Posted on 12/10/2004 6:11:06 PM PST by 6ppc
My daughter will turn 21 next week. She is living at home and working.
Two days ago she informed us she had met a man online who lives in the UK and they had developed a serious relationship. He was planning to come to visit and she was informing us and asking if we would agree to meet him. This man is of Indian nationality and is a muslim in school in England. His parents have been living in Saudi Arabia for over 20 years.
We told her this was dangerous and a very bad idea. I tried to convince her to give the idea up and she said she would think about it.
Tonight we found out she is has come up with a plan to go to England and marry him. She says she is of legal age, has thought it through and is determined to do this.
I've now changed tactics and am working on getting him to come over here. I talked to him on the phone tonight and told him that I was unwilling to consider this unless he moved to the US and got a job here.
My daughter has only had one boyfriend in her life and is very much a loner. She has few friends and never goes out, so I'm sure this is a reaction to being lonely.
I need to do some quick intervention and stop this. I need advice.
1) Since she is over 18 (21 next week) is there any kind of legal action I can take to prevent her from leaving the country?
2) How can I do a background check on this guy?
This is my worst nightmare and I don't know what to do.
Aw no you don't. You have to give us SOME details.
She dump him all on her own? That would be the best.
By the way, I don't think posting to All really posts to All anymore. You might have to go back through the thread and compile a ping list of the people you most want to hear of this good news.
She has been refused entry to the UK and will be coming home. I'll give more details when I can.
Bump to remember.
These guys are totally charming until they've closed the deal, and that's all she is to him, another posession. She also needs to understand that if she marries him, has children with him, and he tires of her and wishes to add to his group of wives (up to four) and she's the least favorite, he can divorce her and she still can't leave because she can't bring the children back to the states with her. She will be forced to convert to Islam.
You might consider asking this man some frank questions in front of her.
Thanks for the ping! Praise God! That young lady dodged a hand grenade...someday she will be wise enough to realize it.
FReepmail. . .ref your son in pilot training
Those are beautiful words. I'm very glad to hear them. :^)
She will be able to go to Mosque. The women just have a separate closed off room at the Mosque.
It would be a terrible mistake. There are these scams of Muslims marrying American women just to get into this country legally. There are many horror stories. Maybe if she read some of them or watched programs about them it might help change her mind. A Muslim man would not want meet a non-Muslim woman over the Internet unless it is for some devious purpose.
“She doesn’t realize how insane this is.”
She has developed a fantasy. Women even do this with men in prison. They create a fantasy and attach it to the guy. Because he is far away, the fantasy is allowed to bloom. 21 is not that old.
Do not give her any money for anything. Make sure he knows that the US is the land of financial opportunity and you can help.
Any kids she has will be taken from her.
Let me guess. You have no young daughters in this current society.
Know any hit men?
Even the in name only mozlems can turn into the horrible kind on a dime. Any time.
Something occurs to me. If he is asking her to come to England and has not provided you with even his name, you and your daughter might want to consider the possibility that he might be in the sex slave business. Girls going overseas alone sometimes just disappear. Men prey on young women and lure them to foreign places for that purpose.
Wow.... Other than a deadly car accident that is quite a nightmare scenario.
Have her read the book “Not Without My Daughter.” Please. Sure, there is a movie with Sally Field, but the book goes into the slow painstaking detail of how she can become a prisoner against her will.
If she goes there, 100% he will take her home to meet mommy and daddy. Once in Saudi Arabia, if he gets her passport, she has NO RECOURSE.
I would set up a few things for her to know if this guy is really going to be decent to her.
Tell her to have him promise 1) he will never take her to a Muslim country and 2) he will never take any possession from her (like a passport). If his parents want to meet her, they will come to the UK.
Of course he can lie, and also since he is young, he can honestly promise it, but when dad has a heart attack and is dying, he will want to go. She needs to NOT go with him.
The truth is that you can’t sway her by cutting her off financially. 21 year old girls bristle at that kind of control (and ironically and stupidly rush into Sharia control!).
Be honest with her. Tell her you love her, you have heard that other young women who leave the country to marry foreign guys find themselves in dangerous situations, especially if a child is conceived. Tell her that the woman NEVER thinks that her man will be like that. And he never is at the beginning. Tell her that you want freedom for her most of all. That if she were to marry a guy from the States, and it didn’t work out, she could be free to leave, even with her child. But if she has a child in another country, she may never be able to get the child out.
I’VE BEEN THROUGH IT to a lesser degree. I was your daughter (though the man was not Muslim). I could not rely on the courts to save my child; I had to use psychology on his father. Happy ending.
Instead of the stick, try offering a carrot. Tell her you will rent an apt for him to come to the states and date. Tell her you will pay for his community college or something to give him a visa. Let him work for you. Whatever.
Then offer a bigger carrot for her to forget about him and find someone else in country to date. Buy her a condo or some opportunity she has always longed for. Play it really low, but just say that you think it would be so much wiser to wait and not marry or settle so early. It never works out. Stay single for three more years and I will give you the deed to this condo. Or whatever.
Good luck. Use psychology. Tears will work better than shouts of anger. I only saw my dad cry once and it crushed me.
Bummer I spent so my time on my response and didn’t see the date. Bleah.
Well I would make a suggestion but the word mob would come up and I’d get a knock on the door.
Get your hands on the movie “Not Without My Daughter” with Sally Fields. It’s about an American woman married to an educated Iranian, who (IIRC) goes there to live (or maybe just visit?), and when the marriage is breaking up the Iranians graciously allow her to leave but not with her child. That is unfortunately what happens once a Westerner goes there to visit or live. Your daughter has to see the film, and understand the downside of her romance.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.