is what it said at the end of the post, in the email address. So I assume it does indeed mean annonimousarmy. Whoever that might be.


1,460 posted on 05/15/2005 6:52:59 PM PDT by gidget7 (Get GLSEN out of our schools!!!!!!)
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