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DUmmie FUnnies 05-13-05 (Pied Piper Pitt Hasn't Slept Since April!)
DUmmie FUnnies ^ | May 13, 2005 | William Rivers Pitt, DUmmies, and PJ-Comix

Posted on 05/13/2005 7:36:25 AM PDT by PJ-Comix

It looks like William Rivers (Pied Piper) Pitt is doing a lot of worrying that the scam perpetrated by Andy Stephenson is going to explode in his face. Pity Poor Pathetic Pied Piper Pitt (had to get in at least one allitertation) for he hasn’t slept since April as you can see in this Pitt authored DUmmie THREAD titled, “I could use a little help here.” Yeah, Pitt, you could actually use a LOT of help WHEN the AndyScam blows up in such a way that even the incredibly gullible DUmmies realize that Andy Stephenson has been scamming them just as cold-bloodedly as his former mentor, Bev Harris. A constant theme right now in DUmmieland is that they just KNOW that Andy is on the up and up BECAUSE Pied Piper Pitt told them so. I hate to tell you this DUmmies but Pied Piper Pitt has ALSO been having doubts about the DUmmies as have been documented in the Free Republic discussion forum of the previous DUFU edition titled, “’About the Andy Stephenson situation’---Skinner.” Oh, and speaking of Skinner, haven’t the DUmmies noticed that he has been MIA since issuing his doubts about Stephenson a few days ago? Skinner is less than an hour from Baltimore but he has yet to make the short trip over there to verify Andy’s fraudulent story. It is “The Silence of the Scams.” So let us now join Pied Piper Pitt in his state of complete sleeplessness. Somehow I think Pitt will be greeting the sun for many, many mornings to come. As usual the insomniac rantings of Pitt and his DUmmie followers are in Bolshevik Red while the commentary of your humble correspondent, who enjoyed a refreshing night of deep sleep, is in the [brackets]:

I could use a little help here

[You sure do, Pied Piper Pitt, especially after the DUmmies form a lynch mob to go after you when even those dopes realize FOR SURE that they have been scammed by Andy Stephenson, thanks in large part to you vouching for Andy’s honesty.]

I haven't been able to sleep for about two weeks. I start to drop off, and maybe actually sleep for about 20 minutes, before popping awake. Last night, for about the fifteenth day in a row, I saw the sun come up against my will. This has started to affect my stomach, which makes sleeping harder. I have tried exercise to wear myself out, and have managed to badly strain a muscle in my back.

[Your back will hurt even more after the DUmmies start angrily beating on it while cursing you for enabling the AndyScam.]

So, to recap: No sleep since April, rotten stomach, torn up back. I've reached that insomnia point where I am psyching myself out; I got no sleep the night before last, spent yesterday writing a PDA action alert and a 30-minute speech transcript, drove two hours to do the speech, gave the speech, did a three-hour Q&A, talked to people for another hour, drove two more hours to get home, and by the time I got back here I was literally quivering with exhaustion.

[So, to recap: You are worried sick about what will happen to you after Andy Stephenson is proven to be a complete FRAUD even to the satisfaction of the incredibly gullible DUmmie suckers.]

But I laid awake until 6:37am (I remember looking at the clock), popped awake an 8, 9, 10 before finally giving up and getting up at 11. I can barely see straight right now, my stomach feels like it has snakes in it, my back is killing me so I can't exercise...and I know for a stone fact that I won't be able to sleep again. Tried a nap an hour or so ago. Came thiiiiiiiis close to dropping of and then popped awake.

[3:11 AM: “Worried sick about the backlash when Andy’s scam is finally proven.”
3:12 AM: “Will they toss me out of Dummieland?”
3:13 AM: “Will my speaking engagements be cancelled?”
3:14 AM: “Maybe I could change my identity.”
3:15 AM: “DAMN YOU TO HELL, Andy, for suckering me into being your lousy cheerleader!!!”
3:16 AM: “Is it 3:17 AM yet?”]

