Posted on 12/10/2004 6:11:06 PM PST by 6ppc
My daughter will turn 21 next week. She is living at home and working.
Two days ago she informed us she had met a man online who lives in the UK and they had developed a serious relationship. He was planning to come to visit and she was informing us and asking if we would agree to meet him. This man is of Indian nationality and is a muslim in school in England. His parents have been living in Saudi Arabia for over 20 years.
We told her this was dangerous and a very bad idea. I tried to convince her to give the idea up and she said she would think about it.
Tonight we found out she is has come up with a plan to go to England and marry him. She says she is of legal age, has thought it through and is determined to do this.
I've now changed tactics and am working on getting him to come over here. I talked to him on the phone tonight and told him that I was unwilling to consider this unless he moved to the US and got a job here.
My daughter has only had one boyfriend in her life and is very much a loner. She has few friends and never goes out, so I'm sure this is a reaction to being lonely.
I need to do some quick intervention and stop this. I need advice.
1) Since she is over 18 (21 next week) is there any kind of legal action I can take to prevent her from leaving the country?
2) How can I do a background check on this guy?
This is my worst nightmare and I don't know what to do.
I figure it cannot take that many complaints of any kind to get a Muslim foreigner blacklisted.
I wouldn't know.
Post 42 - most interesting read.
I don't think you should be confrontational. Just assure her that you love her and you care about her more than anything else in the world and you want her to know what she might be getting into. It would suck if she ran off and never contacted you and you didn't know if it was her choice or her husband's.
I know enough to not marry one. I have no interest in them at all, and in fact I am fairly put-off by most of their achievements. But let me tell you what I know about the FReepers that are chiming in to save her from him.
They are suggesting that this father:
That's only in the first 60 posts or so.... And these are all from people warning him about how Muslims treat women like property.
Looks to me like she's property here too :~D
I understand this is serious... but you gotta admit it's ironic.
Oh God. Armstrong & Getty in Sacramento/San Francisco's KNEW etc. just did a show on this. He mentioned to a woman who had received a proposal of marriage from a Muslim to consider seriously that he kept telling his family that she was going to convert. Know any other religions that insist on this? It would be a frickin' nightmare for her either way. This is a religion with absolutely no tolerance for - uh - diversity.
I will pray that she does not get herself into this: Severe Tire Damage!
Don't know if these scattershot links will be of any help . . .
I might try to arrange an 'intervention' with a nouthetic (Biblical) counselor and several Christian women who have experienced Islam either as members of the Christian minority or who were themselves Muslims prior to conversion.
Women in Islam - Includes Personal Testimonies Warning Against Marrying Muslim Men
http://www.arabicbible.com/christian/women.htm
The Church of the Atonement has a Persian ministry and a number of folks who may be resource people on this issue:
http://atonement-arp.org/
Iranian Christian Church in Fremont
http://www.icc-eastbay.com/
Link to Iranian Church
http://www.nousazan.org/
Nouthetic Counselors Association
http://www.nanc.org/
Voice of the Martyrs may know of folks in various parts of this country who have firsthand experience of Islamic persecution - http://www.persecution.com/
A local Coptic Church near you may also be able to provide some suggestions or resources: http://www.coptic.org/north_am.htm
I was the one who said "short of committing her" that he could do nothing. I didn't suggest committing her, I posted that to point out how little control he had. Besides being very hard to do, even if someone is certifiable, no-one would want to commit someone who was not legally insane.
Honestly, I would be more worried about her losing contact with her parents than anything else. If you tell her it's bad, then she'll only say it's because "you don't understand" and then she may feel that her only choice is him. If you throw yourself into the whole thing - find out what's attractive about the lifestyle for her, and really study Islam, not only will you understand how to "get around in it" but she will understand women's role in Islam as well.
Truly, if she loves this man, then nothing will change her mind but this man. If she can meet him on his own terms, then she will be able to make up her own mind. To just try to keep him away from her won't work... but he must come to you, where he knows Daddy is the Alpha Male.
If it were my daughter, I'd have him come to me. Even then, one never knows - and that goes for any relationship an adult child might choose. Don't forget Lori Hacking and Lacy Peterson: those men have loving Christian families and were highly thought of by friends and relatives. SO even when one thinks it's all okay, it might not be.
On the other hand, my mother's people hated my dad. That changed after the kiddos came, of course :) He turned out pretty good after all, they thought!
It's always scary to watch children form their own families - for good, we hope, and not for evil. If you can, love him and perhaps he shall love you and your daughter as well.
God alone knows.
Yep.
You have to admit, FReepers come up with creative solutions!
I agree with the dad here that the young suitor must come to the U.S. Then tell him he must engage in a chaperoned courtshipfor at least six months, provide proof that he has the financial means to support a wife, and ask the father's permission for EVERYTHING.
The Muslim man will get cold feet when he hears all this.(Many of them are looking for a green card and a free ride). OTOH, if he is a good, serious prospect, he will do all that is required of him.(And dad can say "No" anyway when he asks for her hand in marriage).
By this time, the daughter will most likely be bored with the foreigner, and decide she wants out of the whole deal.
Wait until she sees what he really looks like. He's probably been sending photos of his handsome cousin Achmed, and saying it's himself.
This girl sounds like an incurable romantic, as are most young women who pine after "foreign" types. When she finds out his socks smell just like any American guy's; that he's six inches shorter than her; and that he has other annoying "guy habits", the romance will wear off.
So, in conclusion, get the suitor over here and see how fast this "romance" dissolves!
Why does this situation remind me of "Fiddler on the Roof"?
P.S. I forgot to say--don't forget to show the boyfriend your gun collection.
Depends on if they are HER credit cards or her dad's. If her parents are the ones co-signing, then they have every right to cancel. (Besides, my parents never gave me a credit card so I'm jealous - boo hoo.) If they are hers, then they can't cancel anyway.
The internet service, though, is dependent on who owns the house. If she wants her own service, she'll have to move out...
Reach into the heart of this beloved daughter and grant her understanding of what she contemplates ... bring to her mind the declaration that she is not to be unequally yoked ... that as a Christian, her husband is to be of like faith. Strengthen her in her Christian walk ... set before her insurmountable obstacles that prevent her from walking away from her family. Give courage to her beleaguered parents ... grant them victory, such is their love for their child. In the Name of Jesus, Amen ...
Kidnap her.
Duct tape her to the sofa.
Don't let her ruin her life......
Good luck!
Call the FBI and lie about terror connections for both the daughter and her suitor. Maybe not such a bad idea to have him checked out very close.
fraudulently cancel her credit cards That depends on who is paying the CC bills and who the primary cardholder is.
break her cell phone See above
Try to get him arrested on false immigration or drug charges when he comes here I agree with you on this one
break her computer and cut off her phone connection Same as cell phone and CC IMO, see above.
Bribe other men into being interested in her.Bad idea- will not solve the problem.
All those are wonderful plans, but they'd require HER cooperation, you know. She doesn't ~need~ daddy's permission at 21. She'd probably like to have his blessing, but she'll stop caring about that if he acts as badly as some suggest on this thread.
She lives at home, apparently. But won't for long.
She's living at HOME, dude. She doesn't need permission, but he doesn't have to subsidize her romance either. A cell phone, internet access, and credit cards are not entitlements, they are gifts that can be taken away in a heart beat. If she wants to talk to the man, she will need to talk to the man on her own dime. If she does it on her own dime, then it is her own business...
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