Pray for Marshall
Big Prayer Ping
Posted on 12/27/2004 8:42:48 AM PST by Houmatt
I am not sure I know where to begin.
On Friday, December 17, I was arrested and charged with a Class B Misdemeanor, the first time I have been arrested and charged with anything.
Over the next seven days and six nights that I spent in the custody of the authorities awaiting bail, I found my wife of six years, the woman I had given my life and love to, had decided she had had enough of me, saying I had hurt her emotionally and she could trust, rely on or understand me. She intends to file for divorce next month.
I would guess I should have seen this coming. She had told me the feelings she had had for me before were not the same, and this was something she had been agonizing over for a while. It is not easy when the woman you love and are married to lives 200 miles away across the border in Canada. She would come over once a month and stay a weekend, but there was a five month period this year when she had been out of work due to an infection in her right leg. As I am sure you can understand, separation does not always make the heart grow fonder.
What I do know is I love her very, very much. She was my best friend, my lifeline, my reason for being. She helped fill the void in my life. I could apologize ten thousand times and tell her that, yes, I was not the husband she expected me to be. I know I failed her, and I not about to stand in her way when it comes to divorcing me, even if I am of the ilk those vows I took over six years ago were supposed to mean something. She needs a release, to not have to worry about getting me up to Canada or if I have money or food anymore. She needs that break.
I just would like it if we could at least be speaking terms, waving hi to each other on the phone or the net, trading e-mails and cards and so forth.
The other thing that scares me though is the possibility I may go back to jail. Even if it is my first offense, and a misdemeanor, I may still go back. Those days I had been inside scared me like nothing else in a very long time. I know I did something incredibly stupid and there is not a moment where I do not think about how I should have turned left instead of right that day. I also know I must take responsibility for my actions. I just don't want to go back to jail.
I have been praying ever since then for two simple things:
1) Terri (my wife) can receive the solace she is searching for and want to at least talk to me again.
2) That I get probation.
For those that are wondering: I have done enough stupid things. That is one stupid thing I will never do.
As much as I hate to admit it, yes, men do cry. I am right now. I am sorry.
Get a good lawyer, and KNOW that we are praying for you.
Dear Houmatt,
I read all the posts on this thread. I can't add anything that hasn't been said better than anyone else. But I'll add my .02 anyway.
I've been down, I've been homeless, I've run from the police, been in police stations, been an alcoholic and drug user, been divorced, been hugely in debt, been broken hearted, been suicidal, and so on.
God loves each and every one of us unconditionally. All we need to do is open our hearts to him in our helplessness, and pray for His protection, not depending on our own strength even slightly. Prayer can go on in the heart even when others don't see or know.
The more we depend on God, knowing ourselves to be without strength, the more strength He gives us. It's a perfect relationship - we need Him, He wants to protect us. We are lost and small, He is great and loving. He never hates us for our faults; think of the story of the prodigal son.
May God give you the wisdom to serve Him, the desire to do His will, and the strength to do it. You'll see light again, and you'll hope again.
Joining in prayer for you. :)
Actually, no. Apparently this has been a long time coming, with us living apart for so long. I think she may have wanted to use this as an excuse.
I would like to thank those who have offered their legal advice. I have since contacted an attorney and seem to have things in hand.
However, I still need your prayers for myself and my wife, Terri.
Would you believe she has been hanging with her first husband and his ex-girlfriend of late?
I remember when he had asked her for a divorce, and she was on the phone crying because even though their marriage had deteriorated they were little more than roommates sleeping in the same bed every night, he had promised in front of God to love her forever (her words, not mine).
I know I failed her as a husband, but she seemingly wants to cut me off completely, and at a time when I needed her the most.
She is also a Catholic, who only recently decided to return to mass. I wonder what the priest would say if he knew what was going on.
Bottom line: Please continue to send prayers and good thoughts to myself and Terri. I need them (and Terri) more than words can say right now, and they are most definitely welcomed and appreciated.
When I think of her, I cry. I can control my thoughts, at least, but not my dreams. I have dreamt of her at least twice and it makes me afraid to even go to sleep.
I would give anything just to be able to have her call or at least send me an e-mail saying she was sorry she was so cold to me and she was willing to work with me to create a friendly relationship.
update ping!
You are in my Prayers..
I know just how you feel, I got divorced years ago and I was completley devastated. Lost a wife and 2 children.
Haven't seen or heard from them in years.
Time, it takes time and plenty of Prayer on your part too..
The thing is, I have been hurt really bad in the past and it took so long to get over it, even with friends and family around.
But this is different. This is a woman I have given seven years of my life to. For that time we had been there for each other emotionally, leaning on each other in bad times.
Up here in Buffalo, there is no family and the people I call friends I can count on one hand because I am very picky about who I call friends, and they are not local, either. I have heard of nasty divorces and I have heard of amicable ones as well. I just have a desire for the latter, with friendship and conversation. You know what I mean??
I've seen alot in my 19 years, don't know much about Amherst Courts, but if you spent a week in the pokey already even the Court appointed lawyer should get you an A.C.O.D. with time served and no probation.
As for your personal problems, listen to Marshall Tucker's "This Ol' Cowboy", it puts breakups into perspective.
update ping post #85
I know what you mean!
You should know that after the last time we spoke (December 24) no contact has been made on neither part. She has a blog on Live Journal that she updates from time to time and that is how I know what and how she is doing.
I am not sure what you mean with this. All I was saying is she is friendly with her first husband and his ex-girlfriend. I do not believe they are (or would be) dating again.
He will help you make the right "mate" choices.. maybe again Terri.. but maybe not..
I am sure there is a possibility another may be lined up for me in the future. Terri sure seemed to be the one for me, though. The way we influenced each other, finished each other's sentences and seemed to read the mind of the other.
What I am asking for in the here and now is to just be able to talk to her, to be on speaking terms. I want to tell her the things that are on my mind and lean on her every now and then. Not only that, she still has stuff of mind that I would not mind getting from her, like my comic book collection and films I have on VHS. My DVD copies of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie are in her care as well.
But mostly I just want to be on speaking terms with her again.
You need to stop for a second, take a look at what's RIGHT in your life, not what's wrong. You've still got friends; you've still got health; you've still got chances. And you've still got God.
Take this thing on face to face. No compromises, no running away.
You WILL get through it.
Please see posts #85-94.
timing is everything in life.. and maybe she is avoiding you to not give up the "treasures" she considers are hers. The spoils of a relationship often let people see the true person. Hope you do get to talk to her & get your things back.
Forgive me, but I am not clear on what you mean.
treasures = Not only that, she still has stuff of mind that I would not mind getting from her, like my comic book collection and films I have on VHS. My DVD copies of Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle and Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie are in her care as well.
Houmatt, you might learn more about her as you try to secure these items back.. that is what I meant.
Friendship may be a bit much to ask right now.
My ex and I have what may be "loosely" termed a "civil" relationship.
Part of the cost of divorce, at least in my case, is that we are not friends.
This Christmas season, that has hit home harder than i expected, but that's life.
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