Any ideas? I've already heard about taking mela-whatever, but that stuff gave my mother splitting headaches when she tried it. I have drastically cut back on caffiene. Any other suggestions would be appreciated. I've reached that violently, violently, violently frustrated stage of insomnia where sleep is a guaranteed impossibility, and if a routine like yesterday's (while on no sleep) can't get it done, I am at a total loss.

[Confession is good for the soul. And now let us read the hilarious advice on insomnia cures from your fellow DUmmies, Pitt.]

scotch. start about 3pm. you'll be out by 9

[Thunderbird. Start about 3 PM. You’ll be homeless by 9.]

Tried it. I managed to make myself unconscious, but that isn't sleep. Woke up worse off the next day. Tried it again a few days later, and all that happened was I was drunk and wide awake.

[Pied Piper Pitt---The wide awake drunk. That’s what happens when you fall such obvious scams that Andy perpetrates.]

sex?

[Unfortunately Andy can no longer be located.]

Move the clock...for one thing. Looking at that thing with the blinking : all night can be horrifying.

[If Pitt moves his clock all it will mean is that he will have to keep walking over to it every 5 minutes to check to see if he got at least a half hour of sleep.]

yes, sex works remember, only in fundie land is a monogamous partner of the opposite gender who desires to become pregnant is a requirement for "sex."

[Only in DUmmieland does it not matter what gender or species your sex partner is.]

Will: see a doctor. Insomnia is a bitch, although I only get it maybe once or twice a month.

[Pitt needs to see a shrink doctor. See Pitt lying on the shrink’s couch? Let us see what the shrink is writing on his note pad: “Just plain NUTS!!!”]

This sounds like a case for sleeping pills though I ordinarily wouldn't recommend them.

[NOT a good idea. Pitt would be tempted to swallow the whole bottle after the AndyScam blows up in DUmmieland.]

Benadryl. But don't take it every night, as you can become addicted (as per my physician husband).

[Methinks Pitt would become addicted the first night after desperately popping pill after pill of those Benny’s.]

Eat lots of turkey! Turkey has natural sleep inducers in it.

[And if that doesn’t work, have someone take a frozen turkey and slam it on Pitt’s head to knock him out.]

My problem is that I have bad physical reactions to anti-histamine stuff. I had raging bad allergies as a kid, and was always loaded up on the stuff. After a few years it just messed me up, and still does whenever I touch it.

[I can sympathize, Pitt. I’m allergic to wool so I’ve had to cross sheep off my date list. Such are the sacrifices I’ve had to make.]

Tonight I will do turkey, warm milk and the tub

[You’re going to do turkey in a tub filled with warm milk, Pitt? You really ARE kinky!]

Yes - I like Tylenol PM myself.

[I once tried to commit suicide by taking a cyanide pill. Unfortunately some sick bastard tampered with the cyanide pill bottle and I took a Tylenol that he inserted instead. I’m suing!!!]

empty your mind, grasshopper...

[…be just like your fellow DUmmies, cricket…]

I don't really know any tricks to get to sleep but one thing I discovered is that it makes no sense to just lay there willing yourself to do it - the more you try, the less likely it is that it will happen. So when I couldn't sleep, I'd get up. I'd tidy the house, I'd do laundry, I'd go for a walk, I'd read, I'd write, I'd work. Eventually, I'd get very, very tired and I'd lay down again. If I didn't get to sleep within a reasonable time, I'd get up again.

[Good idea… Hey Pitt! My pad needs cleaning and after that you can do my laundry.]

stop doing crystal meth that's what I had to do.

[speed_addiction…is that you?]

The back thing is my own fault. I've been beating the shit out of myself on my weight bench, way overdoing it to try and get sleepy. A muscle in my shoulderblade area finally got tired of it and told me to f*ck myself.

