DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

UNDIE SCAM LETTER BUMP :-)

Dear Fred, With regard to this: "made Bev Harris a very rich woman since she scammed the DUmmies for at least $300,000 by making them think she was only $10 away from proving vote fraud in Ohio." Never happened. (a) I receive a salary of $60,000 per year from Black Box Voting, Inc., no more, no less, no secret trapdoors or gimmicks. The organization is a registered 501c(3) nonpartisan nonprofit, governed by a board of directors (seven people) who represent every part of the political spectrum. (b) Black Box Voting put out a call for $50,000 for a massive Freedom of Information Act request, delivered to jurisdictions nationwide on Nov. 2, 2004, just after the polls closed. We raised it and -- though jurisdictions have stonewalled, stalled, sent nonresponsive items, ignored, and in some cases refused the request, we have received tens of thousands of pages of audit documents now, from both Republican and Democratic counties. These are scheduled to go online in June. (c) We have a challenging fund-raising schedule for operating costs, because interest peaks only every four years. Therefore, we did aggressive fund-raising, and raised about 60% of a 2-year budget in small donations from individuals (from many different sources), and the other 40% from grants. (d) I'm hardly rich. My financial condition is unexciting. I gave up about $50,000 in my own business revenues, and shut down my business, and donated all of my book revenues in order to found Black Box Voting. When the California lawsuit money (about $76,000) is released, I have already committed to donate it to Black Box Voting (after tithing 10% to my church, which is part of my belief system). I'll post the documents on this when the money arrives. I'm betting a Broward County Ballot Box that no one can come up with anything from me or Black Box Voting saying anything like "we're just $10 away from proving fraud." I have such a ballot box, bought from E-bay, in my office. I'm confident it will stay there because there is no such statement. Our nonpartisan status has never allowed us to get involved in recounts or candidate issues. We do not agree with the current thinking at DemocraticUnderground.com, which treats voting integrity problems as "Bush stole the election." That is possible -- may even be likely, who knows? -- but it is a fact that both Democrats and Republicans have their hands dirty, especially with regard to the voting machines. Republicans are distracting attention by blaming it on "VoteR" fraud -- a cumbersome one-by-one method of cheating, and they studiously look the other way over hacking of the computerized voter registration system, optical scans, touch-screens, and tabulators. Democrats are distracting attention by blaming things on voter suppression and punch cards, and they hurriedly change the subject when we discuss Democrats taking money from Diebold to push machines into Chicago and Cook County. Their hearings took testimony from Clint Curtis, who (backed up only by an affadavit and recently, a lie detector test paid for by a John Kerry supporter) says that he was ordered by Tom Feeney six years ago to write a vote-rigging program that was never used. (Curtis has a degree in political science, not computer programming). This may have happened, but it boils down to hearsay. What has been ignored by the Dems is a videotaped demonstration in a real elections office of actually hacking a real voting system, of the kind used to count 40% of the vote in November 2004. Black Box Voting videotaped this in Feb. and again in April, and reported it to John Conyers, whose office has asked not a single question despite six follow up calls. Conyers uses the very system that we hacked in his own district, and two prominent Democrats got onboard with Diebold to sell it in Ohio and Chicago. (See latest lead story at http://www.blackboxvoting.org). Another trip-wire is Volusia County. It seems that a cadre of people are very skittish about any discussion of its memory card anomalies (a memory card is an electronic ballot box -- materials obtains in our FOIA request show that even Diebold was asking Volusia what the hell they were doing with their memory cards.) Volusia is a county that votes Democrat, but of more interest to us is the very strong likelihood that memory card hacks are part of the sealed evidence in a for-profit Qui Tam lawsuit. (There are two kinds of Qui Tam -- the one we did, in which the evidence is UNSEALED and provided in real time to the public, and the unethical, strictly for-profit kind, where evidence is withheld from the public, but the bounty money is bigger and more likely to appear). Now as for Andy: All of us at Black Box Voting wish him a speedy recovery. Medical treatment is never any fun. I do find the statements that he is "short" $4,800 rather curious, since we have his signature on the certified receipt for a $4,000 check from Black Box Voting that he has yet to cash. His spouse, Ted, also has about $100,000 equity in their house. Ted is an able-bodied and very intelligent man who chooses not to be employed. We wish Andy a recovery free of complications, and I do believe that he is indeed going in for treatment at Johns Hopkins, and that he does have significant health problems. I do not think I've seen him, personally, say that he has pancreatic cancer. That is a diagnosis put forward on his behalf by others, if I'm not mistaken. I doubt very much that he is dying, but that does not mean that he is not at risk. I will say this: Someone in my immediate family, whom I adored, died of pancreatic cancer. We lost him in six months, he was in considerable pain, and he certainly would have been unable to travel around the country, looking plump, cherubic and rosy-cheeked, giving speeches. Maybe it is cancer, or perhaps a benign tumor or a precursor tumor, or pancreatitis (which is no joke either). Whatever it is, I am sure he is truly sick, and I hope he gets better quickly and as painlessly as possible. At the same time, I believe he should properly disclose the actual diagnosis. He often complained that he and his partner couldn't take a tax deduction on their house because he was the only one working and the house was in his spouse's name, and our state does not recognize gay marriage. It is possible that the two of them cannot obtain a loan on the equity on their house, because neither is employed. While working for Black Box Voting, Andy was paid a salary of $48,000 per year. Because paychecks continue for a short time after termination, pretty much like any company where you get paid AFTER you work, not before, Andy was continuing to receive his regular paycheck in December while he was posting things like "I'm down to $1.21" at DU. He also received substantial payments from a donor named Laurie Grace during this time period. He was paid about $4000 from Black Box Voting in Feb., but though he signed for it, has not cashed the check. Whatever his financial situation, we are glad that he is receiving top-of-the line medical treatment and wish him a speedy recovery. Sometimes the things he says are very annoying, but we all eventually meet our maker, don't we? I'm content to let a higher power deal out the justice here. All I know is that I've been given a project to do, and along with other excellent people, most of whom I've been working with for several years, we are moving the ball forward each week. Thanks for writing. (name deleted to protect source)

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