[And after the AndyScam scandal explodes, Pitt, your fellow DUmmies will be telling you the same thing as your shoulderblade muscle told you.]

Definitely see a doctor...there might be a physiological reason you're having trouble sleeping.

[Pitt’s problem is ALL mental.]

Will, I'm not a doctor, but I am going to go ahead and give you medical advice anyway. Your body is telling you to take a break.

[Yes, good advice. Take a break, Pitt, on a Costa Rica getaway with Andy Stephenson. Don’t worry about expenses. Andy has $50,000 to blow.]

Otherwise, until you see an internist, a bit of turkey, milk and a warm bath. Then find something boring, yet educational, to read.

[Maybe not educational but Pitt’s own writings should do the trick.]

A friend of mine who went through a divorce said she would drop her jaw down as you would right before you fall asleep and then force herself to COUNT SHEEP. It actually worked for her.

[It won’t work for me. I told you before that I’m allergic to wool.]

One word solution... PAMPER!

[One word solution… PAMPERS!]

White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint/distand thunderstorms and rain, and it's coma-inducing).

[White noise (I have a CD of very, very faint Pitt speeches, and it’s coma-inducing).]

Breathe thru your eyes ... Bull Durham

[Breath thru your butt … Andy Stephenson.]

Watch some mindless TV.

[Keith Olbermann.]

Ambien is habit forming and every person is different. So telling someone to ignore legitimate and documented side effects and product warnings is not particularly sound advice, wouldn't you agree?

[WARNING: Side effects of Ambien may inlude nausea, diarrhea attacks, dizziness, urges to support left wing loony causes, and the total loss of any ability to discern obvious scams.]

dude...seriously...smoke up. If I need to be asleep, pot is my friend to a nice, happy, and deep sleep.

[“Puff the magic dragon down by the sea!”]

First of all, sleep is over-rated.

[Sleep? Who needs it!]

You need to start "shutting down" very gradually.

[After the DUmmies finally wake up to the AndyScam, they will be “shutting down” Pitt very rapidly.]

Try to figure out what caused this abnormal sleep cycle to begin in the first place and address that issue.

[I don’t believe that Pitt thinking about how he has become Andy Stephenson’s lead cheerleader in Dummieland is going to help him get any sleep.]

Go To An Acupuncturist ASAP.

[Perhaps the acupuncturist can anesthetize those brain cells containing all memories about Andy.]

want something natural? try acupuncture- & I know where to get it cheap in the south end

[I don’t know about Pitt but Andy certainly would love to be acupunctured in the south end.]

You really should go to a doctor for a sleep evaluation. This may include keeping a diary for a week or so…

[May 13: “WHAT? WHAT? WHAT will I do when the DUmmies rise up against me when the AndyScam breaks?
May 15: “Need to leave the country. PRONTO!”
May 16: “Quick flight down to Costa Rica.”
May 20: “Slight gender preference modification but the honeymoon with Andy is just dreamy!”]

Cancel your appointments. Don't listen to TV or radio. Turn off your cell phone. Rent some funny movies.

[Flim Flam Man. The Sting.]


TOPICS: Humor
KEYWORDS: andyscam; andystephenson; cashfortuck; dramaqueen; dummiefunnies; dummies; scams; skinner; williampitt
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To: beandog

"If I actually believed any of this was true I'd be worried about having sugery at JH"

I'm sure the lawyers for not only JH, but also those Doctors listed on that CT scan, are eagerly waiting to ask some of the same questions we are.
If what Undie and his supporters say is true, JH is one of the most incompetent hospitals in the US.


1,301 posted on 05/15/2005 3:54:21 PM PDT by rikkir (The Dems see their demise, and his name is Delay!!)
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To: txradioguy
I just did a quick google of PATH. It's short for port authority, specifically Port Authority of NY and NJ.

They may have already been in the NY area but I think Miss Waverly is in Baltimore. Someone else is in the NY area and visited with Andy.

But I can't keep it all straight anymore, even with help from the timeline.

1,302 posted on 05/15/2005 3:55:09 PM PDT by NEPA
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To: NonLinear

Yeah, I saw that, really good work.

I would have liked to be using it, but I am the one harping about maintaining "historical accuracy and integrity," and so despite my wanting to, I should stick with the original.


1,303 posted on 05/15/2005 3:55:37 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: NeonKnight

Yeah, Rules. That no one at DU abides by.

"Civility: Treat other members with respect. Do not post personal attacks against other members of this discussion forum."

Unless it's a forum member we don't like or a former member that we now hate (see Bev Harris).



3.Content: Do not post messages that are inflammatory, extreme, divisive, incoherent, or otherwise inappropriate. Do not engage in anti-social, disruptive, or trolling behavior. Do not post broad-brush, bigoted statements.

Oh, please. Just about every other message posted is inflammatory, extreme, divisive, incoherent or other wise inappropriate. And that's on issues they generally agree upon. Don't get them started about who's their favorite politician.

"Do not post broad-brush, bigoted statements." UNLESS YOUR TALKING ABOUT CHRISTIANS OR ANY OTHER GROUP OR INDIVIDUAL WITH WHOM YOU DISAGREE.

Go read the long version of the ridiculous and RARELY ABIDED BY AND RARELY ENFORCED "RULES". It's a hoot!

http://www.democraticunderground.com/forums/rules_detailed.html


1,304 posted on 05/15/2005 3:56:49 PM PDT by MisterRepublican
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To: franksolich
This is cracking me up:


1,305 posted on 05/15/2005 3:56:59 PM PDT by KJC1 (Somebody shook up the Ants!)
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To: gidget7

Freudian slip? on the Dummies part?


1,306 posted on 05/15/2005 3:57:24 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: franksolich
I would have liked to be using it, but I am the one harping about maintaining "historical accuracy and integrity," and so despite my wanting to, I should stick with the original.

I yield to the gentleman from Nebraska's high ethical standards, and applaud the same.
1,307 posted on 05/15/2005 3:57:29 PM PDT by NonLinear ("If not instantaneous, then extraordinarily fast" - Galileo re. speed of light. circa 1600)
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To: franksolich
Just damn
1,308 posted on 05/15/2005 3:59:13 PM PDT by lutz (The AndyScam Saga Continues!!)
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To: Deetes
The DUmmies just put in a call for these guys!

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
1,309 posted on 05/15/2005 4:00:19 PM PDT by speed_addiction (Remember, Verifiable Paper Ballots__Andy Stephenson)
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To: KJC1

Actually, I like the ones of jails and prisons better.

The Maryland state penitentiary looks like an interesting building, classic old architecture and all that.

The Washington state penitentiary looks too new, too clean, too boring.


1,310 posted on 05/15/2005 4:00:53 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: NEPA; All

IMHO Andy probably WAS up there.

At one point WillPitt claimed in a post to $kimmer that Andy was "40 minutes from a computer" in B'more to contact $kimmer about this mess.

Andy never got to that computer or a phone in that 40 minutes.

Could it be that it's because he was NOT where he was suppsoed to be?


1,311 posted on 05/15/2005 4:02:14 PM PDT by txradioguy (In Memory Of My Friend 1SG Tim Millsap A Co. 70th Eng Bn ...K.I.A. 25 April 2005)
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To: NonLinear

Thank you, sir.

This is serious business to me.

The felonious Andy is a danger, and must be neutralized, put where he cannot prey upon innocent and vulnerable people, even DUmmies.

It must be my imagination, but even though I have been using EXACTLY the same jpg image of the felonious Andy in all of the DUMMIE ALERT!s, his facial expression seems to be slowly eroding into fear and confusion.

Probably just my imagination.


1,312 posted on 05/15/2005 4:05:05 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: speed_addiction
Monday, 04/11/05

Election reform speaker: Electronic voting out of hand

By LAURA LUXOR
For The Tennessean

While many Americans are intrigued by the idea of electronic voting, the process is out of control, creating an unhealthy democracy, experts said at the National Election Reform Conference. . . . The conference was held in Nashville over the weekend [April 8-10]. . . . Because of privatization, only the companies that own the electronic machines are able to know the outcomes, said Andy Stephenson, education director for Vote Trust USA. . . . "Security is a real issue," Stephenson said. "There is no way for the voter to know whether the information displayed on the touch screen is the same as what's recorded in computer memory."

1,313 posted on 05/15/2005 4:08:11 PM PDT by Charles Henrickson (Undie the Fundee.)
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To: gidget7

"Both written by Northstar, who has just now been tombstoned."

Really?! Geez, s/he simply asked a question and very nicely at that.


1,314 posted on 05/15/2005 4:08:44 PM PDT by imskylark
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To: franksolich

Check this out...from http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=203x369300

Andy_Stephenson Donating member (1000+ posts) Sun May-15-05 09:30 AM
Response to Reply #3
9. It was settled because of Jim March and Bev Harris'
Greed! They could have sunk Diebold forever but instead, decided to take a 75k payoff.


Notice since Andy is in the big bucks now, thousands is simply abbreviated as "K"

Andy_Stephenson Donating member (1000+ posts) Sun May-15-05 09:28 AM
Response to Original message
8. Why do you Bevbots continue to post her
stories here? She does have her own website. Really...if I wanted to know what Bev was up to I would go there. Show us the money Bev! Where is the FOIA information? Why are you working a new story when you haven't finished the last one?

Bev...I don't think anyone here cares what you are up to. Stop sending your proxies to post for you.


"Show us the money Bev!" AHHAHAHA


1,315 posted on 05/15/2005 4:09:53 PM PDT by cabojoe
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To: cabojoe

I wonder if I should tombstone my DU account by asking Undie directly "Do you have cancer?"


1,316 posted on 05/15/2005 4:12:23 PM PDT by NonLinear ("If not instantaneous, then extraordinarily fast" - Galileo re. speed of light. circa 1600)
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To: NonLinear

Go for it, and post the link. Maybe ask "what is your official diagnosis? You do have pancreatic cancer, right?"


1,317 posted on 05/15/2005 4:13:33 PM PDT by Nataku X (Last month's summary: GOP ^= Dem ^= GOP ^= Dem)
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To: NonLinear

Make sure you get a picture of the tombstone.:)


1,318 posted on 05/15/2005 4:14:10 PM PDT by cabojoe
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To: cabojoe

My, my, my, my, my.

My, my.

And by the way, sir, I must thank you for revelation of valuable vocabularial insight--this escaped me, until you pointed it out--the deal with the felonious Andy always referring to "K"s instead of "thousands (numeral or written out)."

To most people, $1,000 is a lot of money, and not casually referred to.

But to a desperate high-roller, living off of everyone else's dime (or "K"s), one tends to slap around "K"s as if they were the most common thing in the world.

I once had a boss who used the term, but his money-clip while thick, usually really had but one $100 bill, and then a whole lot of $1 bills inside. (That was the boss who, after embezzling $7,000,000 from his own insurance company, put a pistol inside his mouth; big news here in Nebraska three years ago.)


1,319 posted on 05/15/2005 4:18:27 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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To: cabojoe

You know, things are happening so fast, perhaps EVERYBODY competent in this "screen capture" thing should be capturing, so nothing gets by.

If it had not been for the alert KJC1, we would have never preserved the admission of the felonious Andy about writing a bad check--I am sure KJC1 is the ONLY one on the entire internet who caught that.

So the more who "capture," the better.

"Too many duplicates" is a much easier problem to deal with, than "nothing at all."


1,320 posted on 05/15/2005 4:20:58 PM PDT by franksolich (fighting crime and corruption 24/7/365)
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